Saturday, April 30, 2011

Avenue Q was super fun - I hadn't seen it before and I really enjoyed it.
They also did a cabaret afterwards, and that was almost as good as the play
itself, and at times funnier, so it was a good time.  I wound up working 8hrs
today, so I haven't had much time but I want to post more regularily - so the
top caption is one I did this evening for a photoshop group I joined -it's
a friendly competition where everyone manipulates the same photo and you
see who comes up with what - I reverted to the caption style on this one,
(the caption is referring to the green "algae-like" life forms on the reddish
Martian rock sample, as proof that life exists on Mars) - I like the caption,
it's kind of dramatic - but yeh, it's not very TF.  I spent about 2 hours on this
caption - so that's the remainder of my day really - the 2nd caption is pretty
girly and TF and all that - so I'm not ignoring your interests in the TF stuff.

 I'm going to church in the morning, then I think I want to catch "Water for
Elephants" -if you've read my blog, you know how much I love the Circus,
and so the movie should be enjoyable.   I don't think I'll go out jamming
Sunday.  If I don't go out I should have some time
tommorrow night to post a new caption, along with another photo contest
entry, this time for "May flowers" - Otherwise, not much going on this weekend.

Serious Offer - so if you'd like a custom caption made - leave a  very short comment
about what you'd like it to be about, your male and female name, stuff like that and
I'll take a crack at it -if you've been on Rachel's Haven just let me know what your name,
and I'll read your preferences there.  Note: no violence, bondage, genetalia, stuff like that.
I mean captions should be fun, and obviously I think being able to live as a woman is a
good thing, but I can play along if you want to pretend that you'd like to go back to
being a man ( uh huh, sure you would, wink).   Any caption made will be posted on this
blog, and you can download it there, so I don't need your email or other personnel
information, just the general outline of your fantasy.
Take Care,


Friday, April 29, 2011

So OK I've been blowing you all off, I'm sorry but I've been
super busy -OK quick critique of the dress (as if anyone cares
what a cross dresser thinks about fashion, but here I go):

The veil when Kate wore it down was super sexy - just gorgeous, but when she
pulled it back it just sort of hung there looking flat, and lifeless -not exactly the
image one wants to invoke for a wedding - but I really liked the veil and the
boquet.  The lace looked really sexy but then it came to the sleeve it just looked
awkward - it reminded me of an ill fitting sweater I have and don't wear, but the
lace itself is really pretty.  I liked the length of the train but the square cut at the
end made it sort look like it was just cut to 10ft (or whatever that is in meters),
like someone said let's cut it here and they did, but that's all they did, no pretty
extra details, just a little too practical.  The waist detail -with the
stuff sticking out the side also look awkward to me -but she has a very tiny waist
(very anorexic -I mean that in a good way since she has been starving herself
I'm sure under medical supervision) but this is all real nit picky stuff, because
it was a dress that was supposed to be really straight forward and elegant and
with a few extra details thrown in and some work well - the veil (worn down),
the neckline, the overall flow of the gown - it really is very pretty so of course
overall grade is an A, us cross dressers just have to be mean because we're

So next topic -I've been on looking to make a connection with
men ( I don't mean that in the plural, but you know what I'm saying),
and recently I e-mailed a local guy, and he e-mailed me back, but he
didn't seem very responsive to my email.  So, I'm like well,
I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and e-mail him again [one thing he
was writing about was relocating, and I thought he was local -I've
restricted my search to local men] -I get another strange, unresponsive
e-mail asking me about my favorite color and stuff like that, and still not
answering where he lives, so I e-mail him and politely say this isn't
going to work. Then I get an e-mail yesterday and he's talking about
wanting my phone number and to ignore his Russian accent and all that,
and I'm picturing that I am probably talking to some Russian spy in
Moscow or someplace -obviously I didn't respond, the last
thing I need is the CIA monitoring the e-mails of writer of Transformative
Honeymoons - trust me I'm not bringing in any Gay Russian moles.
USA! USA! USA! Trust me, I'm red (in an American way) white and blue,

So I was kind of bumming about that effort, until I got a really
nice e-mail from a guy I e-mailed a few days ago  (it's not like that OK -I e-mail
very very few guys- really I'm not like that -if you've been reading my blog,
you know I'm not like that -really ).  Well, he actually read my
letter, and, he seems really nice, and so yeh (pitter-patter, sigh)
we'll see -I'm going to write my response after I post this,
but, he seems nice....

