Friday, December 31, 2010

A Little Thing Like a Kiss

So, if you read this blog and don't just look at the pictures, you
won'tbe suprised to find out I have a little cold today.  Why? I can't
imagine. I did work out, but it wasn't fun.
I've been thinking of ditching the Stacy Wilderness stuff,
but it's good writing practice,so here's one last gasp for 2010.
Enjoy.



A Little Thing, Like a Kiss
Day 13 of the Honeymoon, continued, part 3
By field reporter Stacy Wilderness


So apparently, the editor of Transformative-Honeymoons is not
too happy with sweet little Stacy Wilderness. Even on my
Honeymoon, I still check my e-mails, especially from my boss,
and yeh, she’s not a happy camper.

(Of course we have email at the cabin up north of Duluth, what,
you think I wave down a passing moose and duct tape these
articles to his antlers? We have email, everyone has email).

It can really be annoying checking your emails on your
Honeymoon, especially if it’s from Samantha, but as a field
reporter, it’s part of my job. I check my emails, and this one
is a doozy. Samantha says she’s tired of being girly-girl, so
now I have to pick up the slack and be more passionate about my
descriptions, especially about when Dan kisses me. Dan and I
are still chuckling about Samantha not being girly-girl, but
she’s a smart girl, give her time, she’ll figure it out.

But in the meantime I have to put up with her being a, well it
rhymes with stitch. So let’s hit the rewind button and go back
to me bringing Dan his drink, after I’ve finished the dishes.

So the skirts a little flouncy, and I’m swaying my hips and
The hem is kind of swaying nicely with my steps, it makes a very,
very soft swish, the heels click on the wood floor, swish,
click, swish, click…very tiny steps, with my feet almost inline,
almost heel to toe, not quite, but this is not an efficient way
to walk, nobody walks this way, unless they’ve practiced, and
nobody’s practiced, unless they want to excite a man. Well
let’s be honest, right now, I want to excite a man.

I’m kind of watching my heels as I walk. Watching the skirt sway,
And so my eyes are not on Dan. I know he’s watching me, admiring
me, undressing me in his mind, and I blush, but I do not look up.
His eyes are so intense, I’d lose track of everything.
No I look down, at me heels, at my skirt. Holding his drink and
my drink, one in each hand, my hands down at my sides, as if for
balance. But I know when I’m close enough, I see his feet.
He looks at me, silently, I feel his gaze, like a fire. I look
at his feet, and blush. I close my eyes and lean forward, it is
awkward leaning forward with your eyes closed, wearing heels.
It would not be gallant of Dan if I fell flat on my face and
broke my pretty nose. He’s there, he won’t let that happen,
I know that. But it is awkward, and posed like that, tipping
forward, my eyes closed, my lips pursed, waiting, waiting for
what seems like a very long time before Dan puts one hand on my
shoulder, giving me support. The other hand brushes my cheek,
and I can feel the discharge of static electricity (funny, I
didn’t know wood floors built up static charges, but they must).
He leans forward, I feel the breath from his nostrils on my cheeks
I smell his scent, he is very, very close to me. Even with my
eyes closed I can tell, he is not an inch from me. His lips a
mere fraction from me, the warmth of his face, I can feel. His
breath wafts across my nose my cheeks, my lips. I breath his
breaths, share his air, we are so close. My lips pursed, my
pulse quickens, my eyes closed, I wait. And finally his lips press
against mine. I yield to him, sighing, drawing air in from his
lungs, warm, moist air through pursed lips. My mind studies the
exquisite curves and contours of his lips, they are warm, full
lips. Full and soft, like mine, but different somehow. It is
hard not to study these differences, when you are kissing your man.
You should try it sometime Samantha! Oh Heavens, I think my
Cell phone battery is dea…


As a Special Feature, Transformative-Honeymoons recently hired
field reporter Stacy Wilderness to provide live action reporting
of her honeymoon, which took place Wednesday, December 15th, at
the Coppertop Church (First United Methodist) overlooking
the lake in Duluth, MN.

PS - she is so fired!

PPS-I'll going to just blog once a week from now on, probably on Saturdays.

Thursday, December 30, 2010

My New Years Post (version 2..0)




written 12/30/10, slightly revised 12/31/10


It is raining today.  A little cold drizzle, the sky is grey, there
Is a misty haze, the snow is soft and wet, your feet get cold
And wet, the rain soaks your coat.  Cold and wet and grey.
I need days like this.  They help me think.

Here  are some lyrics to a song  I really like

(partly because I wrote it, mainly because it's good):
The Rain Falls Down (on a Freeman)
So there's this guy out on a pier, fishin’, and it's cold and it's wet and it's
raining, and he's not catching a damn thing. But he looks like the
happiest SOB I've ever seen in my life. Now sometimes, curiosity gets
 the better of the cat, so I’m like OK, I’ll bite, and I walk up and I say
"So, how's the fishing?"
"Pretty bad, pretty bad"
"Think you're gonna catch anything?"
"Nope, no I know I won’t"
"So..."
"Yep"
"So…"

So the rain falls down on a Freeman
rain falls down on a Freeman
I say the rain falls down on a Freeman
LET THE RAIN FALL ON ME

[Harmonica solo]

So we're standing out there in the rain like that, standing there for quite a

while actually, and finally he says:
"You know, I just got out of Prison today. I was there for eight years.

