-the actual premier is tommorrow, and I want to see it again because
it's pretty moving. My mascara was all messed up by the end,
and that's a good thing...The play is held at the Intermedia Arts
on Lyndale Ave (Minneapolis) and it's more a series of monologues
than a play, but a number of writers and actors are involved so the
range of emotion and the variety of the people is quite good.
I know two of the actors in the play, which makes it all the more fun,
of course, and it's very moving to watch, so yeh it' s a really
good play about gender roles and non-conforming people,
I'm pretty tired though - so I'm calling it a night
Fri morning update - sorry I was so tired I had to get some sleep-
but it was the good kind of tired - so anyways to continue -
I knew two of the performers in the play and they both gave
wonderful perfomances so I had to congratulate them of course,
and one of the performers had some friends of the family show
up (they;d driven up from Missourri just to see the show -
Suprise!!) so I got to watch that and it was kind of wonderful
realy, so I hung out and chatted a little, but listened mostly,
but it was really nice, but then I had to go hone, and I walk
in the back door and start to take off my coat and I realize
I really don't want to undress and take off my makeup and all,
not yet, so I didn't ( I realy never "crossdress" at home - I
dress up and go out and have been undressing in the truck
before I'd get home - this is partly how I kept things secret,
but now that I'm out I don;t really want to play dress up at home,
but I've dressed up, I've come home from a pleasant evening
and I just want to relax and enjoy my outfit - I feel pretty in
it, I'm happy, I feel good about myself, and my firends and
what I'm achieving and what they've achieved, and I just
want to stop and savor the whole thing in the privacy
of my bedroom - that's really not the same thing as having
a Transvestic Fetish - I mean I went out and socialized,
and sure the shiny gold dress and the boots with the 4" heels
and the uber-cute sued leather jacket with the fur trim
are all fun to wear, but it's just a part of it, and a small
part of it - anyways so I did walk around my room
still dressed up and sat down and watched a little TV,
then finally did put away the coat and take off the dress
and the makeup and all that and went back to "normal"
but it occurs to me that if I can't find a job as man, and the
only reason I'm going around being a man is so that I can
make a living, well you see the problem... I wrote this song
a long time ago and that is really what it is about that I'm
trying to live as a man but I can't make it as a man,
and it turns destructive knowing that I can't make it that way:
"honey, where's the pay?"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GBB_CXj6V1o&feature=player_embedded
(I hired John Black to sing and play guitar on this song)
I've been offerred the chance to play my harmonica on a stage at a Gay
event and of course I'll do it, and this is one of the songs I'm going
to play, and what's cool about that is that some of the people in the
audience are going to understand what the song is about - and it
isn't about some stupid Transvestic Fetish, trust me
Now that I am out, and unemployed, if I wind up going broke,
which is probable,
I'm thinking I'm going to try living full-time as a woman for a week
which would be amazing
I'll still look for full-time work, because that is what I believe I should
be doing - but honestly maybe it's really out of my hands and it's
time.
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