I'm going to a play tonight with this group, I found on meetup, so I'm
kind of going alone, kind of going with a new group but it's a fun play,
and I haven't seen it and it could be an enjoyable night out.

I don't really have anything else right now but I should have a bit more time now,
and I'll go over my latest plan to actually go out in public in drag sometime in the
next few months (to the Gay 90's) - but that'll be my next post.

Take Care,


Sunday, April 24, 2011

A Peace Offering to my pissed off followers

OK I know I'm pissing everyone off with my talk about going to church and all that,
but it was a nice service, very well attended, and it's good for me to get out more, and
honestly the bar scene is a tough place for me to find my way around safely. For someone,
like me, I have to be careful at the bars, and it's going to take time, and it's really
frustrating, but physically and emotionally there are so many ways to get hurt that being
careful is really important.

Regardless - how about a little peace offering - a new cap, and a couple nice old posters
I've done, and a promise to tone down some of the religious stuff for a while at least.
I'm still as fucked up as I ever was, trust me,.
I'm just a little bit happier -

PS-I finally did shave my chest hair and midway thru I started thinking the same thing
your thinking now -me having chest hair is really gross - I should have done
this a long time ago. It looks so much better, it feels so much better, I mean seriously
such a small change, but what an improvement.

take care,

(ignore the hairy chest-yuck!)

Friday, April 22, 2011

 Well, don't say I didn't warn you, but that's my Easter caption.
I wanted to do something suggestive of the shock and horror
of the chosen few, as they watched their leader hauled off to
court and then executed as a common criminal. 

Otherwise on  personal note - I've exchanged emails with a guy
on - I'm seeing a play next Fri,and I want to see if
he wants to try a date with me (going on a date would be pretty
exciting, I'd go as a man of course).  Well, we'll see, I haven't
heard back, but I just responded this morning.

 I graduate in early May, so that is coming up super quick - then
I start looking for work full time - I really want to be working right now.
I didn't get a job out of the last interview, fuck em.

I've set up an appointment to see a general therapist (next Tuesday -
 this is a general therapist,not a gender therapist -I may be crazy,
but I'm not that crazy). She is sympathetic to LGBT people.
I want to try and do something about some of the depression
and social anxiety I deal with, but I'll mention the trans stuff
as a factor.

I'll be going to my predominately LGBT church for Easter service on
Sunday.  I haven't decided if I'm going to join or not -but I will
keep attending, regardless.  I made a prayer to Jesus, you can
probably guess what it was about, but I think it really is just a
matter of facing up to the obvious, and doing what I was meant
to do - what I am called to do - I dunno, maybe.

Happy Easter!

how about a silly caption:

take care,

Monday, April 18, 2011

Here are four Photoshopped images
that I have worked on.

The top one is a photo manipulation of an image taken by someone else
for a friendly contest to see how various people would alter it -
I went with a "time/space portal in a comic book" for no good reason

[If you want to suggest how you'd like to turn this
   "time/space portal image" into your own personel
caption- leave me a comment with the
details of what you'd like to see and I'll make the caption
for you, and post it on this page
- but no male nudity, bondage, violence, stuff
like that ]

The next one is a little bit more serious competition in the same group
for the "April Showers" contest - here you needed to supply a picture
you took yourself and then digitally manipulate it - suggesting
something about April showers - I like how this one turned out. 

 a while ago I spent a huge amount of time on this one taking a hand sketch of mine
and converting it to a photoshop image - it took so much time I haven't done this
again, but if I got an feedback in the comments section that someone liked stuff
like this, I might try it again - if no ones is interested, screw it -it does take a lot
of time on my part

here's another approach I should probably go back to,
but again time is the problem - these take a lot of
time, and it doesn't seem to generate any comments,
so it's hard to justify the effort

I have an idea for the Easter post, but obviously
I was dinking around on the top two images
this evening so I haven't actually started it yet.
I'll get to it,

in the meantime if there is a particular caption or style you would
like to see more of, let me know,
if no one says anything, I just go where my Muse takes me

take care,



Sunday, April 17, 2011

Just a head's up -I'm going to be doing an Easter posting for my next post, and it will
probably (i.e. certainly) have a religious theme.  Hopefully it will have some humor too
(something along the lines of my Christmas and Thanksgiving captions shown below:)

                                                    "trans-honey" Christmas posting:

"trans-honey" Thanksgiving posting:

so you've been warned. 