For eight years, I told myself that the first thing I was gonna do ,

when I got out was go up to that there Minnesota, where they got 10,000 lakes,

and I was gonna get me a pole, and some bait, and a fishing license, and brother

I was going fishing!

Now for eight years, I dreamed of this day, and believe me it was not like this!

But it is what it is.

And you can stand there with that fat-boy, self-satisfied, suburban smirk on your face

and think anything you want to about me, but friend I’m going fishin’!

And I know it’s cold, and it’s wet and it’s raining, and do you know why that is?

Because the rain falls down on a Freeman
rain falls down on a Freeman
I say the rain falls down on a Freeman
Let the rain fall on me.

[harmonica solo]

There are two versions of my last play, a full length version and a one-hour version.
This song  is from the full length version.  I wrote this song. It is registered with the
US Government as a song in my play.  I should be proud of this.  I am. Not everyone
could write a musical all by themselves.  I wrote the song about my feelings about
being trapped in my job and my life. That was three jobs ago. I’m a little dense
(or as Jethro Tull said, “Thick as a Brick”).


The play did not attract any interest, so I’ve abandoned it.  I would like to talk about

writing  this play, and some of the difficulties I encountered occasionally  in my blog.

It won’t become a blog about playwriting, but occasionally, when ever, I want to talk

about this subject (my last play,my next play about Berta Beeson).  It’s a part of who I am.
It’s like Don Quixote tilting at windmills, only I knew they were windmills, not giants,
Don Quixote, on his nag, in the snow and the rain, and Picasso would say “Glorious!
I must paint that.”

I’ve mentioned I’ve written two plays, neither of which was produced, but the first
I did make money on.  I spent about five years all told writing my first play.
At the very end, I wound up house sitting for someone, and this gave me a chance to get
home from work, put on something “nice” and write. For three weeks I was able

to have the space, the privacy, the negligee, that I could dress up when I felt like it.

Which honestly was from the time I got home, until the time I left the house.

 So yeh, when the inspiration did hit me, I was lying on this girly bed, wearing

a pretty black camisole,  for hour after hour, awake or asleep, day after day, and I

couldn’t write fast enough. I have never before or since had this opportunity.  It was

like a truck suddenly running on 8 cylinders, the creative release was like opening a

door and seeing a  world outside, and just writing it down, the easiest, most natural

thing in the world.  It was wonderful. 


 I am very proud of the accomplishment of writing this play. Very, very few people ever

write a play, and receive a major award for their effort. But like so many significant

events in my life, I can not seperate the achievement from the cross dressing,

from the identity issues. I was there. I remember.

So I locked the door and boarded it over, and went back to running  on three,
or four, or five cylinders, and you’re not going to win a race like this.

I’ve talked about boxing, being in the corner, getting pummeled.  I don’t think
it much matters whether you’re in the macho-macho corner or the girly-girly
corner.  You’re in a corner getting pummeled, get off the ropes, get out of the
corner . But like I also said, sometimes  when you are in the corner, you come

up with something good.  I learned an art term the other day – Wabi Sabi.

It means the celebration of Imperfection.  I’m like the poster child of Wabi Sabi.  

I like that. That works, that's who I am:

 Me, a guy, in a pretty gown, on my donkey, in the rain, and the snow,

tilting at windmills! Glorious!

Get me a pen.
It’s still raining out there, and to paraphrase Bob Dylan (A Hard Rains

a Gonna Fall), "I’m going back out...", but I’m just going to the health club,

trying to lose some weight.

So picture this, some silly guy pulling up to the line in his pink truck

And everybody in the stands is laughing at him, but them 8 cylinders

are purring like a kitten – Wanna Drag?  I’ll blow your doors off.

PS – Welcome Lissa! You never know what you’re going to get with this blog

PPS -  Happy New Year (I’m fine, really)




Airport Delays

Hey,

The Geniuses in the Marketing Department of Transformative-Honeymoons
just dropped this on my desk.  I told them they were daft.  They said,
"No, No, Run it by Sammie, She knows a good idea when she sees one."

Paper Doll sets for Girls and Boys, I mean really,
Well I hope you like it, but my expectations for sales are not high.



There are dowloadable brush sets you can get which can really increase
your options when it comes to making backgrounds in Photoshop
I made this earlier, in about 20 minutes:



I just learned about custom brush sets, and this is so cool.  I'll have a blast with these.
(the above captions were posted at Rachels Haven)


Because of all the flight delays, my sisters flight got rebooked, so I've got to take her
to the airport in an hour and a half.  It's like 2 in the morning here, so yeh, yuck.
I'm tired, slept a little, but yeh I'm tired.  Before I quit my last job, I spent the
last year feeling like I do right now every God Damned day.  My sleep cycle is still
screwed up (I had to wake up at 4:30, and many nights I still wake up at 4, kick
around a bit and go back to sleep til 6:30 or so) But at least now I'm not tired
during the day.  It really wasn't that long ago - July.  It feels like long ago,
in a galaxy far away. Never again -there's nothing to go back to. 
(kind of a downer, but I'm not whining,
I'm just very tired right now, and this is how I am when I'm tired, sorry).

