Friday, January 14, 2011

Final Edition - Hail and Farewell

Well how about one more song from my last play - I wrote it, and hired someone
to record it. I thought it came out pretty good

This is the Final Edition of Transformative Honeymoons.
The lack of comments has been a disappointment, and
I've moved on to a new course of action that does not leave
me with time for this blog. 

But, it was fun for awhile, and I prize the on-line connection
I made with Jennifer who runs Jennifers TG Caps of Defiance:
She is actually a very nice person, and her comments were
always fun and supportive.  She also has the unique honor of
being the only person to comment on my work.  There were
38,278 page views to this blog, and exactly one person was
there to offer me encouragement in her comments.  So
Jennifer is like 1 in 38,278, like winning the lottery.
Thank you.

So here's my top (5) favorite caps from this site:

This is my favorite caption -
I'm starting a blog about plays and the circus:
but I'll warn you, it is not a trans site

This cap was a trade in Rachels Haven to Jennifer

I just love the boots

I've lost 35 pounds officially, there's a way to go
 Based of traffic, the top five posts were:

Wedding Pictures

Androgenous is Cool Too          (which I misspelled)

A Cabin North of Duluth

A Girl Could Get Hurt This Way

A Rare Behind the Scenes Look at Transformative Honeymoons

My own personal favorite top 5 are different, Here's my list:

#1 - How to Survive a Blizzard

#2 - A Little Thing, Like a Kiss

#3 - The Princess of Punch

#4 - Bailley's on Ice

#5 - A Hat Trick!

The site had over 1000 page views on 9 days, with a peak one day of 1,806.
typically it averaged around 600-800 per day, but when I tried to switch to
once per week, traffic collapsed, so yeh, you, me, we're all tired of this blog.

I'm going to leave you then with a poem by Robert Lax.from Circus Days
and Nights, pg 105

Then we talked about talking.
It was good, Mogador said,
to talk thus
"Whatever is withheld is lost.
Whatever we give away,
whatever we throw away,
what we disburden ourselves of
is profit to us.
We keep giving things away,
throwing them out
like old chairs out of a house;
keep destroying
we can destroy
no more."

"Because what is left
is indestructable"
I said

PS- typically a caption takes me an hour or two, and posters take me
two or three hours. If you really were looking for a "clean" caption or some artwork
by Samantha1, I could do it at a pretty reasonable rate, say $20/hr and I'd be
very sympathetic to LGBT themes.  Send an email to
same thing if you have an interest in my last or my next play which I'll develop
on my new blog:  This will not be a trans blog,
it's a blog about playwriting and Circus stuff with occasional trans stuff
thrown in.

PPS - Adios Amigos!

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Special Musical Edition

thanks Rachel

Transformative Honeymoons new MTF/FTM Language Converter - Beta Version
female word:   OOPS!                  male word:  D'OH!
Note: sometimes this Beta version doesn't allow you to enter new words (OOPS!)

So this is the Special Musical Edition - be sure to scroll down to the link for the
song "Becky on the Road"

1.)Rachel of Rachels Haven did the top cap -and it is really nice, so it gets top billing,
'cuz it's way cool

2.) I did the Second on for Jennifer (Jennifer's TG Caps of Defiance)  so you might have
all ready seen it, if not, it may make more sense if you view the cap Jennifer did for
Trisha (Dec 31st) [I wanted my copy autographed, so that's been added]

3., 4, and 5) Are just general silliness, the girl I did the drag race cap for said she liked it,
so that's nice

6.) and this one I redid, just because I think this badge is really fun

Stacy Wilderness will be on Vacation this week - there's just not enough space - sorry

So like I've said several times in this Blog, I have written two full length musicals, and am
considering writing a full length play (not  a musical this time) about Herbert Beeson
a famous High Wire Artist who performed "En Femme".  Here is a poster of
Mr. Beeson, who performed as Berta Beeson, a Center Ring Star:
(refer to the November post Herbert Beeson, the story, the play for more information
about Herbert Beeson)

