Wednesday, June 22, 2011


other than the top one, these are all caps made for me by
other girls at Rachels Haven.
If you do like captions, you should give it a try - I was there for
several months as Samantha1 and later as Stacy Wilderness,
and if you haven't figured out by now, I'm not 100% normal
and I don't have a lot of patience sometimes (because this
situation is really effing frustrating!!!) so some of the problems
I had there were self-inflicted , and I dropped out.

but that doesn't mean you wouldn't have a good time, and the quality
of the work can be staggering and imaginative, and it's personalized
to you!
It can really make your day to see a new caption in your folder.

I 'd say give it a shot, it can be a lot of fun if you
like this blog for it's captions, here's the link:

it sounds silly but I do treasure these cap's
in part because they were made by other girls,
and reflect their view of who I am, which can
be instructive.  I'll probably give it another shot

I've all ready mentioned the D+X Institute site, which
is a lot of fun and I am active over there
and  having a lot of fun there.
If you enjoy writing from a woman's
perspective with out having to hear about
how you can't understand the female perspective
because you're not a woman or similar stupid
arguments this is a good place to be.

Good writing is about how people
feel and the difference between male and female
in a lot of well written stories is:     (s)he and talking
about how you feel and what you are wearing at
that particular moment.

Anyways Take Care


Links to Samantha's full length Plays (which are not Transgender Themed,
but are pretty good (I think so at least) can be found here:

My first play "The Acts of Cain" which as I've said was never
produced, but I earned $7000 from it:

My second play "Catfish Bones - A Love Song to the Blues"
along with some digital recordings:

And my efforts at a third play have stalled,
but it would be about Herbert "Berta" Beeson
a cross dressing tightwire performer with
Ringling Brothers and Sells-Floto who was a
headline act performing as a woman. This is
based on a true story, but like everyone else,
I will take dramatic liberties.
this is an odd mix of some ideas, some written
sketches and some historical information:

and it is possible to buy Samantha's artwork:

Monday, June 20, 2011

I'm really good a driving people away from this site.
Anyways, I added the last two to the post late Sunday,
but since practically nobody read it I don't feel too
guilty reposting it.  I really like the abstract image.

Honestly, I'm having more fun at the D+X Institute
with the role play than I am with the blog, and nobody
seems terribly interested in my abstract/artistic stuff
(except for me of course) so I'm going to go to a once
a week post, at least until something interesting happens,
which with the way my life is, may be a long time.
So see you next Monday - I'll talk about how
the Pride event went then, I'm sure.

Take Care,


Links to Samantha's full length Plays (which are not Transgender Themed,
but are pretty good (I think so at least) can be found here:

My first play "The Acts of Cain" which as I've said was never
produced, but I earned $7000 from it:

My second play "Catfish Bones - A Love Song to the Blues"
along with some digital recordings:

And my efforts at a third play have stalled,
but it would be about Herbert "Berta" Beeson
a cross dressing tightwire performer with
Ringling Brothers and Sells-Floto who was a
headline act performing as a woman. This is
based on a true story, but like everyone else,
I will take dramatic liberties.
this is an odd mix of some ideas, some written
sketches and some historical information:

and it is possible to buy Samantha's artwork:

Saturday, June 18, 2011

This is my latest makeover over at, and actually I'm really
happy with this. I mean sure everyone else is making all this wonderful
progress on their transitions and the 18 year girls are beautiful, and lovely
and couldn't imagine what it's like to be in an effing closet for 30 years.
Whatever, of course I'm totally envious.

Yep, I'm totally stuck in my latest rut, and making no progress, and like
I say, I suck at being Gay, but a year ago I was 270# and stuck in that rut
of a dead end job which I finally just had to pull the plug on, and as totally
effed up as everything is now, I lost 50#, I'm healthy, I'm relatively sane
( ignore my ex gender therapist), and when I do find a job (which I will)
I can start buying some dresses and make-up and all that silly shit and go to
my monthly cross-dressers club (I couldn't make that up - I joined one) ,
and if I look like this, that would be OK.  Sure, you're looking at me
going "yuck", I'm ugly, I'm old, I'm fat, I'm poor, I'm lonely, I'm weird,
So What? I'm just playing the cards I've been dealt,
and I think this looks OK. Fuck it.

The Second image was an exercise to make a work in Bridget Riley's style,
but I started playing around and this is really cool looking, then a messed up
Cezanne exercise, then a Gainsborough exercise with my head pasted on,
I really suck at following directions too.

anyways, a couple reruns:

Take Care,


Links to Samantha's full length Plays (which are not Transgender Themed,
but are pretty good (I think so at least) can be found here:

My first play "The Acts of Cain" which as I've said was never
produced, but I earned $7000 from it:

My second play "Catfish Bones - A Love Song to the Blues"
along with some digital recordings:

And my efforts at a third play have stalled,
but it would be about Herbert "Berta" Beeson
a cross dressing tightwire performer with
Ringling Brothers and Sells-Floto who was a
headline act performing as a woman. This is
based on a true story, but like everyone else,
I will take dramatic liberties.
this is an odd mix of some ideas, some written
sketches and some historical information:
That's my Avatar for the D+X Institute site, which is a very fun role play
site.  It's a hand sketch that I Photoshopped, and I kind of like these,
but they do take a lot of time.  I call it "Joy - Holding Hands"
for obvious reasons. I think it makes a good avatar, and it's unique.

Here's the full Stacy Wilderness Arrival story at the D+X Institute
It's a Role play site for guys who want to play at being women,
so yo can guess why I was interested:

I was suprised how sophisticated the "play" is, and it doesn't have to
be sexual - my transition is pretty PG, but there's a slightly naughty part - just
like any other novel you're going to pick up really - its PG13,
of course I'm following the thread of another girl there that is all ready
R and will be going to X very soon, so it's up to you where you take it.
Me, PG-13, maybe shading into R, that'll be fine.
Here's my Arrival story:
Well, I might be from Michigan
« on: May 15, 2011»

I got this address from a lady, and it sounded like something I'd be
interested in, maybe, well actually a lot, but I'm not really like..., well
like that - I'm just your average guy. Anyways, like I said, "it took me
four days to hitchhike from Saginaw", I just wear this Minnesota Twins
cap to keep the sun out of my eyes, really.
« Reply #1 on: May 15, 2011 »

Passing through the main lobby on my way back from a meeting, I find
someone who looks, well, out of place, and whose conversation is, well,
out of the ordinary. Walking over, I say, Yes, but have you come to look
for America? Toss me a cigarette; I think there's one in my raincoat.
Welcome to the Institute! My name is Barbara Collins, and I'm one of the
executive directors of the Institute. How can I make your day better?
« Reply #2 on: May 15, 2011 »

Well, of course I came to look for America, but really I'm hoping to find
myself -that's the whole point of the journey, isn't it?
Odd that I'd be asking you about finding myself -maybe I'm being too
abstract. I think I want to start the finishing school.
« Reply #3 on: May 16, 2011 »

<OOC> Sorry; your opening about Saginaw is a line from a song by
Simon and Garfunkel; I was just responding with some additional lyrics
from the same song. Won't happen again. </OOC>
{OOC means out of charachter -she's conveying information outside of
the story plot -she's picked up on the song reference, which is pretty cool,
I know that so I've moved on, she's misunderstood - I should
have acknowledge her -I'm new at this, anyways back to the story:}

Let's go to my office, shall we? We'll be more comfortable there; and we
can discuss your journey at some leisure, as opposed to standing here in
the lobby, trying to get things sorted out. If you'll follow me, please?
I take a tentative step down the corridor, waiting to see if you will follow.
« Reply #4 on: May 16, 2011»
<OOC> it's a wonderful song -"she said the man in gaberdine suit is a spy,
I said be careful, his bow tie is really a camera" - I am like a virgin at role
play. but then I'm here to learn, arent I? </OOC>

Yeh, I do feel a little awkward right now, A lobby isn't the place to talk
about stuff like this, is it?