I found this on the internet, and it sounds like Stacy Wilderness to me,

one of those mid-November Scorpio girls:


What it's Like to Date a Scorpio Woman:

Scorpio woman is very emotional, very demanding and very demonstrative. She is full of flair and intrigue, a fascinating woman that the strong A-type personality male will adore, for she presents the right amount of challenge with the right amount of rewards. The Scorpio woman is the ultimate seductive, flirtatious woman. She won't give a man her heart very easily because she is weary of trusting another person. The man will have to go through a series of 'mental tests' in order for the relationship to get solid and close. She may not show it, but she wants a close committed relationship. In order for this, the man has to be trusted, has to be affectionate and never try to control her. She is very possessive but the Scorpio woman is so full of mystery, sensuality and passion that most men do not mind being possessed by her.

PS-If you are in the Twin Cities area and have positive experiences with your
Gender Therapist, I'd love to hear from you.  There's a link to my email in the
profile section.

PPS- Me at the airport, 3:30 in morning in the rain, the mist - just like Casablanca!

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Bailey's On Ice

Go Vikes!  I got to watch the underdog Vikings defeat the Eagles
and was really pleased about the whole thing.  And for a young
quarterback, what ever happens going forward, his life has
been transformed.  Maybe the Vikings have found a Coach
and a Quarterback for next year.  I hope so. What a great
story.

I've been buried with obligations lately but I do have another
Stacy Wilderness report.  I've made mention several times now
that I woud like to get comments, to no avail. So, I have decided
to resort to bribery.  Here's the deal. Transformative-Honeymoons
is offering a genuine Faux Credit Card from Sam's Really Fun Bank,
with your name on it.  All you have to do is ask, leave your name
in a comment, and indicate that you'd like a card, and I'll post
a copy of this Faux Visa Card with your name on it. Download
the image, print it off, show it to your Boss, he'll be impressed,
show it to your Girlfriend, she'll be thrilled.  Really.



So without further ado, the second installment from our field reporter Stacy Wilderness:

Baileys on Ice
Day 13 of the Honeymoon, continued 
by Stacy Wilderness
The dishes are done.  I take my apron off and hang it on the hook.  There’s a mirror
on the wall, and I brush my hair.  I practice two or three smiles, the second one,
that’s the one I’ll use, tonight. It’s a very pretty smile and innocent looking too. 
 It’s important to look innocent, on your Honeymoon. I still tingle when I say that,
me, a wife.  Mmmm, so nice.
Dan has not said a word since dinner.  What would he say?  I have my chores, too. 
 I do the dishes.  Until they’re done, he just has to wait.  Now that they’re done,
we’ll talk.
But first, a drink.  Something  suitable for times like these,  what else:  Bailey’s on Ice.
I take two glasses from the cupboard and set them on the counter. Then  I take the
black bottle of Bailey’s from the liquor cabinet and set it down and get the ice.
Like everything  else in Life,  there is a right way and a wrong way to do this.
4 cubes, maybe 5.  No more, no less.  A clear glass, solid, unpretentious, something
sturdy we’re from Irish stock , Dan and I, no need to put on the airs.  The Bailey’s is
stored at room temperature (62 deg F in the cabin). That is what the ice is for, to cool
the Bailey’s.   It is wrong  to pour a cold liquor on ice, so very, very wrong.
The Bailey’s is warm, the ice is cold, let Time work it’s magic.  We have time.

I check my hair in the mirror once more, and make sure my blouse is tucked in nice.
I run my hands along my hips to smooth my skirt.  Quite useless really, what  ever I’ve
accomplished by this will be undone once I take three steps.  I don’t know why I do it,
Well actually I do,  I worked hard for this figure, and I want to enjoy what I got. 
I walk back to the counter to get the two glasses, and hear the click -click of my heels
on the wood floor.  It had never occurred me that Dan must be hearing all this also.
Pouring the Bailey’s, setting the bottle down, walking over to mirror to make myself
look pretty, walking back to pick up the two glasses.  I blush, but of course he knows
I work at making myself look pretty. I so want to look pretty for him, and it’s a lot of work,
but still I blush.  I’m not sure why.

 I pick up the two glasses and walk to the next room.  Dan is standing by the sofa. 
Obviously he heard me coming in.  It’s those heels.  Click-click-click-click  
Heels!  In a Cabin north of Duluth.  How silly, I couldn’t take five steps outside in these. 
I walk up to him holding out the drinks, one in each hand, and smile the smile I
practiced, the sweet, innocent one.  Dan smiles and reaches for his drink. 
“Thank you, Angel.” He says.  This is very dirty pool on his part.  He found out last
night that I like being called Angel, I never knew that about myself.  I can’t imagine
why I would like that, I’m certainly no angel. But when a man calls me Angel, it’s
like, It’s hard to describe, but I like it.  Dan knows I like it. He is teasing me,
it is so unfair. I don’t play games like that – oh shut up, I don’t play games.