                    "Life is on the wire,
                                                           the rest is just waiting"  

                                                  Karl Wallenda (the Flying Wallendas)

It was several years ago, but I have performed in amateur circuses in front of crowds of
approx 1000 people - which is a thrill.  I have studied tight wire and a variety
of other circus arts, and consider myself "Circus",

OK, so obviously we're going to have to modernize Bertas' outfit. That will be my next
weeks post if I get that far (I know, I know so I'm writing a play, what's the first priority:
 "oh that dress honey", it's like I'm the stereotype, but seriously the dress is important to
a writer, because it effects how I picture the artist)

My last play was about my experiences as a failing Blues musician, and some of those
frustrations as I realized that Music will not be my life.  Music, and especially the Blues
have always been the one ray of hope, I mean I was stuck being a man, and I'd sort of
made peace with that, and I could find a job, but I was stuck in these total dead-end jobs,
and I'm just not very aggressive or outgoing,  but I took it as far as I could.

I was in a couple bands, and on a couple recordings, and played bars and stuff like that.
I gave it a shot, but it's over, and I really felt I needed to write about it - not 100%
acccurate, but accurate to some of the feelings of the Blues, and the feeling of being a
struggling musician.   I needed to document this part of me. That is what my last play is
 really about.

I actually made enough money from a Fellowship, for the first Musical, that I was able to
experience the thrill of living as a playwright full-time for several months. Which was fun.
When I wrote my Second Musical, I formed a business (an LLC technically) to promote it. 
I also entered in the Fringe Festival Lottery (wrong ping-pong ball), hired a talented
musician to record a few of the songs, purchased the software I thought I'd need ( including
Photoshop). I was pretty serious about this. 

I have sent out enough scripts to know there is not  interest in this play.
So, it's time to move on (sigh). Friday, I went to the bank and closed my business
account, and found out I had an extra $100.00 I didn't know about. I bought some guy
clothes that fit, and put $20.00 of gas in the truck with the money, and yeh - I'm sitting
pretty, at least until tommorow.

The musician I hired is a really talented and a very sweet, straight guy, who would not
know about any of this weird stuff I'm into.  He's just some musician I hired. He was
paid for his work, I own the copyrights to the play and the songs - but the performer
on this track is not me.

Let's hear the song all ready

                                                      here's the artwork I did for this song:

The song starts of with a brief spoken introduction. This is the start of the play.
A Blues Musician is performing in a coffee shop, so he is singing this song
to introduce himself to the audience.  I think Becky is actually how I picture
my life if I'd been a woman (still fucked up, but in a more understandable way)

There are two versions of the play, a full length version, and a one-hour excerpt
(which would be easier (less costly) to produce).  In the full play this song
comes right after the intermission and serves to recap what happened in the
first and second act.  In the one hour play, this song serves to introduce
the audience to the main character, and this is the very start
of the play - he is playing his music in a coffee shop. Becky doesn't appear in the
one-hour play, but has an important role in the full play (that is one of the
weakness of the one hour play so I learned: man + woman=audience interest
no man+woman dynamic =no interest, well duh, Samantha).

Hope you enjoy this.

Bert Blyleven, Hall of Fame! As if there was any doubt - very cool.

As a refugee from the totalitarian regime of Chicago, and proud emigree to America,
it is unfortunate that the son of the Pharoah, the brother of the Pharoah, should gain
the ear of our leader.  As one who has fled Egypt for the land of milk and honey that
is America, I can only pray that this Pharoah son is not another Pharoah,  that this
Daley is not another Daley.    Very Scary.


I've been doing some thinking lately about what is embarrassing, and I've reached some
conclusions.  In my last several jobs, I let my employers push me around, and ignore me
and my needs as a human being ( a person -someone who wants and needs to interact
with other people as a person).  Conclusion #1 -That was profoundly embarrassing,
and I can't let that happen again to that extent. Embarassing?  That was embarassing.