I glance at the door and think of fleeing, but I am mesmerized by the seductive
Ms. Collins' enticement to follow - "What choice do I have?" I think, and
taking one last backward glance at the door, I turn and follow.
« Reply #7 on: May 17, 2011 »

We walk past the elevators and down a corridor, until we come to a security
checkpoint, where the guard remotely unlocks the door for us to enter.
We see a large central area where the secretarial pool is found, a warren
of desks and cubicles. Half walls with plants atop them separate that space
from the corridors around its perimeter, with walls and doors of richly stained
and highly polished hardwoods and engraved brass plaques, denoting the
offices of the executives. My office is in the corner on the far right, and as
we approach the plaque can be seen:

No. 6
Ms. Barbara Collins

We go through the door into the outer office, and I say, Hold my calls, please,
Beatrix; and clear my appointments calendar for the next few hours. I open the
door to my inner office and say, Please have a seat at the desk. May I offer
you something to drink? Coffee, perhaps, or tea? Or would you care for
something a bit more potent?
« Reply #6 on: May 16, 2011 »
I look around, and am impressed. A corner office is very prestigous, and it is
immaculate -the cleaning crew must do this office every night. I look at the
brass wastebasket at the side of her desk, it is empty. It doesn't look like it
gets used much. The computer does not have a printer next to it.
I think to myself " How unusual. I always have a printer next to my computer,
but then I always have a wastebasket full of papers too, especially as the
deadline approaches. I bet Ms Collins doesn't have to worry about deadlines"
-it's hard to imagine not having deadlines, but then it's hard to imagine leaving
my job to come here. Actually coffee would be fine, but I'm curious what she'll
say if I ask for something frivolous. I say A chai tea would be lovely but as soon
as I say that, I blush.I'm worried, maybe that sounded too effeminate.
but coffee is fine I quickly add black, of course
« Reply #7 on: May 17, 2011 »

I lean forward and switch on the intercom. Bea, will you please go to the
Velvet Cup for us and bring back two chai tea orders for us? Get one for
yourself, if you'd like; have them bill it to me office. Just bring it in when
you get back. Thanks, dear!

Then I look at you and smile.
Our coffee is excellent, but it's not every day

I get an excuse to order chai. Thank you for the opportunity! Now, how
can I make your day better?
« Reply #8 on: May 18, 2011 »

mmm! it just slips out, I can't help it. The Velvet Cup is a very nice
place, or so I've been told. It's way out of my league. The thought of having
a chai tea from the Velvet Cup, well that's kind of exciting really, and when
Ms Collins smiles at me like that, well it's hard not to feel kind of good, and
she does seem genuine, but I have to be careful, it's a tricky question.
It shouldn't be, but it is. It's certainly not a question to take head-on. I've tried
that before - that doesn't work,
the anxiety just becomes overwhelming. I take a different tack this time.
I've been working on my female voice a bit since I left Minne gan, Michigan,

Saginaw Michigan, does that suprise you? Actually I've been working on it for
more than a couple days, but she doesn't need to know that.I mean that a guy
like me would want to learn something like that? I sit there, silently, and
nervously look at my nails. They are long, now that I've stopped chewing them
off, but not so long that anyone would notice, unless they were looking,
of course. I really could use that chai right now, or a glass of water.
« Reply #9 on: May 18, 2011 »

No, it doesn't strike me as being at all strange; although certainly in the world out
there - I gesture vaguely, pointing up and over and out from where I am sitting
- it would be perceived as strange, maybe even as sick, by many people.
That's unfortunate, to be sure; people can be so cruel at times. But we have a
different environment here. But let's go back to the beginning for just a moment.
You have me at a disadvantage. You know my name, but I don't know yours.
You are...?
« Reply #10 on: May 18, 2011»

Glenn I mumble, stop, compose myself. "Not again", I think, "there's
nothing to be ashamed of, not in here". I compose myself and somewhat
confidently say Well, right now, Glenn, but I'm thinking ultimately
Samantha, or Stacy, Stacy Wilderness, Wilderness because that's where it
feels like I'm from - from the wilderness, the dessert, the wasteland

I wonder if that sounds too corny, but that's where it came from,
from the Bible, from the Old Testament. Who in their right mind takes
their new name from the Bible? But in a weird way, it works,
Stacy Wilderness, at least it works for me. I wait, nervously.
my throat is dry. I cough, and wait, looking at my fingernails.
« Reply #11 on: May 19, 2011»

Stacy, let me be, well, blunt - and ask if what you are looking for is
to be transformed from a male to a female?
« Reply #12 on: May 19, 2011»

Well, yes, of course, I mean it is something I've always dreamed of
I look into her eyes, but nervously look down. I can feel how flush
my face is. I am sure my face is redder then my hair. My fingers shake,
I hear my heart pound in my ears, but I said it. Even in my girly voice,
it still sounds strange, but I've said it.
« Reply #13 on: May 19, 2011 »

Seeing your discomfort, I try to give you a reassuring smile, and I say,
Stacy, here we can make that dream come true for you. Let me get some
basic information from you, and a contract, and then we can get started.
Reaching into my desk, I take out a form, and slide it, with a pen, across
my desk for you to fill out:


Desired Appearance:
* height:
* weight:
* bust size:
* waist:
* hips:
* color and length of hair:
* color of eyes:
* Other (please describe in detail):

Desired Assignment (check one):
[ ] Catacombs Services
[ ] Finishing School
[ ] Health Care Services
[ ] Hospitality Services
[ ] Media Services
[ ] Office Services
[ ] Personal Services

« Reply #14 on: May 19, 2011 »
I start to make a dumb joke, but I stop myself - nothing I could say
would be appropriate. Instead I read the document, and re-read it
just to make sure. It's hard to believe, but it would be an amazing
thing, if it were true. Well, I'm going to find out. My hand still shakes,
but now from excitement. I write carefully in block print on the form
with a red pen:

Name:Stacy Wilderness

Desired Appearance:
* height:5' 10"
* weight:165
* bust size:44C
* waist:34
* hips:46
* color and length of hair:strawberry blond, medium
* color of eyes:green
* Other (please describe in detail):

Desired Assignment (check one):
[ ] Catacombs Services
[x ] Finishing School
[ ] Health Care Services
[ ] Hospitality Services
[ ] Media Services
[ ] Office Services
[ ] Personal Services

I put down the pen, and hand Ms. Collins the form.
I am still trembling with excitement, and smiling.

« Reply #15 on: May 19, 2011 »

When you hand me the form, I look it over. When I reach your
desired measurements, my eyebrows go up involuntarily, and I
say, with a note of surprise in my voice, Really? 44C? Isn't that
a bit extreme, especially to start? And your hips... Do you really
want them to be larger than your bust? I mean, we can do that;
but usually I prefer to build out with measurements that make
the hips about two inches smaller than the bust. But in the end
it's your choice, dear.

Now, how do you plan to pay for all this? I have to tell you that

were looking at a price of about six hundred thousand dollars for
this procedure. Can you afford that? Or are you going to need
one of our payment plans?
« Reply #16 on: May 19, 2011 »

<OOC> Well the starting point is a natural male with a 43B bust,
38 waist, 42 hips, weight: something over 165#, but go ahead and
change it something a little bit more delicate and idealized -that's cool -
I'll agree to whatever you suggest on this <\OOC>

Oh my! That's a lot of money. I wouldn't want to do anything illegal,
but I really want to do this. What sort of payment plans do you have?
« Reply #17 on: May 20, 2011, 07:56:32 AM »

Well, I can see how you might feel constrained by your current
physical conditions to making a selection that would match your
current frame. However, we have developed the technological ability
to restructure your body size, including the shortening of your bones.
It's a rather lengthy process - it takes twelve to fourteen hours to
complete, during which time you'll be sedated; and it will add about
a million dollars to the cost of your procedures. But we can work
with that, as I said. Our usual procedure is to have you sign a
contract for the work we'll do; and we can offer, as a rider to that
contract, an agreement by which you agree to allow us to arrange
for your employment, with the payments then being made to us by
the person or company who leases your services or purchases your
contract. While you're with us, we will provide the training you will
need for such a placement, including room and board and uniforms,
and a small stipend; and these benefits will continue as long as you
are here with us.

So: How does that sound to you?
« Reply #18 on: May 20, 2011»

Oh my! I can remember when I was just poor.
1.6 Million dollars, it's hard to imagine how I could ever repay that.
But oh! I would so Love to be petite!
I could really be one of the girls then, couldn't I?
Heavens, that a lot of money though.
Sigh... Of course, I'll do it.
Wow, bone shortening, that's amazing!
« Reply #19 on: May 20, 2011 »

Yes, it certainly is. I've been working with it for almost a year now;
and I've benefited from it myself; and it's still amazing to me,
what we can do. I reach into a drawer and remove a red portfolio,
which is a bit over an inch thick. After it is unbound, I remove the
top five sheets of paper and put them on a clipboard, with a pen
on top. I slide this across the desktop to you, saying, If you'll go
ahead and sign or initial that as needed - last time I counted, there
were twenty-four places needing one or the other - then we can
get started.
« Reply #20 on: May 20, 2011»

I pick up my pen and begin reading and initialling. It's mostly
boilerplate stuff, like what you'd see on any hospital admission form.
SW, SW, SW, SW, SW hmmm, I thought it was the Harry
Benjamin Standards of Care, well Harry, Larry, what's the
difference? SW, SW, Stacy Wilderness, SW, SW
these forms are giving me a headache,
I think I'll just scan this section, it looks like pretty standard waivers,
back when I was parachuting I'd sign these every day without
even bothering to glance at them,
but I'm smarter than that now SW, SW, SW, SW
Children? right - I'm getting a sex change, I don't have to worry
about children now, they haven't come that far with their technology
- I won't even bother to read that section, ha, ha children.
SW, SW, SW, SW, SW, SW, Stacy Wilderness
I've lost count how many is that, let's see 1, 2, ....21
Ah the employment section, well I'm still not sure what exactly I'm
supposed to do to earn this $1,600,000.00. I really better find out
before I sign these. Uh, Ms. Collins? Barbara, I do have a question
about the employment contract. I was wondering if you could be a
bit more specific about my job description? I bite my lip. and wait.
If it's obviously illegal, I walk away, but a lot of things aren't illegal,
that are, well a little questionable - we're talking serious money
here, I'll just have to live with questionable. I wait....