What’s it matter, "Angel", and he hasn’t even kissed me yet. 
I pull the two glasses behind my back and close my eyes, leaning forward. 
It is slightly awkward, and I feel like I’m posed like this for longer than I was
really expecting, 5 -10 seconds perhaps, but he does kiss me.
Softly the first time. Much more how I like it the second . 
He really is very strong.

In between these kisses, he took the Bailey’s glasses from me , took a sip
from one, and set them on the table. He was worried I’d forget all about the
damn glasses of Bailey’s when he kissed me, and drop them on the floor. 
He’s no dummy. 

He releases me, and I turn to pick up my glass from the table. He wraps his hands
around my waist, and presses himself against me. He blows a soft puff of air
against the nape of my neck.  It sends a shiver down my spine. 

 I close my eyes and raise the glass to my lips and taste it’s cool/warm sweet creamy
liquor going down,
warming my belly.
Mmmm!  Bailey’s on Ice, so nice.

As a Special Feature, Transformative-Honeymoons recently hired field reporter
Stacy Wilderness to provide live action reporting of her honeymoon, which took place
Wednesday, December 15th, at the Coppertop Church  (First United Methodist) overlooking
the lake in Duluth, MN.

PS- Go Vikes!

PPS- 1806 page views yesterday alone, somebody must be reading this

Monday, December 27, 2010

A Cabin North of Duluth




So obviously I'm in a silly mood. I'll make some nice captions next time.
Christmas is over, wheh!  But it was really nice.I honestly enjoyed it this year. 
I gained 5 pounds in one week -I am not happy about that, but I was out
cross-country skiing today, and I was at the health club for an hour and a half.
It's a setback, but I'm getting in shape -what really scares me is bulking out. 
God, I hope not.  I applied for a part-time job and interviewed for another. 
The interview went extremely well, so let's hope.

You would not believe how beautiful it is outside today - there was ice on the
trees, and fresh white snow covering everything, clear blue skies, ice crystals
in the air -it was breathtaking.  Cross Country Skiing when is 10 deg or so
sounds psychotic until you try it.  I sort of agree with Stacy Wilderness when
she says she welcomes Winter. If  you could just turn it off,when you were thru.

I did these top two captions for Heather69 at Rachels Haven - I can be a little
hard to understand sometimes (no, seriously) - so the second one was trying to
poke a little fun at myself for writing really ambiguous stuff that no normal person
could make heads or tails of. The third one is based on a comment Jennifer
made at this site about water balloons.  So be careful if you do leave a comment,
I may make a caption out of it.

So I had an idea today,and rather than think this thru, I'm just going to give it a try:

A Cabin, North of Duluth
By field reporter Stacy Wilderness

It’s Winter here, at the cabin north of Duluth.  It’s official, we celebrated
the Solistice with a drum circle,  with chimes, with friends.  Now we settle
in for the long, cold, dark  Winter nights.  Which is good, I like Winter. 
Let me rephrase that.  I welcome Winter.  I am a poet.  I accept Winter will
come, I prepare for Winter.  Winter, and dark and stormy nights.  A poet has 
needs – I need Winter.  It is here. Welcome.
My husband (there is still a tingle when I say that, but it is all ready day 13
of our honeymoon).  My husband comes home expecting dinner to be ready,
and hands me the fish he’s caught.  I like to cook, but  I am still learning. 
It pleases me when he compliments my cooking.  I hate to clean fish. 
Poets do not clean fish.  Not if we have a choice.  It is hard to rhyme
“silver and ebony in living impasto….” With “Fuck this!” 
I’m his wife, that’s why I do it.  “by the choices you make”, as they say.  
Poet or Wife, I choose Wife, the one who cleans the cold grey  fish
that stare at you in Death.
The wind has picked up.  You can hear it, but the cabin is not drafty. 
There is a fire going.  It is warm by the fire.  Dan, my husband is sitting
by the fire waiting.  He is waiting for me to finish the dishes.  “No left-overs
tonight!”, I think and giggle.  I don’t think Poet’s are supposed to giggle. 
In fact I’m sure they don’t. Poet’s are never happy.  
Maybe I’m not really a poet….

As a Special Feature, Transformative-Honeymoons recently hired field reporter
Stacy Wilderness to provide live action reporting of her honeymoon, which took
place Wednesday, December 15th, at the Coppertop Church  (First United
Methodist) overlooking the lake in Duluth, MN.



PS- Hi Dara!  Hi Calie! as an ex-musician, I'm going to have to poke around some more
at your t-tunes site (caliesttunes.blogspot.com)

PPS-well I better start thinking about my "Happy New Year's" post, and yes, today's
post is very strange, even for me.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Wedding Pictures



So eventually I figured out I owed a couple captions at the Haven from a couple
weeks ago (which is really embarrassing). I was able to come up with a cap for
Petra pretty quick (the Microsoft cap), but not so with Bren.  I didn't have
anything, total blank - which is always a little disconcerting, you start thinking the
whole writer's block thing: you're not creative, you're a fraud, you'll never write
again. I didn't have time for that silly stuff, so I just emailed her the Salvador Dali
picture of the watch, and said I'd get back to her in a day or two.  I came up with
the text for "Samantha Seuss" walking the dog the next day, and finished the cap
that evening. It took about 2 hours, but I was fighting my own demons, so it's OK
to spend a little longer on this one.