A funny thing happened today - after I got out of church, I went to a PFLAG
meeting, and got there a few minutes before it was scheduled to start and
I'm walking around and I notice that the only people in the building
are women. Now I don't know about you, but the idea of me presenting
myself as a Gay man in a room full of Lesbian woman is really awkward - and the
last thing I want to do in this situation is start bringing up that I'm also been
diagnosed as a cross dresser. This would be just way too embarrassing.
So yeh, I walked around a bit, turned tail and headed back out the door
got in my truck and drove home (like the chicken that I am).
that's two "chicken-outs" in two days - which is some kind of record,
but seriously being the only guy in a room full of Lesbians is really awkard
if you are still getting used to being "out" in public. I mean think about it-
I'd be the only one there to represent the male of the species at this event

The other story I was going to tell - I joined this Gay culture-events group
I found in Meetup and have attended two events with this group - one was
a Gay themed play and the other was a Fashion Drag show - so two fun,
Gay oriented events I went with this group to.  But I was working Fri night
and went straight to the play from work -so I didn't get a chance to meet
anyone from the group at the resteraunt where they met before the play, so
I saw the play alone, and afterwards was tired and left soon after the play
was over.  I did get to the Drag fashion show early, but several of the people
didn't show and I was unable to tell who was in the group when I got there,
so again, I watched the fashion show alone, and didn't meet with
anyone from the group this time -so I've gone to two events with the group,
and I basically wound up sitting alone by myself - it's nobody's fault, and it's kind
of funny,  but that's part of the reason I chickened out of going yesterday - I am
going to the next play (I bought my ticket so you know I'll be there) and I have
that Friday off so I can go to the resteraunt before the show - so it will be a good
time, with the group.  And like I've said before, "I really suck at being Gay"
but I'm trying.

                                                                        Take care,


the latest vocal recordings of my "female voice"

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Well that sucks - I joined a meet up group that is interested in photo manipulations
and I can't make their next meeting but I saw they had a competition for April,
so I grabbed a picture of a waterfall and started manipulating it - the top picture
is what I came up, the bottom picture was the starting point.  But I went back
and actually read the post and this is some guys entry (which I obviously
thought was too colorful) -you are supposed to take your own picture and
manipulate it - not steal somebody elses photo (it was an honest mistake, OK?)

Anyways taking my own picture, well that's like too much work (I'm kidding,
I'll take some pictures but the theme is April Showers so I need a little rain -
which is forcast this week). In the mean time, I can't use this picture for anything
now -because I stole the picture as the starting point - they'd have my head
if I posted this image on that site,and rightly so - stealing images is not a good
thing to do (I goofed, OK?)

What a waste of time.
Oh I'm sorry - I meant to say - I did this specially for you dear reader

Meetup is kind of a fun website - I joined one Gay group there and have gone
to a couple plays (it's a funny story I'll save for later about me and this group)
but there are also book clubs and photo clubs, really anything you'd be interested
in meeting up with other people about -just Google "meetup" and give it a shot,
it doesn't have to be Gay or anything, that's just my latest fixation.

I was going to go out tonight, but I decided not to - I've been spending too much
money, and I was kind of over thinking things so I just thought I'd stay home,
and go to church tomorrow , a PFLAG meeting, then go out jamming later Sunday
evening, so yeh, another boring weekend with 0% probability of getting laid - Oh, well.
 I better toss in another rerun cap or two to mollify the masses:

PS - I took some pictures of the snow this morning - it was really pretty,
but it's still effing snow in the middle of April - if the competition was
April Snow Showers I'd have something to show them - it's not fair!