I really do think about being a woman, or becoming a woman or passing as a woman
a lot, and would like to make some significant effort to see how far I could take that,
without causing any harm or irreverisible damage to myself - surgergy means a nose
job or electrolyis - drugs means a glass of Bailey's or a Guiness, a pretty dress
means a pretty dress.  I love pretty dresses and want to talk to a Gender Therapist
about this.  Is that embarrassing, yes, but conclusion #2 - a GT is a good idea, and
I need to get over this embarassment and make the call. Today I made that contact.

Is it embarrassing that I want to be healthy and attractive, and want someone to be
interested in me, and that I have sexual and emotional desires, and that I want to please
someone, or make them laugh, or enjoy my company?  Honestly, a little, but I'm playing
the cards God dealt me. The main reason I'm not out is because I'm not comfortable
with my weight (I've lost 40 pounds now).  I'm through being a person impersonator
(like Michelle Bachman or similar oddities).  If someone finds out this about me, they
should support me, and it will be awkward for them. I'm cool with that. I understand.
If someone is on my side, that is important. That is what life is about - real people,
including myself, trying to make genuine connections, being as honest as possible,
and making mistakes, and that's conclusion #3. I'm probably facing some
embarassing and ultimately unavoidable things, that I'm just going to have to accept.

PS- Somebody Googled "Duluth Honeymoons" and got directed to this site - once I've
finished laughing, I will change the description at the end of future Stacy Wilderness reports,
to avoid the Duluth reference, as much as possible.  I'm sorry, but it is very funny.

PPS - It looks like I may have found a part-time job.  Which is cool, it keeps the wolves
away from the door -  the wolves that are after what's in my purse, not the
wolves that are after.... well you know what you guys are after

Next post -next Sunday, let me get settled in to my new schedule with classes and the
part-time job

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Androgenous is Cool too

I posted the 3 caps for Pink Panther back when my traffic was  a couple views a week,
so I wanted to let more people look at it - I think it is fun.

Round 1
Day 13 of the Honeymoon, continued, part 4
By field reporter Stacy Wilderness

So Sam’s all calmed down, we talked, everything’s cool, I’ve
got to mind my p’ and q’s, but I’m still on the job. Call me later, girl, we’ll talk

Meanwhile, day 13, and where was I?  Oh yes, I remember…

So we kiss, very nice. Very brief, but nice, I still feel
how his lips pressed against mine, feel his firm grip on my
shoulder, to steady me? No, this little peck won’t cause me swoon, silly boy. But nice, I feel warm, I open my eyes and
look into those large blue eyes of his, so earnest, So caring,
so vulnerable.  I can’t match his gaze, so open, he doesn’t understand.  I drop my gaze, then look up again into his
eyes, like a childs’, staring at a comet, I am like a
surgeon behind the mask, or a writer in a cafĂ©, or a poet. 
I look into his eyes, and blush, He is in love, his love pure, unbounded. I see that, I know that, I understand, but he loves me, and I am a woman. He does not know why I blush, he does
not understand.
I remember the glasses. Two glasses of Bailey’s, one in each hand. I raise the right for my husband to take from my hand.
Of course I serve him.  A Lady serves her husband. She lets
him  drink,she watches, she waits.  and so I raise his glass,
And coyly smile when he takes his drink. His hand brushes
Mine when he takes the glass. Deliberate? Accidental? I’m not sure.Interesting, is he playing games?  I wonder this and
watch him raise the glass to his lips and take a sip of Bailey’s.  He smiles, and sets it down on the table beside
him. Surprisingly, He then reaches for my glass too. He’s
caught me off guard.  I hadn’t expected that. It’s my glass,
I was looking forward to drinking it. 