All of which has nothing to do with wedding pictures.
So let's talk wedding pictures all ready.

I really like looking at wedding pictures, and I use them in my captions with some
regularity.  So I'm going to share a couple cap's that I've posted previously, but
this time include the source wedding pictures and discuss the wedding pictures
themselves instead of captions (which you've all ready seen).

One thing to keep in mind when you're looking at wedding pictures is that the
happy couple or their families have paid the photographer a lot of money, and the
photographer is trying to show that he's Ansel Adams, or some other photogaphic
genius, the couple has all ready had a long day and now they are being ordered
around by some wack job photographer, when what they really want to do is get
on with the Honeymoon.  And we all kow what happens on a Honeymoon,
repeatedly. (it's a very beautiful thing when two people love each other). So they
are tired, and trying to be good sports about it, keep that in mind looking at
wedding pictures.

So example #1


This is a really nice picture.  I'd hire this photographer, and they're not fashion
models or anything, but they're happy.  They belong together.  And the idea is nice
 - the girl hiding behind the door, waiting.  They so want to be together- it's lovely. 
I feel a little guilty using it in my warped caption. But I use it anyways

Example #2


This Photographer is a horses ass. I fell on the floor laughing when I saw this
picture. "wham bam, thank you ma'am" on her honeymoon night she's
being shown the door out into the night, no suitcase, no coat, no purse, no taxi,
nothing. bupkiss.  This photographer should be sued, it's like a curse on the
wedding, and the gown looks very expensive, and I'm guessing the guy is very
rich, but honey, money isn't everything -they're photographing you with a veil
over your face.

Now I know I'll never be a fashion model, and my beauty may be difficult to
photograph, but trust me, if you try to photograph me on my wedding night in a
doorway all alone, at night, with a veil over my pretty face, I'll take that tripod
of yours and shove it you know where.  Believe me, I'd do it.  It's called
acting like a Lady.

PS - I did turn a profit for Christmas, so I'm going to get to fill up the tank, go
to a couple movies, make a token cash payment to Rachels Haven (yeah!),
and maybe go out for breakfast a couple times - us pseudo-intellectuals
love nothing better then reading a book, eating pancakes, and drinking lots
and lots of coffee, even if it is just once or twice a month.

PPS- there's a blogger gadget I could add to this site to poll people who read
Transformative-Honeymoons a question (about any topic really). 
So you wouldn't have to leave a comment to participate, and that might
help "break the ice" , but I need to think up a question. Of course, if you
want to suggest a poll question, feel free. I'll probably post Tuesday or
Wednesday -I don't hve a clue about what.


Friday, December 24, 2010

Samantha gets a part in the Play




Merry Christmas from all the folks at Transformative Honeymoons
(that would be me, silly)
Samantha

PS -Another Follower, Welcome. Being a "girly" blog, I hadn't expected guys
as followers, but then, everybody likes humor in a generally tasteful vein.

PPS- If you really must switch the tags on your gifts with your sisters gifts, so
that you get all the pretty outfits, please exchange gifts of equal or greater value,
and be sure to get the receipts - I mean after all, she doesn't want your yucky
boy clothes any more than you do.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Skating Away on the Thin Ice of a New Day



I was hesitant about posting this picture, but lets be adults about this - if you get
the joke, a warning label isn't going to protect you.  If not, heres a hint:
she's looking for her contact lens.  It remains the policy of Transformative-
Honeymoons that pictures of genitalia are not appropriate for this blog,
but I've said it before, and I'll say it again, "I have nothing against naked guys",
really.

On the related issue of pictures that stay in your head, The Nutcracker is really,
really silly - the music is wonderful, the girls are so pretty, but the overall effect
is just too much - I started to laugh and had to turn it off - but I do have a bit
of the "swirly girly" images of ballerina's today dancing around in my head.
I'm recommending "Meet me in St Louis" for this years Christmas girly DVD.
I saw it again the other day and it was just wonderful.

Continuing the figure skating theme, I wanted to do a caption combining the
Jethro Tull lyrics to "Skating Away on the Thin Ice of a New Day" with
the picture of a figure skater - so yeh,  I will put a warning label on this one:

WARNING!!
THIS CAPTION CONTAINS NO HUMOR OR TV/TG THEMED MATERIAL




sometimes a warning label is needed

So I was driving around and I started hearing sqeeking noises from my truck, and by
this time I'm about ready to cry, because I can't afford anything else going wrong, but I'm
being practical so I'm trying to find out the source -which is difficult for me, because
I have a little hearing loss, so I can't always locate where sounds come from (interestingly
enough - that's one of my masculine traits on the Cogiatti type tests) But  I do figure
out it's coming from insde the cab, and I'm sitting their thinking what could it be and
finally pin point it - it was the stupid seatbelt retraction thingamajigy. when I moved
my shoulders back, the belt retracted, and sometimes it squeeked, sometimes it didn't,
but it was just the seatbelt retractor.A shot of WD-40 and problem solved.
Seriously Girls get a can of WD-40, keep it handy..
Wonderful stuff.


