Transformative Honeymoons

Drag #3

Smash

my dog jumps away from the window startled and scared

the mirror lies shattered, the plastic moulding

torn clean off from the door

I pull in front of the bus and park the truck

Damn

a lady pulls alongside and rolls down her window

"Are you OK?"

"I'm fine"

"was he pulling out?"

"no, no, he was stopped, I just hit him"

"that's a beautiful dog you have, you really need to 

keep her in back. if the airbag had gone off it would

have killed her I'm sorry but it's true'

the car slowly pulls away

I take the insurance card from the visor

and reach for my purse. 

I take my man's wallet

from my woman's purse  

and find my drivers license

I get out of the truck and walk over the the bus,

the door is closed

the glare on the window makes it hard to see into the bus

I walk over to the drivers window I walk back to the door

it's closed -I'm confused - not from the accident 

I was wearing a seat belt and only going 10 mph,

I'm confused from the aftermath - of what to do next and

from being in a skirt and stuff and from going around

smashing into buses with my truck like some crazy person,

and from a big white bus with it's doors and windows closed

I walk over to the mirror lying in the road and pick it up,

I'm not worried about looking delicate,

I pick up the stupid mirror, walk back 

and dump it uncerimoniously  it in the bed of the pickup 

I walk back to the bus, 

the bus door is open

On the bus I give my license and insurance card to the driver

he calls in that he's been in an accident 

then we have to wait

it's procedure

soon the 7 or 8 people on the bus are antsy,

"let's go!" someone says 

"we have to wait" the driver says

"there'll be another bus coming along" 

"if you want to take that"

he opens the doors

the people walk off the bus

walk past me 

the crazy guy in a dress

and wait for the next bus to come along

it arrives shortly afterwards

"It was good that the people got off, they won't

claim whiplash" he explains, "these things

happen" he says seeing how nervous I am

we wait and talk a little and wait

I find out that he sees about two or three trans people

a day on his routes - I find that interesting

to each his own is his philosophy on that

we wait

The Metro Transit Police arrive and take my information

again,

they take pictures, fill out reports

They're nice to me but official

The supervisor arrives

and he takes pictures

of the rear view mirror

of the black scuffed dent

in the rear of the big white bus

they give me an accident report

and a citation for an expired license

I can't move the truck

someone has to come and get it 

or they'll tow it away

It can't be expired, because it isn't 

it was a snafu last time I went to 

get my license renewed but it's all

straightened out I have the letters at home

nobody believes me

but it's true 

but it doesn't matter 

I panic,

my parents don't drive, 

I don't have any friends

they're going to tow the truck

and I don't have any money to pay for that

I want to die

what a disaster

I go sit in the truck

with my dog

I remember my cell phone and tell them

there might be somebody I could call

I call a woman friend (who is trans) 

She has been supportive in the past, 

but we've drifted apart, 

we're still friendly,

but it feels like we've drifted apart, 

and I don't really go around asking for help

it's so awkward

and all

I'm pretty much a loner

and being isolated is how I get by

I just take it for granted

you don't ask for favors from people

but what else can I do

I call and she answers, she'll come pick me up

"Thanks" I say

I wait in the truck

and pat my dog

and play my dulcimer

and play my harmonica

and wait, 

I'm playing my harmonica 

with the door open,

the dog on a leash tied to the door

sitting on the sidewalk

Somehow I don't feel very sexy right now,

but I give her kiss on the cheek

(later, she's mad at me for being so cold,

what can I say? nothing, thanks, I'm sorry

nothing - I don't go around asking people for 

help, really, and all I really wanted right then was to

just get out of there

An officer gives her the keys,

I get in the passenger side,

she gets in the drivers side, starts the truck

and drives away.