Thursday, April 14, 2011

I've been thinking I should probably be a little more serious about meeting people
when I go out - as difficult as it is for me to go out and as little time and money as I
have for these things - it's kind of important to make the most of what opportunities
I have.  I made some postings at Laura's Playground:
and got some really perceptive advice to a post I'd made about Gender Therapy and
Therapy in general in my situation- here's an excerpt:

"I think the crux of the problem is what you have identified. The socialization skills. Some
of that can be helped with professional development type of things, but if it takes the form
or social anxiety, that goes a bit deeper and seeing a therapist makes sense. So as you
suggested, you might want to seek out a more general therapist to deal with things like the
anxiety, depression, self esteem, etc. If you can improve those things it will help immensely.
Seeing a therapist for those things, if your not seeking a diagnosis on the gender stuff, may
not carry the same emotional anxiety." [end of excerpt]

It was actually a very long response to a long, rambling post of mine which really put many
things in perspective, and I was really impressed by the thoughtfulness and insight of the
writer (Drea)

Laura's Playground is a very significant site for people with gender issues - and they do a lot
of support for people who are considering suicide or need other immediate support -but also
people who have general or specific questions about their gender issues (it's not for admirers)
so I want to just make mention of the site and say it is an excellent resource
here's the link again:

I also came across this site, and I'm like oh my, oh my, oh my......

so of course I did the only sensible thing one can do after waking up at three in the morning
to visit this site for the third time in four hours - yep, I consulted the on-line I Ching site, and

I know it's hard to believe a grown man does stuff like this.  Oh well.
Honestly - I'm not sure where I'm at on that whole gender thing - I think
I'm leaning more toward a day time / night time split - I'm so used to being
a man at work that I don't see how I could be effective any other way -
but at night, well that's when you let your hair down.  Really now it's kind
of getting to be a case of getting out of school, finding a job, and taking
it as it comes, not consulting the on-line I Ching - I'm such a doofus,
I can't believe I did that - I mean seriously I need to keep the computer
turned off after midnight and get a good night's sleep.

UPDATE - So I got my paycheck and the garnishment still hasn't started.
So the last I heard, The Department of Education was going to garnish
15% of my take home pay from my part-time minimum wage job, and
the total absurdity of it really doesn't matter - but it hasn't started yet,
so I'm going to use this ill-gotten windfall to renew my anti-virus
software for another year -yeah! (there's some freeware stuff I was
going to try -but I've never had a problem with McAffee). 
I will be finishing up school very, very soon now - just after Easter.
As tough as it's been lately - I'm kind of proud of getting through this,
and, well we see - hopefully it increases my options career wise.
So how about a rerun caption for old time's sake:

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

This is just to break the ice -but I wanted to get something up.

So what  have I been up to? I went to HD broadcast of the Met Opera Sat -
 a very silly opera, but it was fun, then I went to the Gay 90's drag show,
and it lived up to it's name -the hostess was hammered and the whole
thing was a bit of a drag really - I'm losing interest in this -but as a safe
place to go in drag (someday) it's good to know you're way around. 
It is getting boring and I'm not meeting anyone when I go, so I probably
won't be back there for a while. I'm going to try the Saloon (another Gay
bar in Minneapolis) next. 

Went to church on Sunday, and again it seems that there is something
for me that I'm identifying with so I don't know, maybe I'm becoming a
religious weirdo or something.  I do look forward to it, I know that.
I'm going to consider actually joining the church -I don't know,
I'm not much of a joiner, but I'm thinking about it, honestly.

Otherwise I might have some good news on Friday -one can hope.

Saturday, April 9, 2011

So it's like a woman's perrogative, right.
Anyways - I'm going to keep the blog going,
but I am going to change the site, significantly.

I suppose the most obvious change will be the
captions, I  do want to keep doing something
"caption-like" but I want to move away from
"Rachels' Haven" style captions - I've joined
that site a couple times and quit a couple times now.
If people don't trade back it's not very much fun.
But let's be honest, it's a fantasy site which would
be a lot of fun if I was accepted there, but I am a very
strange person, and that puts a lot of people off.

So where do I want to go with the captions? I want to
combine poetry and abstract art into "art-posters"
Now before you all go running for the hills screaming
"could anything be worse than some sissy faggot
poetry corner" hear me out.

This is an example of the type of "Art Poster" I'm talking about - it is not
going to be that shit they taught in English class (personally I absolutely love
Robert Lax's "Circus Days and Nights" - I am in awe of Shakespeare -
I've set several of the Psalms to music - The Song of Solomon is so amazing that
I can't begin to describe how good it really is - I could go on but the point is I love
Poetry and you don't and I don't want to bore you -  I want to make works that are
accesible and enjoyable to you  - about some guy who thinks inside he's at least as
much a woman as he is a man - and this fictional character (unlike anyone I
personally know, and certainly not autobiographical) will be speaking about what it
feels like to be a human being from this particular and peculiar first person

here's another example of the type of work I want to do:

only more poetic - but poetic is a very loose term in today's world - basically
poetry is whatever I say it is, if I am a legitimate poet.  Of course if I'm just
some asshole with a word processor, who knows - it might be poetry, it might not be.
So how do you know you're getting genuine poetry, and not a cheap imitation?