PS - when I read my own blog - I look for comments first, see if I have any new followers
to say hello to, then I check the stats for page views and links.  but "Hi all you page views"
sounds kind of impersonnel to me-so move to the top of the list, and leave a comment.

PPS- It's not just a good idea, it's the law.  Very Presidential

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

I'm glad we can officially call this Winter



So those are my two official entries in Rachel's Haven's December Caption Contest.
I just did "Jeremy Dreams of Santa" this morning, but judging by the responses,
the bottom one is a lot more popular.  I like them both actually, but I don't
think the top one is really "in the spirit" of the competition -I mean everybody else
is taking a picture and writing a caption for it, and I'm taking a picture and duplicating
it to a new layer and desaturating the top layer and blending it to second layer,
using the history brush on the flesh selection with some color adjustments and then
using a couple artitstic filters and a contrast adjustment.....(I mean I'm cheating so
bad I'm ready for NASCAR).
The second one I just cut out the image put it on my "PinkSilk" background
and added text -it's nothing anybody else couldn't do, so that's fair. 
Judging by the responses, the gown was kind of popular, and Santa kind of bombed,
so that's what I get for cheating.

Every year in the Twin Cities around Christmas, a Russian Ballet group comes to town
and performs the Nutcracker.  For some reason I couldn't go last year, and we all know
why I'm not going this year (I was out applying for part-time jobs yesterday and today,
and one looks promising).  But since I couldn't go, I bought a DVD of the Bolshoi Ballet
1978 performance, started to watch it, paused it, and never finished.  So I'm going to
go ahead and watch it tonight, and if it's any good I'll do a DVD review as the next
post after the Chistmas Eve post.  Bailley's and Ballet! It sounds like fun.

I do have my Christmas Eve Caption finished ahead of time - which will suprise anyone
who knows me, but you'll just have to wait.  Happy Solistice - I'm glad we can
officially call this Winter now, considering there's like two feet of snow out there.

PS -not only did the Vikes lose, but it was so cloudy I couldn't see the Lunar Eclipse either,
well let me get it out of my system: Boo Bears! Boo! Yuck!

PPS- I saw an ad today for some TV show where Angelina is disguised as a man,
I was at the health club, and they don't close caption the ads - so that's all I know

Sunday, December 19, 2010

The Princess of Punch


I actually did do some sparring in college, it was part of my "Oh! So Macho!"
phase.  I was pretty heavy into weightlifting and  I was actually quite strong.
I would have been a light-heavy, and the coach was training a guy for
Golden Gloves, and so I'd spar with him.  But because of all the conditioning
I was doing, Coach wouldn't let me near his pretty boy boxer until I'd been
on the bag for 15 to 20 minutes, by which time my knuckles were bloody,
and any pop I had in my punches was gone. It was all I could do to hold my
hands up while I got pummeled. It kind of sucked (in the bad way). It doesn't
hurt really, but it's not a lot of fun. However, it was really cool walking around
with black eyes all the time, especially since I hadn't actually hurt anyone. 

If I'd really thought it through (and obviously I hadn't), I would have realized
that I would have felt just terrible if I hurt the dear boy.

Can you imagine it, the Ref standing over the knocked out boxer
"One!....Two...."  and I'm rushing up going "Oh I'm so sorry,"
I mean really, would you want to watch that?

As I lose weight (almost 40 pounds now!) and gain conditioning, I'm kind of getting
some of this muscle back, and I'm trying to minimize it as much as possible.
but I can't help but thinking back to this and laugh, I mean "Oh, So Macho!"

Looking back on it, I probably should have cut my hair, because I had
long strawberry-blond hair hanging way over the shoulders - Very Macho!

I did the caption below for someone at Rachel's Haven, I'm doing a lot
fewer captions, but I'm spending a lot more time on the ones I do,
Quality not Quantity these days.  The story just came to me -so I only
spent about an hour on it (the boxing poster took about an hour too).



I plan on my next post on 12/24/10 wit a Christmas theme - 0% originality so far,
but that puts me in a corner - some times you just get pummelled in the corner,
but sometimes you come up with something good - we'll see.

PS -This blog is just over a month old, and there are a lot of first-time viewers.
By all means let me know what you think - with Jennifer out of the picture,
I'm getting zero feedback here. 

