of a Gay bar, alone of course - that should be the start of every Gay bar
story I have: Stacy walks out of a Gay bar alone......anyways, I walk out of the
bar and cross a busy downtown street and there are police cars on the corner and
a few people around and I'm pretty comfortable walking along in a public setting
like that - I'm wearing a soft suede leather coat with fur trim, a comfortably
tight jean skirt that's just above the knees, black boots with 2.5" heels that are
just below the knees and carrying a purse - so I'm presenting as a woman, but
not at all "enticing or slutty or anything". as I cross the street I sense that
someone is following me. To confirm this I adjust my speed a little and confirm
that with a slight slowing down speeding up resuming my normal pace that he
is on my wing. My hand moves from the purse strap onto the purse itself , but
otherwise I keep walking down the sidewalk and I'm not very concerned.
Physically the person following me is a bit shorter than me, probalby 20 to 30
pounds lighter than me (I'm 220#) and is physically fit and impressively muscular, and
oh yeh, he's black (and I'm white). So I keep walking back to the parking garage
and stop before making the turn. He stops too, he has correctly determined that
I'm concerned about the situation. He says "I'm not following you, I'm going
back to my car" - he has a nice smile and is polite and I used to be a weight
lifter and boxed some and had straight football players as room mates, so
to me being muscular is a sign that someone has self-discipline and takes
care of themselves (I don't automatically assume every muscular guy is
a threat) so my radar says he seems ok in a suspicious sort of way,
especially since he diesn't have a coat on ( I just realized as I write this
that he was probably in the coat check line at the bar getting his coat
when I walked past to leave the bar and he followed me out - obvious)
anyways so the walk from the sidewalk to the entrance of the parking garage
is pretty isolated and narrow, and I'm not really buying that he's not following me,
but like I said Im not feeling threatend, so we walk along and talk a little bit
and he explains that he's never been in that Gay bar and all that
he's asking if I do drag at that bar and I explain that I do some as a hobby but
really Im more trans and he asks if Im pre-op or post op and I, feeling pretty
proud of myself say "I'm very pre-op, I just got my letter today" [I'll
get to that little bit of news later] then we enter the parnking ramp entrance
and he gets in the elevator, and again I pause for a second because, well
I had to evaluate the situation, but my sense wass the situation was relatively safe, and
so we start going up to the 6th floor (he pushed 6 first, but my truck actually
was on the 6th floor) and he asks about my breasts I tell him their fake he asks to
see them so why not I pull them out -it's pretty harmless by then he asks to
see under my skirt and I say no, of course and explain I wear a girdle so there's
nothing to see anyways and he's dissapointed and is like "oh"... but that's
such a turn off to me, so the door to the elevator opens and I go one way,
and he with no coat and no car keys goes the other and I'm guessing walked back
to the elevator and then back to the bar to get his coat - but OK a little risky, yes,
but basically I felt I was safe and I was - if I was 50 pounds lighter, if I was
on hormones and physically weaker, if I was more femminine looking in this
specific instance I still would have been safe, but you start thinking -wow walking
back to my truck as a woman is potentially a risky thing to do - and mentally
I'm not quite prepared for assesing risk that way and I had a few beers in me
and thats the next point - I saw someone at the bar (the girl I'd competed
against Wed and while recognizing that I knew her was unable to remember
how I knew her - that was the second time in one day I'd made a mistake
due to alcohol or tried to justify my alcohol use, and the parking ramp
thing counts as 1/2, in that alcohol was a factor in not assessing the situation
and realizing that the guy had followed me out of the bar - which is so
obvious, and critical to assesing the actual risk and proper response)
so, I think I'm drinking too much -I dont think I need to stop,
but Im walking around in a dress and a lot could potentially
happen and I can't really be walking around stupider than I already am
I went to see a friend after her play and meet some of her friends and new
girlfriend and hang out at a dance for a little bit and that was fun, then
I headed over to the Gay90's to see the show, but I didn't really
talk to anyone there except a few people I all ready knew (and one
person I knew but couldn't place and it was really embarrassing )
I got my letter today-I still need tos ee an endroconologist, and as I
explained I'm going to hold off starting on hormones - partly because
I've been in a good mood lately and why take a chance on mucking that up?
It's not all that common when I wake up and go through life basically happy
(which is another reason to moderate the drinking - why drink so much if
you don't need it to be in a good mood?) -but I got the letter and that's
a major milestone in my life and it really does state, honestly that this is my
future - and I'm still trying to get my head around my future life
as a woman
and what that's going to be like and how Im going to make a living and deal
with all the problems and find someone to live the rest of my life with
and all that - but on the one hand the letter is a major milestone in my life and
on the other hand, as I've been joking it's a piece of paper that's gathering dust right
now as I speak
really Im just trying to lay the ground work now - I want to be happy
this time around....
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