  • « Reply #21 on: May 20, 2011, 03:00:13 PM »

  • Frowning a bit at the question, I reply, Stacy, I can't really answer that question, because your job placement is going to depend on how your training progresses. Not everyone finishes in the department to which they were initially assigned. I know of some girls who started out training in Office Services who then transferred to Health Care Services, to name but one example. It happens all the time; as girls find their horizons widening, and new possibilities that they hadn't been aware of or imagined at the time they joined our community. I could tell you all about the benefits of becoming an executive secretary by training in our OS department - and some of them whom we've placed earn substantial salaries, six figured ones - but then you might decide halfway through that Hotel and Resort Management interested you more than that.

    Let's just say that the risk is ours. We accept the possibility that we may not recover every cost associated with your transformation; although I can say that in five years of operation, we have never failed to show a profit. It's up to us to help train you and then find you a top notch position, so that we both reap the benefits.

    Does that help?
    I lean forward and look at you expectantly.

    « Reply #22 on: May 20, 2011, 09:01:29 PM »

    Hmmm, this operation sounds like it's on the up and up.
    Certainly Ms Collins is a top notch executive. And that's
    what I'm looking to hear: train and develop your people,
    let them make money for you. Who knows, maybe I could
    wind up pretty, smart, and rich. Now there's a dangerous
    combination. I just hope I didn't blow it and get
    off on the wrong foot by asking that question.
    Well let's see what happens next
    Oh yes, that helps immensley

    SW, SW,
    Stacy Wilderness, 5/20/2011

    I put down the pen, and smile.

    « Reply #23 on: May 21, 2011, 01:04:27 PM »

    After looking over the document to make sure that all the blanks have been signed or initialed as necessary, I put the pages back into the portfolio, bind it up, and put it in my "Out" basket. I turn on the intercom and say, Priya, please contact Records, and have them send a courier. I have a contract for them to process. Thanks, dear. After switching it off, I stand say to you, If you'll follow me, please?

    I walk to a door in the rear of the suite.
    « Reply #24 on: May 21, 2011, 09:37:32 PM »

    Oh my! I always knew this day would come, but so quickly!
    and it's here! My mind races, I remember the elation, the
    anxiety, I know what's coming. This time, I'm prepared.
    Like Yogi Berra said, "It's Deja Vu all over again":
    I'm asking myself "what if I'm wrong?
    What if I make a mistake? What If I wind up trapped in the
    wrong body? What could be worse than making the wrong
    choice and living the rest of your life in the wrong body?
    I remember the last time, leaving the therapists' office,
    cancelling any further sessions and soon feeling the anxiety
    turn to hoplessness and desperation, waking up day after day
    trapped, always trapped in the wrong body. Yes, that would be
    terrible, making the wrong choice, being trapped in the
    wrong body. I've gotten a second chance. I'm a very
    lucky girl, I won't make that mistake again.
    I get up and follow Ms. Collins to the rear door.
    « Reply #25 on: May 21, 2011, 09:48:23 PM »
    The door at the back of the suite unlocks as my hand grasps the handle. It swings open into a gleaming white room, with white painted walls and ceiling, and white tile on the floor. In the center of the room is a control console attached to a chair reminiscent of one in a dentist's office. In one corner of the room is a screen, behind which is a bench and small closet, and a table with an assortment of hospital gowns. In the far wall is a door. Standing by the chair, with a pushcart piled high with equipment and supplies behind them, are my favorite team of technicians, wearing their white laboratory coats - identical twins and drop-dead gorgeous: Tohu and Bohu, waiting for us. I say, What I'd like you to do now is go over to the screen and disrobe; then come take a seat in the chair. If you're uncomfortable walking across the room naked, there are various sizes of hospital gowns there that you may wear until you're reclining in the chair.

    I walk into the operating room and look at the chair. It's hard not to,
    I mean this is where it all happens. Wow. Thanks,
    Barbara, I'll just be a minute
    I say, and smile.
    I'm not sure why I called her Barbara now, it just seems to make sense,
    as I look over my shoulder, and step behind the screen.
    Tohu and Bohu don't seem to really notice me, or they notice me in a
    detached way. They're busy in preparations. They have
    a checklist to work from, but it is obvious they have done this many times.
    They are very methodical.
    I take off my shirt, unbuckle my belt, untie my shoe laces and take off my shoes,
    and socks. I undo the pants button and unzip the fly, I let the pants fall to the floor.
    I pull off my briefs, and throw the in the pile too. Standing there naked, I am
    a little cold, so quickly, I look at the hospital gowns, and pick one my size, in a light
    blue (I am still a guy after all) . I put on the gown, and try to tie off the
    strings. It barely covers the front, and leaves my tush terribly exposed.
    Well that's OK, I've got a cute tush.
    I bend down and pick up the pile of clothes and dump them in a waste bin.
    "I don't need any souveneirs" I think to myself, and giggle.
    I smooth the front of the gown with my hands, and take a deep breath.
    I step out from behind the screen, glance over at Tohu and Bohu,
    then over to Barbara Well, I guess this is it.
    and walk over to the chair.
    « Reply #27 on: May 23, 2011, 09:00:10 PM »

    I wake up. How long have I been asleep?
    At least a couple hours, maybe even a day.
    I look down, and yeh, it's still there,
    I look around the room. There's no sign of Tohu, Bohu or Ms Collins.
    What the Hell was I thinking? This was a mistake. I need to get
    out of here. I'm a man, I'm not a woman, and there's
    nothing they can do with all their technology to change that.

    I get out of the chair and soon I have my boy clothes back on.
    I approach the exit. It has a push bar, the security lock is
    to keep people from sneeking in. I push the bar, and I am back in Office Suite #6.
    I scan the room. This office is empty, but I notice my file on the desk
    I open the folder and grab the initialled pages and tear them out of the folder.
    Then I try this door, and it opens too. But I need a plan -I can't just try to dash
    out the front door, they'll stop me for sure. Then I realize the security quards, the
    secretaries, the other employees, everyone, they're all women. No, I'll never make it
    out the door, not as a man. I need a disguise. I slowly poke my head out
    the door again. There is a woman's locker room just down the hall. If I can get
    in there, and find a dress, I'm sure I can get out, they'll be looking for a man,
    but they don't know I'm a cross-dresser, and a good one. I even have the voice
    down, sort of. I open the door again a crack and peek up and down the
    hallway. The coast is clear. I open the door and quickly walk to the woman's
    locker room, open the door and go in. The locker room looks empty, but I can hear
    a shower running - my luck still holds, but I won't have much time. On a bench I
    see a cleaning lady's dress. Excellent! No one ever looks at the cleaning help,
    at least not too closely -they'll check any bags or boxes I carry but they won't
    look at me, not too closely. I don't have much time! I fumble in her purse
    and find mascara and lipstick, and quickly apply it. Well I'm not supposed to
    look like a model ( and I don't - but it's good enough). I put on her bra and
    stuff it with the five pages of initialled documents.
    I find some duct tape and tape down my manhood. At some point, I'm going
    to have to pull it off, and well that's gonna hurt,
    but that's a good sign - it means I still have one, I'll still be a man.
    I step into the dress.
    it's suprisingly a good fit - I wished I'd shaved my legs recently, but the hair
    on my legs isn't that noticible - if there were some pantyhose you'd never
    see it, but I can't find any, and I don't have time to look. The shoes are
    really tight, and really ugly, but I can force them on (ouch, they're really
    tight, and just gross - I really hate ugly shoes, I mean why girl?) Focus!
    I have to stay focused! I put on the hat that goes with the uniform
    (and hides the boy's haircut I have) put the purse over my shoulder and
    walk out of the locker room, and head down the hall. I'm confident, and
    pretty proud of myself.
    Boy, oh boy! would that have been a mistake, me becoming a woman!
    That's crazy! I really don't know what the Hell I was thinking.
    But all I have to do is get past Security and I can put this all behind me.
    I'm sure if I work at it and really think really straight thoughts all the time
    I'm sure I could be a guy, Oh I just know it! I'm going to give it a try,
    and this time, I know it'll all work out - I'll be a guy and live happily ever after.....

    and so I approach security at the front door.
    « Reply #28 on: May 24, 2011, 12:28:36 PM »
    As you approach the security station, I step out and look at you sternly. Where do you think you are going?
    « Reply #29 on: May 24, 2011, 02:35:38 PM »

    No hables de Anglais I'm so screwed,
    I don't even know Spanish. Why am I even trying to speak
    Spanish? Not all cleaning people are Spanish. Come on girl,
    Get ahold of yourself, you can still talk your way out of this.
    I really should have thought this through, but then patience
    and thinking things through really aren't my strong points.
    OK, I better come clean
    Yeh Barbara, uh, Ms Collins, well I guess I panicked
    again. I must have woken up right after everyone
    left, but I sat in that chair for hours. Hours and hours, honestly.
    But nobody came back! I guess, well I guess I panicked.
    Can you forgive me?