Saturday, December 18, 2010

There are Good Days too

So I was at the dog park, following the vote on my cell, which is really amazing when
you think about it.  Don't Ask Don't Tell is buried -way cool!
all I can say is  "Oh, Very Exciting!"
I got home and checked my mail and I got confirmation that I passed my test
(well of course I passed silly, but it's official)
I started the day with an earache in my good ear, which is always a concern because
as an ex-musician, I've lost a lot of hearing, but let's be honest -it's the middle of
winter in Minnesota, and Sammie's got a little cold - I just need something to
worry about or this dingbat brain of mine will melt down -I'm fine,
For some reason I decided to go to a Saturday jam (I haven't
picked up my axe (my musical instrument) in months, but I grabbed my amp
and mic, and went out and played and saw some old friends and had a really,
really good time. So it took a while - but yeh, I do miss playing now,
I've got to get out and play more - It's fun again.
I was on the elliptical at the health club for an hour - it felt good, but like I said
I've got a little cold (I am so being  like my mother right now-oh I'll live dear.....)
I'm just as broke as I was yesterday, but I've been walking around with
a smile all day -some days are just good days.
So I had to post the Transformative Honeymoons Repeal of Don't Ask Don't Tell,
and I'm going to pour myself a Bailey's on ice, pop "Meet me in St Louis"
in the DVD, and brush my dog while I watch a movie.
"Good Night John Boy!"

PS - Fictionmania is a very cool site, thanks for listing Trans-Honey

PPS - you know I can still remember back in the day when you could make
a caption like the one below, those days are over.

Friday, December 17, 2010

A Hat Trick!




Anyways, I've posted the bottom two images on this blog previously, but the top image
is about ten minutes old.  I thought I'd group them together and try to explain what
this fascination with figure skating transvestites is all about.

It goes back to High School, when I was an extremely good defenseman.  Now,
I now you're having a hard time picturing this, but it's true - I was out there playing
first or second string defense on all-star teams, I had a wicked slapshot from the
blue line, a very accurate backhand, and I was really good at checking boys right
on their butts.  But I wasn't really good enough to get a college scholarship,
and I didn't have any interest in pursuing this past high school. But my father sure did.
So yeh, in his infinite wisdom, he decided that I needed to take figure skating lessons
to become a better hockey player.  In his defense, his heart is in the right place,
and it is not as totally daft as it might sound at first - figure skaters are technically
much better skaters than hockey players, there is a lot of edge control that tranfers
over, the coach he picked and his wife were renowned in figure skating - it did make
me a much better skater. But  picture this from my perspective -I'm in this class and
I'm dressed in stinky smelly hockey pants (after a month or so when I started doing
jumps and spins I got to just wear jeans and a hockey jersey) I skate out there
with my ugly back figure skates with the little points on the toes, which I stumble
over all the time until I get used to them, OK, now picture the other girls in their
cute little figure skating outfits with the danskins pantyhose, the cute lttle jackets
and mittens, and OK you get the picture - this is pure torture - I mean waterboard
me all ready - and my father could not for the life of him figure out why I hated these
lessons so much - I wanted my own cute little figure skating outfit!!  I actually did
get to the pont where I was doing some double jumps, and performed in a comedy
act in an amateur performance, so it's something to be proud of , but at the time,
you have no idea what it was like.  So that's the inspiration for the poster.


The caption is based on a comment Playin Petra made about a Gordie Howe
hat trick being a Goal, an Assist, and a Fight, so an Ice Girl hat trick must be a hug,
a kiss, and  trip to the locker room with a guy after the game. I couldn't resist
using the ice girl "hat trick" reference in a caption. A real hat trick is of
course three goals in a game, I've done that, but not too often.

On an unrelated matter, I was at the Walmart yesterday, and I picked up a copy of
"My Fair Lady".  The Cashier asked me if I needed a gift receipt and I, of course
said no, so she smiled and winked at me - so heads up, if you buy a copy of
"My Fair Lady" and don't ask for a gift receipt the cashier may think you're Gay.
I'm going to watch it as soon as I post this.

I've got my tuition paid off for next Semester! It's going to be tough, but I'm not
going in debt this time around -and never again - I can flip off Visa and the
Depatment of Education with pride.

PS -Thanks World of TG for including me in your list.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Samantha Smarty Pants



So I got done with my last test today -I did really good, like 4.0
straight A's really good. Go ahead and make fun of Samantha
smarty pants, I don't care. I'm really happy.  I had to drive to
St Paul for this test, and they mail the results, but it's a state test
that is pass/fail, and of course being Samantha smarty pants,
I'm trying to get 100%. I could have not even bothered to answer
the last 10 questions and still passed. But then they would have
thought I was just some dumb boy (yuck!). 
[you boys know I'm kidding, guys are very non-yucky]. 

So I'm done with classes until next semester starts.
The folks here at Trans-Honey are congratulating me by saying:
"Smart and Sexy, now there's a dangerous combination" , so true.

I was up last night worrying about this test, and of course I had to
poke around the Internet at 3 in morning, and take the dog out,
and try to get some more studying in, and worry, but I'm done with test
jitters for a while - I have no reason why I worry before a test, but
it happens.

I hadn't planned on posting today - I wanted to make a special caption
for my preferences section at Rachel's Haven, but my last post was
such an absolute disaster for traffic, that I figured I better paper it
over before I lose anyone still left.  I'm sorry - I'm new at this.
I thought the posters were kind of cool (oops!)

The "caption" I'm posting today is of course referencing the
Fats Waller song lyrics:
Aint misbehavin, I'm saving all my love for you,
but I'm playing on it like it's a beauty pageant award
"miss behaving" which would be someone being too good.
It's main function in the folder is to look really cool -I think
it succeeds.

