I phound my phone!!!! yeah! so it's a clean sweep - a very good night
last night - I didn't lose my phone it was just hidden (kind of like I used
to hunt for Easter eggs, now I hunt for cell phones on Easter weekend
-they're hidden by the cell phone bunny - who is way sexier than the
Easter Bunny) but anyways, yeh a clean sweep yesterday - I found my phone,
I narrowly averted spending a long boring night on a date with some guy who
is married to Mr Hand, I called a girl I met last weekend (and it's complicated
and I really want to date a nice guy, but I'm not sure I'm 100% one way or the
other, and I'm not sure if we'd be dating or just friends and just the whole
the guy calling the girl nerves and all but I did it and now I'll just see what
happens - she's a very nice person, and I'm sure it'd be fun, and I don't
have to think I should have done it (like some idiot guy I could mention))
I had a really nice night talking with a friend, who was there for me (again)
and she was totally wonderful, and I've been thinking lately that the support
structure I built up to transition wasn't holding -because I'm going through
some really tough times and it feels tough sometimes, but when I've called
she's been there, and I mean some guy stands you up, you call a friend
stop over with some beer, drink some beer, try on a bunch of clothes,
leave wearing a new, very pretty black dress she gave me, a very cute
loaner brown wig - seriously I looked in the mirror and was like
"who's that girl?" -but so I left with a whole bunch of clothes I have
to find space for somewhere :) and that happiness you get when
you call a friend all bummed out and leave feeling really happy
(and very pretty) -I don't know how to put what I'm trying to say here.
But yeh I've been feeling the support structure wasn't going to hold - but
she's been a true fiend and my mothers trying to understand this and I've
been trying to not rub her face in it and prance around the house in dresses
and stuff - but I mean her support is constant and I totally need it right
now and she's given me that support, and my therapist is there and I don't
know emotionally I'm OK it's not me it's the stupid situation -I really
need an effing job -and going full time is just going to have to wait -
because I really need a job and I have to be honest enough with the
person that hires me that if they hire me as a guy I'm actually going to show
up for work as a guy and be a guy (or at least be the person they hired)
so I will and that's fine - if that's what it takes to move forward
and seriously, what I do for a hobby in my free time is my own business
(especially if it is 100% legal, which it is -this is America for Christ sake)
But yeh, my support structure is holding and I'm very lucky and really
sort of blessed when I see what other people are going through
so I got my mother, and my friends, and the therapist, and the church,
and it seems to be working and that's a lot of support and the rest,
as they say, is up to me.
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