    « Reply #30 on: May 24, 2011, 02:59:21 PM »

    I look at you with an incredulous expression, saying, I'll give you the opportunity to earn your forgiveness. Now, come with me, and when we get back to the transformation theater, get back in the chair and stay there.
    « Reply #31 on: May 24, 2011, 09:51:14 PM »

    Oh! I hate that expression, that hurts - she's disapointed in me,
    she doesn't believe me, but I told the truth- it's not fair.
    I did let her down, but I didn't mean to, I panicked, I mean seriously,
    I was all alone in that chair and I panicked. I told the truth didn't I?
    Oh God! I really screwed up! I think I'm going to be sick.
    Yes Ma'am, of course - I really,
    really want to earn your forgiveness
    I look down
    at the ground (I'll look more repentant that way) and I think
    Yuck! those really are ugly shoes. Well if I puke on these shoes it
    might make them look better! I start to giggle, but it's not that
    funny. It's just the stress of the situation. I bite my tongue, and
    look very, very sad (I do a killer sad look, especially when I have
    mascara on to show off them long lashes) I'll go
    back to the chair, and I'll stay there this time.
    I look into
    her eyes as I say this, but she's hard to read - she doesn't
    trust me I know that, but there's something else, I'm not
    sure what, but it makes me a little worried - I better just go back
    to the chair and wait. I walk back down the hallway, with Ms
    Collins a step or two behind me.
    « Reply #32 on: May 25, 2011, 03:08:11 PM »

    Well here I am again in the chair, waiting.......
    Well at least I have those ugly shoes off.
    Maybe I could paint my toenails, that's always fun
    but I better not get out of this chair
    Barbara looked really mad, I mean I'm all ready
    in enough trouble. Oh well
    I met her in a club down down in north Soho
    where you drink champagne and it tastes just like cherry cola
    C-O-L-A cola, she walked up to me and she asked me to
    dance, I asked her her name and in a dark brown voice
    she said Lola L-O-L-A lola .......

    Sigh, I'm bored
    I decide to slip behind the screen and get out of the cleaning
    lady outfit, for some reason I just feel like singing today,
    maybe because the rooms so empty, and it keeps my mind
    off how much trouble I'm in.
    Holly came from Miami, F-L-A
    hitchhiked across the USA
    plucked her eyebrows on the way
    shaved her legs then he was a she....

    Oh God this this is going to hurt, well it's that
    old question, do you pull the tape off fast or slow?
    Fuck it - let's get this over with
    oh that hurt, what kind of moron uses duct tape
    to conceal their manhood, dumb girl, really dumb.
    Boy that took off a lot of hair!
    I decide on a pink hospital gown this time , I find one
    my size and sit back in the chair and wait......
    Kathy, I'm lost," I said, though I knew she was sleeping
    I'm empty and aching and I don't know why
    Counting the cars on the New Jersey Turnpike
    They've all gone to look for America

    I'm very tired, I may just go to sleep.........

    Once you are in the chair, the techs move to either side of you; and then I push a button on the console, releasing a series of restraining straps from their housings. The techs quickly secure your wrists to the armrests; and then move down to secure your ankles as well. You can still squirm about somewhat on the chair; but you cannot sit up, much less get out of the chair.

    One of the techs removes your hospital gown while the other goes to the cart and takes out two pair of pink nitrile gloves. After each has put on her pair, they remove a five gallon container from the cart and open it up. It holds a clear gel that has a slight pink coloration to it when the light shines through it. There is the faint fragrance of strawberry bubblegum in the air. They dip into the gel and begin to apply it to your body below the neckline.
    « Reply #34 on: May 25, 2011, 10:47:58 PM »
    mmmmmwhat a pleasant dream!
    I dreamed I'd turned into a ..well I won't say, if you
    even so much as think what happened in a dream
    it won't come true. And I'd really like this dream
    to come true. where am I?
    Oh yeh, I remember now, I'm in an operating room
    behind a door in Barbara Collins office. I try to get up,
    but I'm trapped I struggle Oh! Oh! OH God!
    Ummph! Hrmmph
    it's no use, well I might as
    well lean back and enjoy it, as they say. I look down
    and see that I am naked. Funny, that my last hour as
    a man should be spent strapped in a chair with
    two beautiful women hovering over me, applying
    some scented gel to my naked body. The gel makes
    me feel warm and fuzzy, kind of tingley all over,
    very nice, very warm, but I look between my legs
    and see it has grown, this is ridiculous! I wish I could
    cover it up with my hands, or put a towel over it,
    or something, but with my hands strapped, I'll just have
    to sit there like this.
    It is too embarrassing to look at any of the girls looking
    and feeling like this, I close my eyes,
    and feel the warm tingle of the gel, and smell
    the scent of strawberry bubblegum

    « Reply #35 on: May 26, 2011, 12:13:46 PM »

    As the techs work, I tell you about this step in the process.

    The gel is a depilatory. It is going to remove all of your body hair, and will inhibit the regrowth of that hair for a long time to come. When the hair does grow back, it will be lighter and far less coarse than the hair you have now. The gel will also moisturize and soften your skin; and, an interesting side effect is that it will make your skin far more sensitive than it is now - two or even three times more than today.

    Now, as the gel works, it will heat up. This is due to the chemistry of the process. The reactions that dissolve your hair release heat. You're going to feel the gel get warmer; it may even feel hot. In fact, you might think it is getting hot enough to burn you. It isn't - I promise you, it will not burn you or injure you in any way. That's just the result of the sensitivity level beginning to change. You'll be fine, honest.

    my it's warm in here, I mean really warm, well Barbara said
    that's what that cream would do, but Heavens, this is really
    uncomfortable, well at least that took care of that stupid
    erection, hard to maintain a hard-on when you're being baked
    alive. God it's hot - but it will be over soon, and my
    skins going to look even smoother, and no more shaving!
    oh, that'll be nice! shaving sucks! especially the chest -
    It's getting hotter!oh, oh, oooooooh ow owwww
    ooooh oh God, oh
    Oh my, I hope that didn't sound like I was
    enjoying this (I mean I'm really not that kind of girl)
    « Reply #37 on: May 26, 2011, 03:33:08 PM »

    With the gel fully applied, the techs remove and dispose of their gloves, close the container and put it back on the cart. Each then moves on to her next task. Tohu moves to the head of the chair and begins to weave hair extensions into your own; while Bohu moves to the middle of the chair, and begins giving you a manicure, which she will follow with a pedicure; and for which she has chosen the most amazing color of nail polish.

    mmmmm, very nice a manicure! I'm so glad I've grown my nails
    out. They're not as long as they should be, but they're long enough, I can't
    wait to see what color that is! You will suprise me won't you -So delicious, the anticipation...

    one can't be too silly when one is getting a manicure!. and what's that they're playing over
    the PA, yes, that is the sound track to "The King and I" , Rodgers and Hammerstein, very nice.
    What a wonderful musical. Well this is all right, maybe the worst is over......
    « Reply #39 on: May 26, 2011, 10:03:14 PM »

    A timer chimes softly on the control console, and the technicians set aside their work and each takes up a large, absorbent towel, which they use to wipe away the remaining gel - and your remaining body hair. When you have been dried off, the towels are put into a laundry chute, and they go back to working on your hair and nails. Stepping down from the control console, I stand next to you, bending down and pursing my lips to blow gently up your arm, from just beyond your wrist toward your elbow. As I so so, I look to see if goosebumps form, as they usually do; and then I stand up. At that moment, I look at you, smile, and say, I'll bet that felt amazing, didn't it? Like nothing you've ever felt before.

