Transformative Honeymoons

So quickly - I wore a black skirt and jacket and a gold silk blouse,
low cut black boots with 4" heels.  I went to church, the service
was good, chatted a bit afterwards with some other girls,
stopped at the coffee house but it looks like the guy I was
playing some music with has gone elsewhere, and I'm a bit
too shy to do solo stuff, so I went over to Como Park and
walked around the zoo and conservatory, and that was
fun -I was feeling sort of pretty today - and after that I
drove to Lake Como and sat on a blanket and played my
dulcimer - then I went home and took off my makeup
and I'm back in drab, so a nice day right, but OK
here's some further evidence that I might be crazy
or straight or both - I'm walking into the service and
a guy comes up to me and introduces himself, and he
seems nice enough and kind of extra friendly, so I'm
telling him my name and saying hi, then I notice a fellow
trans person I know so instead of chatting up the guy, I
walk over and talk to the girl and then go downstairs and
do my volunteer boiler thing, I'm downstairs in the boiler
room when it hits me that the guy might have been being
friendly with me because he might have been actually
interested in me (I just take it for granted that no one
at my gay church is interested in me in that way)
OK it gets worse -so I'm over at the Como Park
Conservatory and a guy is talking to me, and I
come up with the line that sounded more negative
than I meant, and he took it as negative and it wasn't
but he took it as negative and walked away.
Certainly I wasn't smiling and flirting that
way I was sort of acting like me, only in a pretty
skirt, but I can see why he's thinking some guy in a skirt
and 4" heels should act like some flirty bimbo girl, and be
a little frustrated that I acted like some somewhat
masculine trans person,
OK it gets worse still, so I'm playing my dulcimer
and a guy comes up and asks if it's OK to sit and
listen and I say sure, and he sits down and I have the
dulcimer on my lap and he looks nice and all and seems
like a decent guy, clean shaven, handsome, a bit of an
eastern European accent, so OK I'm still new to the dulcimer
and I really have to concentrate to play, but I'm so focused
on playing that I ignore the guy while I'm playing and I can't
think of anything to say in between songs, so he get's up
after a couple songs and walks away, and it's like
I dunno, am I crazy? I mean some guy shows some interest in
me and I get all shy and quiet and look at my hands and stuff,
and it's like seriously -I don't get what I was thinking......
I mean guys never hit on me, well almost never, and now
a guy does, I mess it up like that -like I said I must be straight
or crazy or both,

Anyways despite my conviction that I probably am both straight
and crazy, there's a guy I'm trading emails with who may be
asking me out on a date - so I'll let you know how I manage to
screw this one up.