I'm going out with a guy on a date Friday, and the only downside is that
he wants me to dress up like a woman - hehehehe, so yeh he's an admirer
(someone who is attracted to men who dress as women) and when I told
him I wasn't full-time he emailed back concerned that I'd be showing up for
the date dressed as a guy - but he really has nothing to worry about, of course
I'll be dressed up.
Actually we've exchanged a few emails today so he's looking forward to our
date and I'm looking forward to it and it's kind of exciting.
(It's just a first date nothing more than a good night kiss is going to happen,
if that's what you're wondering)
I've heard that someone I know tangentially is going through some hard times
so I sent her an email trying to be a little supportive and didn't receive a
response and really didn't expect to - but a year ago I looked up to her
in a positive way standing on the other side of that great wall of the
impossibility of transitioning and admired what she'd achieved, and I
still do, so the idea that maybe I could help was just something I wanted to
do for my own selfish reasons - but and this is a common transwoman reaction
-the response to hard times is to roll up into a ball in the fetal position and
hope that the world gets tired of kicking you and thinks you are dead and moves
on and it just really doesn't work - and I'm learning that and it;s really hard for
me to reach out to people and stay open and not ball up and get all defensive,
but it doesn't work - it's not an effective defense mechanism it just leaves you
weak and powerless and without anyone to turn to and you can;t make it
in this world alone God knows I've tried.
That's one thing about being trans - you are constantly being tested, and
as soon as you've handled one impossible task, you're handed the next
impossible task and it'll never end - so I'm going on a date with a guy and
it's scary and exciting and kind of amazing, what's next?
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