    « Reply #40 on: May 27, 2011, 10:31:59 AM »

    Barbara! Oh my, it's been a very long time since I've been aroused
    by a woman, and I don't think think I've ever been aroused just by a breath, but Heavens,
    she's done it,, oh my....I shiver, and moan softly, I close my eyes and say softly
    Yes, that's kind of nice... I'm a pretty good liar actually, I doubt
    if she suspects how I really feel inside.
    « Reply #41 on: May 27, 2011, 12:11:37 PM »

    I'm glad you enjoyed it, dear. There's more - and, I trust, better - still ahead.

    Going to the cart, I open a compartment and remove a marker, a measuring tape, and a compass. Drawing a line across your chest from nipple to nipple, I measure it, find and mark the midpoint, and then draw a perpendicular line through that point from your sternum to your navel. Using the intersection point as a base for the compass, I proceed to make a series of measurements, marking each with the pen, defining two circular perimeters on your chest.

    Then I move down your torso and repeat the process, staring with a line from hipbone to hipbone. I measure, mark the midpoint, and draw a perpendicular from navel to the base of your penis; and then using the intersection point once more for the compass, I make and mark another series of distances to establish another perimeter at your groin. Then I cap the marker, close the compass, and roll up the measuring tape, putting them back into the compartment from which I had removed them a few minutes before.

    « Reply #43 on: May 28, 2011, 02:39:53 AM »

    I say to the techs, Shrink wrap time, ladies. They set aside their work. Bohu goes to a storage cabinet and returns with a cart on which can be seen a bank of electrical control boxes, and a roll of what looks like the plastic wrap used to protect food in a grocery. They take strips of the wrap and put it around your midriff, from just below the sternum down to a point about two inches below the top of your hip bones. Then Tohu attaches a series of leads from the control boxes to the wrap along the midline of your body, while Bohu sprays a fine mist from a bottle containing a yellow-green solution, making a hole as well in the plastic over your navel. When the leads are all connected and the misting is done, Tohu gives me a "thumbs up," and I activate the power supply. The lamp on top glows yellow, indicating it is in "stand by" mode as it charges its capacitor banks. As we wait, I tell you what is going on.

    This is an Electrostatic Shape Processor. The plastic wrap is similar to shrink wrap, except that it is activated electrically, rather than by heat. It's going to be absorbed into your skin and shrink your midsection like a corset would do - except this corset will be permanent. It's going to give you that classic "hourglass" shape that makes women so desirable. It will become effective immediately; but the full effect will take ten days or so - to give your body time to adjust; so if I were you, I'd be careful about what, and how much, I eat.

    The lamp atop the power supply cycles to green - it is ready to go to work. I say,
    You might feel a slight tingle as the unit activates.
    Then I press the button. There is a whiff of ozone in the air for just a moment.

    « Reply #44 on: May 28, 2011, 05:22:46 AM »

    uwwwh! that is really tight! awwwh! I mean really tight!
    Oh Heavens, awwwh oh my, awwwh! I can barely breathe!
    oooh! mmmm!
    I catch a glance of myself in the mirror,
    as they wrap my midsection, I see just how amazingly small
    my waist is, then I see my eyes and they are huge. Yeh girl,
    I think, looking at myself in the mirror, those are some killer
    curves! But it's too tight, I may have to tell them to stop this,
    but it's so pretty like that, let's see how long I can hold out,
    Damn this really hurts, it's way too tight! I bite my lip and focus
    on my breathing phhhhhhh, phhhhhhhh
    it still hurts, it's way too tight phhhhh, phhhhhh
    maybe, just maybe, I can get thru this phhhhhh

    « Reply #45 on: May 28, 2011, 01:52:31 PM »
    It might feel tight for a day or so; it's sort of like wearing a corset, except you can't take this one off. But your body will soon adjust.

    The leads all fell to the floor when the wrap was absorbed into your body, and the techs pick them up and return them to the cart. Then Bohu returns the cart to its storage closet, and they both go back to work on your hair and nails. I go to the biological locker and remove a box marked, "Breast Forms: 34B"; and a triangular package marked simply, "FFF." When I out these on the workbench, you can see clearly the illustration atop the breast forms box:

    Then I open the box of the breast forms. After removing the protective backing from them, I apply a layer of adhesive to them, setting them aside. Then I apply a layer of the adhesive to the perimeter I had marker earlier on your chest. With this done, I close the container and pick up one of the forms. Aligning it carefully with the perimeter, I set it in place and hold it, watching the seam where the form meets your skin. It doesn't happen right away, but suddenly the edges appear to melt into each other, and then the seam disappears. I continue holding the form for another thirty seconds or so; and then I reach for the second form, and repeat the process, aligning, setting into place, and waiting.

    While we wait, I say, It's an amazing technology, really. Not only does the outer surface look and feel like skin; it actually functions as a substrate and will encourage, over time, the growth of your own skin over it. The inside is a framework designed to return a realistic image to an x-ray or MRI scan; and is filled with a gel whose density and viscosity is that of human adipose tissue - which means that your breasts will look and feel real to anyone who examines or touches them. But there's something in it for you, as well. There's a neural network that senses touch, and can transmit, by induction, to the nerve cells in your skin the sensation; so not only will they feel real to others - they'll feel real to you, too. Every kiss, every caress, every touch will be experienced by you. At this point, the second form anneals to your skin; and I hold it about a half minute longer again before letting go. Then I say, But you don't have to take my word for it. With my index finger extended, I reach over to the first form I had placed, and lightly brush the nipple and aureole of the breast form, smiling as the aureole shrinks and crinkles, and the nipple shortens and hardens, as they are designed to do. How did that feel, sweetheart? Pretty amazing, yes?
    « Reply #46 on: May 28, 2011, 03:53:51 PM »

    mmmmm! Oh yes, very amazing! Very, very amazing!
    I arch my back, straining against the straps that hold me down, trying to
    raise my nipples once more to Barbara's fingers. She stands there, casually,
    her fingers a fraction of an inch away, it is like she doesn't notice, she is a
    woman, how can she not notice! But she stands there, watching Tohu and Bohu
    as they perform their tasks, her fingertips not even a half inch from me, as I
    strain against these straps.
    I feel the sweat rolling down my forehead, down my nose, I feel how flush my
    face is, as Barbara watches Tohu opening a box. I can't stand this,
    look at me! caress me! touch me! Stop looking at Tohu
    and look at me!
    Oops! did I say that out loud?
    heh, heh, heh, heh, heh
    Oh God I'm so embarressed heh, heh, heh, excuse me
    Well that got their attention - oh I am so very embarrassed.....
    « Reply #47 on: May 28, 2011, 09:22:37 PM »

    <OOC> No worries. It's been modified. </OOC>

    Now I unwrap the package labeled "FFF." I remove a triangular object with the same outward surface appearance as the breast forms; a length of tubing; and a translucent disk a bit over 2 inches in diameter, flat on one side, and with a clamp on the other.. First, I take the tubing, and, pulling your erection out from your body with the thumb and index finger of one hand, I allow the tubing to dangle alongside, making a rough estimate of the length. I then cut the tubing to be about four inches longer than what I had estimated.

    Back at the workbench, I unwrap the FFF itself, a triangular, flesh-colored object. Peeling the protective backing from the FFF, I apply a thin layer of adhesive to it, and do the same on the flat side of the translucent disk. Then, working slowly and carefully, I push each of your testicles back into the inguinal canal through which it had descended at puberty. This done, I hold them in place with the tips of my first two fingers, taking the disk in my other hand, and applying it so that it will prevent the testicles from descending back into your scrotum. When the adhesive has set, I let go of the disk.

    Now that the tubing is in place and the testicles are out of the way, it is time to fit you with the FFF. I apply a layer of adhesive to the perimeter I marked on your groin, and then close the container and set is aside. I connect the loose end of the tubing to its fitting on the FFF; and then, aligning it with the perimeter, I press it into place and hold it, waiting for the annealing process to take place. While I wait, I explain to you what is happening.

    This is what we call a "Faux Femme Front"; an "FFF" for short. It's made of the same basic materials as the breast forms. The outer layer will anneal to your skin, and eventually your own skin will grow over it. It's got the same adipose tissue-like gel and x-ray friendly framework; and the same neural network, so once again, those seeing it and touching it will think it is real; and you'll feel it as being real. Likewise, the tubing around your penis is a shrink wrap material, activated by your body heat. It will bond to your skin as did the wrap around your midriff, and will be free from leaks. I'm afraid your testicles' days are numbered. Because they've been pushed back up into your body cavity, the heat will essentially cook the sperm in them, and the sperm-generating cells as well, making you impotent. Even if that didn't do it, the hormone treatment we're going to give you a bit later would achieve about the same effect. So your life as you knew it is over; there's no going back now.