Well I've been writing poetry for many years, and over time that evolved to song lyrics-
I've written hundreds of songs, and also a couple musicals with my songs in them.
Here is a link to one of my plays if you want to hear what my songs sound like:
the other play I received an Illionois Arts Council Fellowship and $7,000 for.
I have also performed music professionally, and have been doing  all the captions
at "Transformative Honeymoons" since I started this blog back in November.
So, yeh, I think I have at least some qualifications to write a poetry blog that
doesn't suck any more than the blog did before - here's another example of
an art poster that's fairly poetic:

so I've been going in this direction for some time anyways, but I've also been doing
the "funny captions" which I guess just aren't funny - I still want to do some funny
captions, because poetry that is always serious isn't good art - it's torture - I won't do
that to you - but I want to start talking about how I (oops - how this fictional person
who is not anyone I know) feels inside in a way that I feel is poetic (no it won't usually
rhyme or use meter) and is visually artistic, some of it will be over the top-like this
self pitying drivel:
but hopefully not too much - I mean visually I'd like to aim more for things like this:

so anyways, bear with my while I revamp this site -it's going to be a little slow at first,
but hopefully it will be better
it will certainly be different.....

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Going out of Business -again
Well like I said I'd give it a try and see what happened - it didn't work out.
I decided to leave the blog up - but I'm not going to be posting in April-
that's definite, and I don't know if there will be any posts after that.

I  should probably elaborate a little - back in the fall, I left a pretty lucrative position where
I had steady employment and benefits and health care and all that, but I felt so trapped,
and everybody feels trapped I know that, but not like that.  I needed to make some
significant changes, so I put together a plan to try and change things to make my life
more livable.  One of the points I have been talking about obviously is how I feel that
I really need to integrate my femminity into my life - I continue to work at that - it is
very difficult for me - I do genuinely believe though that my happiness and surviveability
reguires that I figure out how to make this reality - I don't think I am really talking about
SRS or HRT or anything like that, I am talking about being more effeminate than most
guys, and finding some friends who wouldn't mind if, in my free time, I wanted to spend
my time being pretty girly, and dressing up and all that silly stuff, but it's a free country
(or so I'm told by people who are trying to correct that) and when I put put on a dress,
I really honestly do not want to hurt you, or destroy the Constitution or wreck the moral
and social code, or burn down your house or anything, trust me - I just want to look
like I feel inside, which is exactly the way 50% of all Americans feel (i.e. most women).

Believe it or not, I really do not want to make you uncomfortable. I know it does,
and I'm sorry, but it's not all about you, any more than every thing is about me - and
that's not where I am at on this. 

That is also not where most cross-dressers are coming from, and believe it or not most
cross-dressers are not Gay, they just are really, really attracted to woman, and would
like to be like them - well I'd go along with that, but , honestly I'd like to meet a guy on a
date, kiss, hold hands, walk in the moonlight, maybe do a little bit more in private room,
that'd be really nice, try and build a life together with someone I care about..... I have
become convinced that when Jesus looks in my soul and sees this, and He sees what I have
been thru to keep this dream in my heart, He'll probably figure out some way to forgive me,
on this one. 

Anyways, I am finishing up with school in early May, and I really desperateley need to find
a good job - in a way this is a turning point for me - I can talk about how I took control
of my career, got more current technical training and picked an area that I find more
interesting and have more specific knowledge in, got more active and lost 50 pounds
working out, have been working on my socializiation skills some  (I still need
help here, but I'm working on it) - seriously there is a lot I offer an employer -
engineering degree and project experience, current (albeit only 1 year) technical
training, CAD skills, budgeting, estimating, and even in my free time on this blogs
things like Photoshop, and general writing skills, I mean if they can get past that I'm
kind of effeminate,  I've actually made some of past employers a lot of money.
I guess that's a matter of what's important, because, really I'd be a lousy hunting
buddy or golf partner -- but if you want to go the theater or the opera or down
town to the drag show ( probably not, huh).   I like making money for people,
I just wish they didn't feel so compelled to take advantage of me when they
start to figure out how really effeminate I am inside- that's not right, but I'm
trying to change that - and with a new career, hopefully it  will - but I really
need a position and not just for the money, or for what it offers me in terms of
new dresses, and heels and wigs and stuff (which is all very tantalizing -I'm not
going to even try to deny that) but I really do need to feel like my life is
useful to society - and I've made huge personel sacrifices in the past to some really
crappy people in order to be employed in engineering jobs -and plain
and simple, employed engineers and technical people create jobs and keep people
employed, say what you will about me personally. 