Ah! I see know, preparation, he’s laying the groundwork,
making plans, playing Games. He plans to kiss me! Well of
course, dear boy, but let’s not make this too easy. His
hand reaches toward my glass. I turn away objecting,
“no! mine”.  His hand wraps over my wrist and pulls
my arm to him, I resist, but lightly (to not spill my
drink, of course), I let him overpower me, let him reach
over with his free hand and take my glass.  He releases
me brusquely,  from his grip,and sets my glass beside his.
I stand there looking mad, oh, I am having fun, in my
pretty little skirt and blouse, all pouty, my face all
flushed, tingling, waiting. This time, I do not have long
to wait. This time he is in control. Dan reaches his arm
behind the small of my back and pulls me to him.  I am
pressed up against him, feeling the strength
of his grasp, feeling the stirrings of his manhood against
my hips, the compression of my breasts against his chest. 
Our lips meet.  A hand reaches under my hair and presses
my skull to him.  I struggle in this grasp, but briefly
and soon yield completely. I can feel his pulse, the
warmth of his flesh, his sweat. I know he feels my pulse
too, it is much quicker than his, I am much warmer, I moan,
I didn’t mean to, it slipped out, this is how I like it,
Dan knows that. Again I moan, and gasp “Dan!” Some Angel.
We kiss, I run my hands through his hair, trace his broad shoulders, and gasp.  His tongue enters me, and I accept it,
let my lips conform to it, let my tongue meet his,
probing it, teasing it, gasping, he pulls me tighter, I try
to match his strength, pull myself into him, harder, and he releases me. and I stand there unsteady, frazzled, my skirt
and blouse all askew, I run my hands down my hips to smooth
the wrinkles, it is hopeless.  Dan stands there, chuckling,
he picks up his glass of Bailey’s and takes a sip. 
Deliberately, he then hands the glass to me.  I accept it
and take a sip.  Tonight, Round One Goes to Dan.

As a Special Feature, Transformative-Honeymoons recently hired
field reporter Stacy Wilderness to provide live action reporting
of her honeymoon, which took place Wednesday, December 15th, at
the Coppertop Church  (First United Methodist) overlooking
the lake in Duluth, MN.

So  I'm making some progress I think. This will sound completely silly, but I've decided
there is absolutely no reason for me not to sleep in a panties and  bra, if I want to,
so, that's what I've been doing, and I don't know, it's kind of nice actually.
I suppose someone could find out, but it's really hard to take that too seriously,
It's high on the list of so what, as I see it.

As I've been working of a girly voice, and just by trying different voices, I've realized
that I've been pulling down my natural voice by at least a half step, maybe a whole
step to sound more "manly".  Which causes a strain on my voice.
So I'm raising the pitch of my natural voice, to remove some strain on my
vocal cords, and allowing my voice to project better.  The result is a voice
that is more androgenous, which I am really comfortable with, it's more natural.

I also found a link on the Trannsgender Daze site for a male vs female
walking simulator (be sure to click the "lines" radio button)
and again, I practiced the girly walk a bit, but what was really striking was the
androgenous 50/50 walk.  Again it seems like a good all purpose
comfortable walk, So I've been adopting that, and it's something you do
in public, I mean what the hell it's how people walk.
So that's my latest  kick- studying androgeny, and practicing androgenous
walking and talking in public and having absolutely no embarassment doing
this, it's like completely normal and acceptable, as I see it.

So, I'll planning in my next post to start including a playwriting section,
that will include plays and music I've written or am working on.  I think
every play I write has a significant gender issue, so it is not really off subject
to a website about Transformation, as I see it.  There will still be captions
at the top of the blog, followed by a Stacy Wilderness report, then a brief
update of how I'm doing, then an exerpt from a play, with a you-tube link
to include a recording, if there is a song involved (I write plays and musicals).
Skip it if your not into it, but I'd hope you'll see this as significantly
improving my blog -that's how I see it

This will be additional, but because it will take more time, I will be

posting on a once per week basis (Sundays only). 

PS -well the Vikes season is over, that's about all you can say about that.

PPS-the play I'll be posting has some professional recordings, that I paid
my own money for, and I really put a lot of work into this.  It's interesting.