    Oh, I forgot to mention that your new genitalia are self-lubricating, and capable of being penetrated both for your partner's pleasure, and your own. The neural net even has a bundle of receptors in the front wall of the vagina, so you'll have your very own g-spot. You're going to love it, I'm sure!

    At this moment, the annealing takes place; I wait another minute or so to be certain. Then I let go, saying, You don't have to take my word for it, by the way. I run my finger teasingly along your labia, and they moisten to allow penetration. After a bit more caressing of the lips, I suddenly plunge my finger into your vagina for a moment, probing for the g-spot, before pulling my finger out again. I smile, and say. How did that feel? Because I can tell you that, mechanically, it's working just fine. Congratulations, sweetie: you have a fully functional pussy... Remember how an orgasm felt? How the pressure built up until you popped your cork? Once it was done, you hovered on the edge of the plane of ecstasy for a bit, and then fell back to earth, like a wave crashing on the shore? You're going to find that it's nothing compared to what you'll experience now - not a rapid buildup and shrink down... It's a passion that builds, slowly, inexorably, higher and higher, until something shifts - and then it's like falling off the edge and floating, and you don't come falling back to earth; you glide... But you'll find out soon enough, I'm sure...
    « Reply #48 on: May 29, 2011, 11:32:35 AM »

    Barbara!Oh! I didn't even try to resist! Resist? Hell, I could
    feel how wet she made me, just teasing me with with the softness or her touch,
    how eagerly my body accepted her probing, how it welcomed her advances,
    how it yielded and formed around her finger - Oh God I wanted her inside me,
    I want her inside me now again, but deeper, much deeper - I haven't been a
    woman a minute, and all ready it seems like a lifetime of longing for another
    woman. How can I resist? She stands over me, confident and sure of her self,
    she thinks she can drive me into ecstasy as I lie here on my back, my legs
    spread, and yes, I know she can, I can't stop her, I wouldn't want to. She could
    take off the straps that hold me down, and I would lay here waiting for her.
    one minute as a woman and all ready I've been penetrated, all ready I've longed
    for more. I lay there waiting for whatever comes next Oh yes,
    I'm sure I'll find out, I'm very sure I'll find out, but it wont be soon enough
    Smiling slightly, I let my hand rest on your abdomen for just a moment, as I say, I know you think that now; but believe me, dear, it won't be too much longer. We're almost done here. We also have rules; and if I were to do more, it wouldn't be fair to you, nor would it be right and proper for me to take advantage of the situation. Your journey of exploration is just getting started. My advice is to relax and enjoy the ride.

    I got to the control console, and turn a knob on it. The panels in the ceiling above you begin to retract, and a device looking like a mask with hundreds of tubes and wires coming from it to connect to a machine resembling an oscilloscope on steroids begins to descend, like some hideously grotesque spider coming out of its lair.
    This is a Mark III Facial Feature Transmogrification Unit; we call it, "the face machine," for simplicity's sake.
    It's an amazing piece of technology, really. It is going to reconfigure the appearance of your face to deemphasize the masculine aspects and emphasize the feminine. For example, it will soften your jawline and reduce the ridge over your eyes, while enhancing your cheekbones. You'll be anesthetized for the procedure, which is just as well; because we'll put a tube into your throat to reduce or eliminate your Adam's apple, and to change your voice to make it sound feminine. You'll also receive a hormone treatment that will suppress the production of almost all testosterone in your body, and enhance the production of estrogen, so that a blood sample will show hormone levels within range for a healthy female. This is going to dramatically change your muscles; you'll be weaker than you were as a male.

    As I speak, the techs are getting the mask ready, and I snap a cartridge of the sedative into the dispenser chamber of an air syringe. I bring the syringe to your triceps muscle, and depress the trigger, giving you the injection. With a smile for you, I say, You'll be asleep soon, dear; so if you have any questions, better ask them quickly. Otherwise, think happy thoughts... and sweet dreams to you...
    « Reply #50 on: May 30, 2011, 05:14:12 PM »

    Oh, I hate rules! I'm pouting, but I'm chuckling to myself, and
    with her hand on my belly she knows I'm laughing, inside - I suspect she's right,
    but it would be fun, sigh...
    I'm feeling a little sleepy, hmmm, relax and enjoy the ride. Where have I heard
    that before? Oh, I remember!heh, heh heh, heh, oh! mmmm...... how odd
    pinprick of lights everywhere, sparkling like fireworks, very, very odd, like the northern lights
    dancing across my eyes, and I feel electric, there is no other word for it, electric, and very
    sleepy, very very sleepy oh they look lovely, can I try them on?
    but cookie monster, orange is the color of a flagpole!

    « Reply #51 on: May 31, 2011, 10:45:55 AM »

    I wait until the sensors show that all your vital signs are within normal limits before activating the machine. Then I say to the techs, I'll be in my office if you need me for anything. Come and get me as she's starting to wake up. I know they will; and that your hair weave and nails will all be finished while you're in the machine.

    Going into my office, I switch on my monitor, setting it to display both a real time image of you, and also your vital signs. When I've verified that it is working, I go to the bar, put some ice in a glass, and pour myself three fat fingers of Bushmill's. I sit down with a request for a private commission, and try to determine what to do with it. As I close my eyes to sort things out, I fall asleep; and it isn't until several hours later, with Tohu tapping me on the shoulder, that I wake up The first thing I do is look to your vital signs; and, seeing that all seems well, and that the EEG traces do show you to be regaining consciousness, I get up, and return to the theater. Seeing that the techs have removed the attachments, I toggle the switch to return the face manchine to its "lair" overhead. Going then to supply cart, I pick up an oversized hand mirror and hold it before you said that the first thing you will see when you wake up is… you. I say to Tohu, Let's wake her up. She breaks an ampule of smelling salts under your nose. As your eyes flutter and you begin to return to consciousness, I say quietly, Welcome back, sleepyhead! Take a look now and see how beautiful you've become...

    « Reply #52 on: May 31, 2011, 02:36:24 PM »

    <ooc> Thanks for your post to all members! When I saw a Gender Therapist I was diagnosed
    that way (or very similar to that) and it just does nothing but harm- I went home, terminated any further sessions, and am thankful I did - I wouldn't be here today if I'd kept going - I'm trying to leave my comments on the site but I'm having technical difficulties - I sent an email to the help contact, I also did sign the survey , it'll feel good letting them know that things like
    this can cause harm to people - thanks </ooc>
    Huh..I look in the mirror and I see myself, only it's me!
    it's really me! - the person I've been looking for all these years!
    I see my smile -"Oh, I look happy" I think to myself -it's a dumb thing to think,
    even by my standards, but so what, I'm so happy what does it matter?

    « Reply #53 on: May 31, 2011, 03:17:54 PM »

    Seeing your expression, I put my hand gently on your arm, and say, It's all right, dear - everything is fine. Why not be happy? You've been through some big changes, but it will all settle in for you. Relax, and breathe deeply. Right now, it's time to get you dressed, so you can go to the Galleria, meet your Mentor, and do some shopping! Do you know how to put on a bra, or do you need some instruction?

    As I am speaking, Bohu wheels over a cart on which has been laid out a bra, panties, a garter belt, stockings, a camisole, a blouse, a skirt, and a pair of shoes with three inch heels.

    « Reply #54 on: May 31, 2011, 04:06:58 PM »

    Of course I know how to put on a bra!hhm, maybe I should have asked
    for some some instruction anyways giggle, I'm just a little nervous, that's all
    Oh my, everything is so pretty, I think, stepping into my panties fits like a glove!
    I let the elastic snap against my smooth skin, and turn to look at my backside in the mirror.
    I suppose I should be embarrassed being half naked like this, but I think they understand -
    this is my moment, and I'm going to savor it - oh, very pretty, and 34B, just my size, looking
    down and seeing how pleasantly my breasts fill the bra, with its pretty little lace details, very
    nice, I think, as my fingers trace a lace flower. As you can tell, this is going to take a while......

    « Reply #55 on: May 31, 2011, 08:22:25 PM »
    All of a sudden, the door at the far side of the room opens, and Tohu wheels a gurney over near us at the chair. With a shocked look on my face, I say, Oh, dear... we've made a mistake. I'm afraid you'll have to remove the bra and panties, dear. We've another step to take in your transformation. Would you be good enough to hop up onto the gurney that's just arrived after you've disrobed? Then we'll take you to the MRU Center for the last step in your transformation.