So, I need to focus on looking for work - I need to focus on presenting myself
effectively and honestly in the professional world (and that does not mean acting
like a sissy, or advertizing these things that are after all private matters, but it does
mean not hiding who I really am today) and that is going to make finding a position harder
- but it also makes that position that much more valuable, more worthwhile - working
for someone who is on the right side of this important issue (regardlesss of their
personal orientation -which I could care less about).

so, that's where I'm at,
It's a matter of priorities, of focus, of trying to transform my life really
I need to put my energies else where right now.

Take Care

PS - Thanks Jennifer, I'll still read your blog of course, but I asked for the Stacy
folder to be deleted - I'm kind of thinking of taking any future caption I do in the
direction of "art posters" with poetry and abstract images and of course a pretty
girl some where in the picture.  But right now I'm trying to arrange interviews
and finish up school.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Leave it to Best Buy to hire a 61 year old cross-dresser as the token Trans
spokesman -I mean the guy hasn't changed his name and won't even disclose his
real name (i.e. his male name) because it might be embarrasing when he goes to
church as a man!  Probably with his wife and kids - this is a joke right?

It must be really nice to assume some girly name and put on a dress and go to
work and act all sissy all day and then come home to your manly life on the nights
and weekends, Seriously where can I get a job like this? I'll be trans for a day.

I'm sure he's a sweet guy and all, but he's even less trans than I am.  At least
I use the same name on the weekdays that I use in church  on the weekend
(OK it's my male name, that sucks I know, I'm working on it OK). 

But seriously I was terrified at the idea of walking around as some freakazoid
half man/half woman trans person - and the thought of surgery is even ghastlier,
but I do admire people who have had the courage to face that and prevail.
Let them in the doors at Best Buy, Let the phony corporate types meet
someone who has shown genuine courage and lived with humiliation and hate
and all the idiocy that people like the owners of Best Buy promote -then
write an article about it - but this, this is a joke.

here's an excerpt:

For all her transgender advocacy and workplace assertiveness, Sheridan leads
a life in which she keeps much private, including her legal, male name. She said
she is in a long-term romantic relationship, but does not identify with whom.
Nor does she name the church she attends, because she does so as a man.
However, she doesn't see herself as having two identities. 

(what a load of rubbish)

and here's the link:

I'm sorry but really, if it was someone other than Best Buy I'd
ignore it, but from them, this is a joke.

Anyways the music at my church was really good today - there's a female singer
who was in really good voice, and the chorus, well the chorus was making a
"joyful noise unto the Lord", but they are having fun and celebrating, and
I really don't want to be mean to everybody today -I'm sure if I ever met
"Ms" Sheridan I would feel really horrible about all the mean things I just said
about her -it's not her -it's Best Buy and their total phoniness on this issue.

UPDATE - someone actually linked to this one - I don't think that has
happened before here's the site -it's an interesting, very opinioted site,
worth a look:

so I left a comment to clarify where I'm coming from on this issue:

Blogger Samantha said...
my objection is that he has
chosen to use a false name in
the workplace -and not reveal
his legal name - while talking
about people who are not leading
this double life, and do use their
legal name as the one and only
name they face life with.

I also do genuinely believe that
Best Buy's owners are against people who are genuinely trans
or generally LGBT and they chose
to hire as a consultant someone
who is not LGBT deliberately,
in order to make a mockery of the issue. I Boycott Best Buy,
but I'm sure they really don't
give a flying you know what about
what I do, or think.

Technically I do not consider a
non-openly gay male professionally
performing under a drag name
(which is what he is doing) to
be LGBT.