If you join Rachel's Haven, after you've jumped through some
hoops, you get a trading folder, and then you can trade captions
with other people there - which is fun -that of course is were I got
introduced to Jennifer (more later) and going back to October 25,
2010 (it seems like yesterday) would be the date I joined, which
is really the day Samantha1 was born - so this creature that I am
has really not been around very long and I'm going to make mistakes.

So that other people know what kind of captions you like in your
trading Folder,  you list your preferences for captions -I've changed
mine about 8 times now, but that is a cool picture (I did it this afternoon
in about 40 minutes). So it'll be posted at Rachel's Haven -stop by and
say hi!

Oh I almost forgot -I added my profile to this site while I was up
worrying about the silly test.

I'm planning on what I'm hoping is a super-sexy caption for Jennifer,
but I really want to keep that warning screen off my blog -so I'm
going to post that one at Rachel's Haven -it'll be a little to risque
for this site, but if you are a member you can see it for yourself.

PS - Vikes? never heard of them (We are so bad right now it hurts
to watch)

Sunday, December 12, 2010

No Vikes! Special Poster Edition

No Vikes!
If you read my last post, there really was a Blizzard here,
and I guess the Vikes aren't playing today.
the Metrodome inflatable roof is down.

Well hopefully that means some of you boys have some
free time on your hands, let's see, hmmmm, I know how
about a special poster edition so here's goes
a collection of  15 Transformative Honeymoons Posters
(there are way too many to post all of them here)
















and a special bonus "offer"
I really liked this next poster,

Anyways, normally I'd be saying Go Vikes! here on Sunday, 
at this time, but today it's No Vikes!

I've really got to study for a really important test on Tuesday,
so next week sometime, OK?

PS- check out my sunglasses!

Saturday, December 11, 2010

How to Survive A Blizzard

How to Survive a Blizzard,
by Samantha1

So last night and going into sometime this weekend, up here in Minnesota,
we’re being hit with a major blizzard,  and I thought, as a
PSA (Public Service Announcement) I’d give some an actual description of
How to Survive a Blizzard, in case you ever find yourself in similar
circumstances.

So of course, the first step is to dress really warm –I’m talking long johns,
jeans, two pairs of sox, hiking  boots, a shirt, a light down windbreaker,
the Pillsbury Doughboy snowpants (it’s like an insulated one-piece overalls
you wear over your pants and coat –and yes you look really, really fat in it,
but so does everybody else), then a winter coat you wear over this, a good
warm hat, warm gloves, and of course sunglasses (I’ll talk more about
sunglasses later). 
You are now ready to venture outside. 
Take a walk  around the house.  Make sure no tree is about to crash through
the roof or anything. Everything is Cool? Good, now you have to shovel or
snow blow the driveway.  Either way you are going to get very wet from the
snow, you are going to work up a sweat from the physical effort, and the
wind and cold and wetness can cause frostbite –but you are dressed for it –
take your time, look around, it really is kind of pretty.  Watch your stupid dog
frolic in the snow because she’s too dumb to realize she’s in a blizzard. 
Remember you are not going anywhere until they plow the streets, and driving
anywhere right now is a very high risk activity.  So I 'll say it again,  take your
time. Nice and steady.  In an hour or so you’ve got the driveway open – you
can get out if you have to but don’t, take a walk instead.
Get your stupid dog (who still hasn’t figure out a Blizzard is serious business)
and take a walk around.  There will be some guys out blowing their driveways.
Smile, wave, say Hi, say the dumbest thing you can come up with like:

“Boy, it sure did snow a lot!”

it’s OK, you’re walking your dog in a freaking blizzard ,
They know you’re not Albert Einstein. 

Walk a couple blocks to the local convenience store. Get a saugage and
cheese croissant (yeh the dog is going to get more of it than I will) get a
hot chai tea latte (mmm, not real Chai Tea (MMM!!!) but still mmm) look
at the sunglasses, try out a couple pairs.  Pick something nice, check that
it doesn’t say “tres-girly” or something that would make it too embarrassing
to wear, but no, these are just nice, they flatter my face.  So go pay for it. 
Talk to the Cashier about the snow.  She’s not rushed today, no ones around,
so she talks about the sunglasses.  She thinks they look nice too. You talk
about how you are always breaking yours, she talks about a really nice pair
she got from her mom and then lost (sigh)-she seems like a really nice person,
but it’s back to the blizzard for me, and I feed my puppy my croissant, sip
from the snow covered lid of my warm Chai Tea (mmm, OK, under the
circumstances MMM!!!) pick up my dog’s poop in a plastic bag and stick it in 
my coat pocket. I Smile and wave to a guy on the way back, wearing my
new $12.99 (but not cheap) sunglasses (oh, very nice!)
and walk back home, where I am going to hole up in my room
for a good long spell.

And that is how to survive a blizzard, it’s really not as bad as it may sound.

PS -I just wrote this this morning, and I'm kind of proud of it - sorry there's
no captions, but next time, I make up for that.