    « Reply #56 on: May 31, 2011, 10:00:49 PM »

    Mistake? Mistake? No! No! You wouldn't! with one hand I'm clutching
    my breast, the other is on my panties, they can't take this away, not now! But I look at
    Barbara, then over at Tohu, then back at Barbara, one last step she said, she couldn't
    be that cruel, I'd see it in her eyes, no they're not turning me back, they've forgotten
    something, but what? how the Hell should I know, I'll just have to trust them
    well Ok I say nervously I can handle one more step, sure
    as I slip out of my bra and panties and lay down on the gurney. The gurney is frightfully cold,
    sweat is running off my forehead, tears are running down my cheeks, my hands are clenched
    tight to the cold stainless steel hand rails on the gurney, I close my eyes and force a smile
    Ok, I'm ready

    « Reply #57 on: June 01, 2011, 01:19:40 PM »

    Relax, darling - you'll like what we're going to do next. Well, maybe not immediately next... We're going to strap you down, just for safety's sake, while we take you to the MRU Center. The techs place restraints over your thighs and just under your shoulder line, at about the armpits. They are secured, but not tightly - enough to keep you from falling without being restrictive. Your arms are left free. Bohu places an angled pillow under your head, and then covers you with a thin blanket to help keep you warm. The lowered side rail on the gurney is raised. Tohu releases the brake as Bohu swipes her ID badge to unlock the door, and we move out into the hallway. I say, We're taking you to the MRU - the Mass Reduction Unit. It will complete your transformation process.

    We walk for several minutes through corridors that are deserted, along a pathway that would have done a rat research maze proud. I say, half-jokingly, This isn't a regular part of the process; in fact, the cost of this step alone equals the expense of all the other steps to this point combined. For some reason, I always want to drop a trail of bread crumbs when I make this trip... just in case I want to get back to my office in a hurry...

    At last we turn down a corridor that dead ends at a door labeled simply, "MRU." Underneath that, it says, "Authorized Personnel Only." I open the door, and we enter into the room. Looking around, you can see in the center of the room a tubular capsule sitting on a pad with a locking framework around its perimeter; and suspended overhead is the power unit.
    « Reply #58 on: June 01, 2011, 02:18:22 PM »

    Oh way cool! it looks like some giant pneumatic tube you'd see
    at the drive-thru window at a bank, what is it? An iron lung? I'll be bubble-boy
    (well bubble girl now). This is just too cool! If it wasn't for these straps, I'd be walking
    around tweaking dials, pushing buttons, reading gauges, oh that'd be fun!
    heh, heh, a technology geek like me, it's probably a good thing you've
    strapped me down
    Oh check out that power unit - sweet, we're talking some
    major KVA's from those transformers, but I have to admit - I'm at a loss as to how it
    all works or what comes next Is there anything you need me to do?
    I ask, trying to look very casual about the whole thing, but the EKG tells another
    « Reply #59 on: June 02, 2011, 01:28:08 PM »

    The gurney is positioned at the end of the capsule, your feet closest to the device, your head farthest away. One of the MRU techs approaches the gurney carrying a helmet, but she pauses while I explain to you what's going to happen now.

    No, there's nothing we need you to do. This helmet will be used to provide your air supply while you are in the gel. You'll be given an anesthetic mixed in with the air, so you'll drift off to sleep. When the monitors show you're asleep, the process will begin. There's nothing to worry about. This is the last step in your physical transformation, dear. I know it's been a long and tedious process for you. Things should get better once this is completed.

    With a nod, the MRU tech fits you carefully and competently with the helmet. Tohu and Bohu lower the side rails on the gurney, and release the restraints. Then, after a locking system has been released, the lift the end of the gurney and insert it into a slot in the chamber, sliding the platform on which you are resting inside the capsule. The MRU tech attaches the air hose of your mask to the delivery fitting, checks to make sure air is flowing through the mask to you, and then closes the hatch, sealing the capsule. The gurney is wheeled out of the way.

    Next, another MRU tech lowers the power unit until its supports are aligned with their foundations; and then the unit is set in place and the foundations locked. The techs make a visual inspection to verify that the unit is properly sealed and seated, while, at the control console, I verify that the supply tubing for air, gel, and other materials have all properly extended from the power unit to the capsule. The closed circuit television cameras are all checked, and are found to be working normally. I put on a headset and key the microphone. We're ready. In a minute we'll start the addition of the anesthetic to your breathing mixture. Are you all right? There's a microphone inside your helmet, as well as the headset through which you're hearing this; just speak in a normal voice, and we'll be fine. As I'm speaking, I'm verifying that the telemetry for your EKG, EEG, pulse, respiration, blood pressure, and other vital signs are all operational.

    « Reply #60 on: June 02, 2011, 09:41:53 PM »

    heh, heh, "sitting on a park bench, eyeing little girls in satin panties,
    snot is running down his nose, greasy fingers smearing shabby clothes"...heh, heh,
    Aqualung!, get it? heh, heh, I love music, did I ever tell you that? I don't think
    so, I think I'd remember if I told you that
    I'm glad I'm not nervous, cause I can act kind
    of silly when I'm nervous, but I'm not nervous, no I'm a very brave girl,
    ROAR! heh, heh, oh don't be such a sour puss, you know it's jush, jusssh, just
    the anesh, anesth, aneth, that gas stuff is making me act silly, so you guys
    are knocking me out again, heh, heh, all you ever do is knock me out, I guess
    that's why I'll wind up a knock out, heh, heh Tohu! Bohu! wait, check this out,
    to hu bo hu to hu bo hu tohu bohu tohubohutohubohutohubohu! silly, very silly,
    Good Night Irene -Irene good night - good night Irene, I'll see you in my dreams

    oh how very sleepy what was I saying?.... zzzzzzz

    « Reply #61 on: June 03, 2011, 01:37:32 PM »

    Laughing at your reference to "Aqualung,", I tell you what is going to happen. This device is going to reconfigure your body, making you shorter and lighter, in terms of body mass, than you are now. The net result will make you a more petite woman - apart from your breasts, which will remain the same size, and from your buttocks, which will be, shall we say, a bit more padded, more shapely, than they are now? The procedure will last anywhere from ten to fourteen hours. Once you've fallen asleep, the capsule will be filled with a gel, which responds to the field generated by the Power Supply; its the medium by which the changes are effected. You'll sleep through it all, and I'll be here when you wake up.

    With that, the techs seal the capsule, and the sedative, which had already begun to be introduced into your air supply, is increased. Once you have fallen asleep, the capsule fills with a blue-green gels. The techs make sure all the internal connections have been made and that the footings are secured; and when that is done, the Power Supply is activated. A low pitched hum fills the room, and a faint blue glow can be seen around the MRU.
    « Reply #62 on: June 03, 2011, 10:06:59 PM »
    it is like I am floating in a sea, it is night. The sea is calm, but it not quiet. There is a humming,
    the humming is everywhere, like the glow, the eery phosphourescent glow that surounds me.
    The sea supports me, but it also embraces me, carresses me, molds me, I feel it transform me,
    the humming is incessant but I feel disconnected from it, from the glow, from my body,
    I feel myself rise from the sea, rise from my body, out of my body, out of the sea, out of
    the capsule, above the capsule. I am looking down at the capsule and the girl inside,
    who lays there floating in a gell. I marvel at her beauty, she is very delicate and petite it
    is hard to recognize her, even though I understand who she is. Outside the capsule stand
    three figures, three women. Tohu is concerned, she thinks the procedure is too new, too
    risky, she thinks this,she speaks her concerns, I understand. Barbara is confident but
    also concerned, I don't think she recognizes that I am above her, listening to her thoughts,
    watching her every move, I don't think she'd believe it, if I told her (if I remember this later,
    and I never do) Bohu prays silently, Boho prays to a God I do not know, a God from a far
    off island in the South Pacific, I do not know her God, I do not understand her religion, but
    I do know her prayer will be answered, I will return to my body. And I feel myself pulled
    into the capsule, into my body - the humming is now incessant, the sky glows, the sea
    supports me and embraces me, and soon I am lulled to a deeper sleep, a sleep with no dreams.
    « Reply #63 on: June 04, 2011, 11:55:08 AM »
    Although the MRU has its own techs - which means that Tohu and Bohu are "off the hook" for the next half day - as the executive responsible for your transformation, I have to be available at all times to deal with any questions, situations, or emergencies that may take place. Accordingly, once you have fallen asleep, with your vital signs all within normal limits, I turn operational control over the the MRU team, and head for the "ready room." I hope to get some work done there; but I know that, sooner or later, I will fall asleep. As it turns out, today is "sooner"; and I am out for a full seven hours, which is most unusual for me.