I think I probably should have thought thru this before I wrote
it - because my objection is
legitimate - my tone was bad,
and it comes off as mean to
someone who like I admit, is
just as trans, and not trans,
as I am - but then, I am not
a paid consultant talkikng
in a major newspaper, representing
myself on a very, very important
issue = an issue which does cause
the loss of life of some very
good decent people, and does
not seem to be improving in the
real world where you and I live.

(hey I'm suprised anybody seriously reads some of the nonsense I write over at my

Saturday, April 2, 2011

So the payroll check did clear - I called the bank again expect the worst,
but no this time - hah!  So I'm off to the circus -bye!

PS first caption was for Shauna-Marie, the second was just an idea I had,
I don't know if i like it or not, but so what - nobody reads this blog anymore
any ways (except one very cool person)

UPDATE- Yeah! I made it to the circus - there was an amazing act, where a lady
is changing her dress in the blink of an eye - she changes from one outfit to another
in about 0.8 seconds and you can't even see it changing - I have no idea how
she was doing it - I was totally amazed - I got to find out (and when I find out,
I won't tell you because magicians never reveal a secret)
- I really have to find out how she did this -
It's like a Quest now! (Monty Python and the Holy Grail reference - as an aside I've
only seen one Broadway show in my life, and yes it was Spamalot - a very silly play)

The Circus was fun, and I'm actually in a really good mood today,
which is pretty cool - well I got to take the dog for a walk -she's been cooped up while
I've been jamming and going to the circus, so I really need to play with her a bit.

Friday, April 1, 2011

I have a job interview in a few hours - so that's all I'm focusing on right now.
I good job would really help everything right now - it's amazaing how much
of my life has been given to employers - I've literally made guys hundreds of
thousands of dollars a year in profitable sales, and gotten very little for it - not
on the human side, certainly not in compensation.

It's one of the real downsides to being someone like me, and a very good reason
to get out of sales - I make these guys rich, and where are they now - nowhere.

But that's why I went back to school - I want a job that isn't directly tied to
making the money - I want to work hard, deal with people one-on-one, solve
problems,  make enough money to get by, and buy some pretty dresses
(I won't mention that at the interview, but what the Hell, it's a hobby)
I actually went into therapy about this and even the therapist said I'm just
a cross dresser.  It's pretty harmless compared to base jumping.

So the first caption was made for Dementia at Rachel's Haven.
As is the second which I did several months ago (so the 2nd one's a rerun)
Her blog is way more interesting than mine you can check it out here:
the third cap is one I did for Jennifer a while back and I haven't
promoted Jennifer's site enough - so definately check this site out:
I visit this site often and leave comments pretty regularily as Samantha1.

then a couple more captions thrown in because I have nothing really to say today.
I did get paid last night - Yeah! and the Department of Education still has not
started garnishing my wages (yeh from my part-time, minimum-wage job) so
to celebrate, I bought some Rogaine - yeh it's thinning up there, so I'll see
if this helps (I'm such a sucker for stuff like that). 

Anyways I'll update this post when I get back this afternoon
Circus tommorrow! Yeah!

UPDATE - the interview went really well. I won't hear for a while, and
someone else is still to be interviewed, but this would be very good,
if I get it - I would really be happy with this position - and I really have
worked hard and sacrificed a lot to pull this off - I mean if it happens,
I'd really be thrilled and happy and proud  (Apollo 13 reference). 
And if not, I came in gave my best pitch, and that's just what I'll do
on the next interview, and that's just what I'll do when I finally land a job. 
I was so happy till I read the post about Rachel's room troubles
 - I remember talking to my ex-therapist about all the real-life troubles
I was going through and talking about some of the real-life problems the
people around me are going through, and  she stated " doesn't that make
you feel better?" and I said "no, I want to hear about people I know
succeeding" I mean that, honestly - I'm fed up with misery loves company,
even if I can't win, I want to hear that somebody I know wins, somebody
succeeds -Somebody has to be winning, somewhere -these are tough times.

UPDATE #2 - it looks like there's some kind of problem with my paycheck
clearing thru the bank - so I won't be going to the Circus unless they take care of
it tomorrow (Saturday) which is unlikey - I'm bumming, because I won't be jamming
either or doing anything all weekend - no gas, no access to my money -this sucks -
it's supposed to be nice out, so maybe I can take a long bicycle ride, put
some miles between me and all this frustration. 

.......I believe that

Update #3 (blush) - of course,  what I meant to say was:

(Very Freudian, and kind of embarrassing )