    When I return, the capsule is about empty of the gel, which has been drained; in fact, the rinse phase has begun. Both you and the capsule have the last remnants of the gel removed. Then the fans and heating elements activate, to accelerate the drying process. Once completed - and with a large, absorbent towel for the places on you that need some extra attention, the capsule is opened, and the litter you're on is retracted. A quick "buff and polish," and you are returned to the gurney. We head back to the original transformation center. You are noticeably shorter than you were before we brought you to the MRI unit.
    « Reply #64 on: June 04, 2011, 09:11:00 PM »

    Oh my, what a pleasant sleep I'm feeling remarkably refreshed,
    the last few nights I've had a little insomnia (it was a bit of that transvestic disorder
    that's going around, but surely I must be over it by now).
    I look around, and I'm really not sure where I am. Oh yes I remember.
    huh. how did I get back here?
    I'm strapped to a gurney, and I think there must be someone around
    Hello? Hello? Gee my voice sounds higher, I wasn't even trying to do
    my girly voice, it just came out that way, huh... I wonder, I strain my neck down to
    look at my chest, well my breast really (old habits die hard)
    My God! I think they really did it! this is not my old body, I'm so much
    smaller, the curves are different, the arms are slender and graceful, the fingers long and
    delicate, the waist very narrow, the hips are fuller. I remember the results of the previous
    operation, my breasts, my uh well gee it's difficult to call it that! uh, what do I call it, my .... no not
    that, oh thst's too vulgar, but that would be too clinical, that is too childish, that is just
    gross, what shall I call it- my fully woman's hips - well it's awkward but
    that's what I'll call it, for now....
    I simply must get up and see what I really look like and take a shower, heh, heh,
    I do believe I'm blushing, well I'm going to have to take a shower sometime, and a yeh,
    I'm sure I'm blushing, me alone in a shower, hmmmm..........
    It occurs to me things will never be the same, heh, heh, heh, heh
    oh yeh.
    I really must get up and get going, I've got a life to live.
    Hello? Uh Hello? Anyone? I'm awake
    now, can someone help me out? Hello. Anyone.....
    « Reply #65 on: June 06, 2011, 01:00:49 PM »

    You start to speak as we are drawing close to the Transformation Theater where we began. I say, It won't be long now, dear. As soon as we get back, we'll get you dressed, and then we can begin the next step in your journey, taking you to the Galleria to meet a mentor, and do some shopping for some basic items needed for your new life here. As I finish speaking, we come to the door, and in a moment we are back inside. Near the chair is a cart on which have been laid out a bra, panties, a garter belt, stockings, a camisole, a blouse, a skirt, and a pair of shoes with three inch heels. The techs help you move from the gurney back to the chair. As they do so, I pick up the bra, and say, We'll start with this. Do you need instruction as to how to put it on?

    « Reply #66 on: June 06, 2011, 02:55:48 PM »

    This time, I'm ready for the question. I'm starting to use my head.
    Help with the bra? Oh, most definately heh, heh, I've been
    putting on bras since I was 8 years old, but hey I'm standing around naked,
    and I'm just dying to show off this new body, and there is no time like the present!
    If you could show me how to put it on, I'd be most grateful
    I turn my back to Barbara, who is holding the bra. I hold up my hands, close
    my eyes and wait for her to dress me. Oh this could be fun (giggle)
    « Reply #67 on: June 06, 2011, 04:36:44 PM »
    Laughing, I say, Sorry, Stacy! The idea here isn't for me to dress you, dear - it's for us to make sure you know how to dress yourself. Now take the bra, sweetie; and either put it on, or ask me for instructions as to how to do it.

    « Reply #68 on: June 06, 2011, 08:42:34 PM »

    Sigh, of course "us" knows how to dress ourselves, silly
    I'm trying to sound indignant, and looking all pouty, but I'm thinking "busted"
    and giggling -flirting with women is kind of fun, now that I'm one of them.
    (it's very naughty, heh, heh) Oh well, lets see - I Look at the bra, it's very
    nice - black, I like black, it goes well with my fair skin and strawberry blond
    hair. I easily put it on and I squeeze a breast to confirm the fit and can't help
    feel how sensitive and hard the nipple is, I trace it's contour with my finger nail
    and start to daydream about a guy I used to like. Suddenly, I snap back to the present.
    It's a little embarrassing there, thinking about me and a guy, I mean how long
    have I been a woman, surely I could wait a few months before thinking about
    stuff like that I mean, at least a day, or a couple hours or something, sigh,
    it would be kind of fun....realizing Barbara is standing behind me I quickly
    snap out of it again (sometimes it feels like Barbara can read my mind, it's uncanny)
    I step into the panties and don't feel quite as naked.
    Then I sit and pull the panty hose on and holding out my legs smooth them out,
    before putting on the garter. Next I pull the camisole down, and put on the blouse.
    Compared to the sexy lingerie I have, the white bouse and tight black skirt
    are really very practical, fashionable, but practical. The skirt is very tight, but
    why not, I've got nothing to hide , or tuck - as the magicians say "nothing up
    my sleeve!" or I guess they should say "nothing up my skirt!". My waist really
    is very tiny, the skirt really shows this off to good effect.
    I look at the three inch heels and think that as practical as a skirt and blouse are,
    3" heels just are not the most practical if you haven't worn heels in a while,
    this is going to hurt after a couple hours, still they are very pretty, and that's
    all that matters when it comes to shoes, I'll just remember to sit a lot.
    I slip on the heels and walk around a bit - the tight skirt prevents me from
    taking anything but a half stride, I feel the skirt through my stockings rub against
    my thighs, I hear the "click, clack, click clack" of the heels on the tile floor
    as I walk. I think walking in heels is like riding a bicycle, once ypu learn , you
    never forget. I spin around and smile at Barbara Well, what do you
    think? Will I'll pass? heh, heh
    oh I know the answer to that, but
    it will do me a world of good to hear it from someone else.
    « Reply #69 on: June 07, 2011, 12:34:51 PM »

    When you ask if you'll pass, I take a step back with one foot, cock my head to one side, and give you a look, as if appraising you. I am smiling the whole time, and I'm sure you know that I am playing with you. My expression changes as I narrow my eyes and purse my lips, as if thinking seriously about your question. Well... I suppose you'll be all right... if it's dark... and they're drunk... Then I laugh, and say, brightly, Hey, lady! We do quality work here! Nothing but the best. But seriously, Stacy: You're a beautiful woman now; and I doubt anyone would guess that this hasn't always been the case for you.

    Now, my work with you here is completed. Are you ready to walk with me to the Galleria, meet a Mentor, and do some shopping?

    « Reply #70 on: June 07, 2011, 01:09:35 PM »

    Heh, heh, if it's dark and they're drunk, that's pretty good.
    She's really good at delivering the line too, heh, heh,
    Actually she's really good at her job,helping people like
    me, I'm going to miss her, but I am so ready to meet
    some new people and do some shopping that I think
    I seem a little over eager to leave when I say
    oh yes I can't wait! I hope she didn't
    think I meant I was eager to leave, I was just excited
    about what comes next! but there's something
    I'm missing, huh, an Institute like this, how could they
    forgot something so important,
    Uh, Barbara? Uh, where's my purse?
    « Reply #71 on: June 07, 2011, 01:52:32 PM »

    I raise an eyebrow upon being addressed as, "Barbara." I say, in a rather "proper" voice, Stacy, just for the record, you should refer to me as, "Ms. Barbara"; and use the title of any member of the Institute staff, as well as that of any of our patrons, Otherwise, you might find yourself in a good deal of trouble. I know you're new, and so there's no reason to expect you to have known this; but now you do know, and will be expected to respond accordingly. Things have been going so well; it would be a shame for that to change now.

    I offer you my arm. Let's go, shall we?
    I walk to the door at the far side of the room; exit into the corridor, and then turn to the right, to walk toward a set of glass double doors, through which the sunlight is streaming.

    <OOC>This thread continues as Stacy is Brought for Mentoring. </OOC>
    The "Stacy is Brought for Mentoring" thread is completed also -it's basically
    a shopping trip to the Galleria, and it was a lot of fun, but it's too much work
    to rework these, so I'll just post the links when they're started and completed,
    like this:

    Stacy is Brought for Mentoring:,4319.msg125193.html#msg125193

    and the continuation from there (the current thread:)
    New Girl Stacy Wilderness is Brought to the Ward:,4396.0.html

    and somehow I got involved in a pillow fight in the dorm, which is also current:,4441.0.html

    Take Care


    Links to Samantha's full length Plays (which are not Transgender Themed,
    but are pretty good (I think so at least) can be found here:

     My first play "The Acts of Cain" which as I've said was never
    produced, but I earned $7000 from it:

    My second play "Catfish Bones - A Love Song to the Blues"
    along with some digital recordings:

    And my efforts at a third play have stalled,
    but it would be about Herbert "Berta" Beeson
    a cross dressing tightwire performer with
    Ringling Brothers and Sells-Floto who was a
    headline act performing as a woman. This is
    based on a true story, but like everyone else,
    I will take dramatic liberties.
    this is an odd mix of some ideas, some written
    sketches and some historical information: