in a French Maid outfit - the room was really pretty filthy -I've been working
long hours and leading a double life (mild mannered tech by day, social
butterfly by night, or sort of..) so it's been a while since it's been cleaned.
It feels good to clean the room there's another area I have to clean and I'll start
on it tommorrow - houseworks OK once you get started, I really don't mind it -
but yeh, I should have gotten dressed up for it, sorry -
After hearing about my friend getting beaten up by a security guard at
the K-Mart, in Minneapolis of all places, and listening to the rantings
on the radio against the overturning of Propistion 8 and all the hate
that's out there, I've been a little scared about going out en femme
- it's not all together rational - the risk hasn't changed, but the perception
of risk has changed, and being unemployed and not having enough
money to make it through and taking high risks is not a good combination,
so I'm going to lay low a bit
Having said that, I'm going out tonight to a trans support group and I'm
thinking of entering the Gay90's amateur drag contest tonight again,
and tomorrow I'm seeing a play about people who push the gender boundries
and of course I'll dress up for that and Saturday the cross gender/cross
dressing club meets and that marks my 4th month going out in public,
so I have to make that, but after Sat (oh and Sunday church service and
sitting in with the guy at the coffee shop) but anyways after that I may
only be going out rarely and probably just to the local library to use
their computer ( it gets me out of the house) and to walk the dog
so, at least until I get some money coming in, my out and about
experiences are winding down but I think I achieved a little progress
before life came back to remind me that I really have no choice but to live as a
guy, and I'm going to be stuck living that way for a good long time -
it was fun while it lasted and I'll keep working on getting the letter
and stuff, but getting some money coming in is really essential right now.
Wednesday night update - the trans support group ended early,
I signed up for a ticket for tomorrows show (which is free -yeah)
and might have a gig at a gay festival (double yeah!!! - very cool!!)
but I didn't want to hang around Minneapolis for three hours for the
drag contest to start (and pay for parking, etc) and I'd probably end up spending
money at a gay bar drinking beer (because I'm too fat for any guy to
think I'm sexy enough to buy me a drink) so I stoppeed
over at the church did my volunteer thing, whined about losing my job
(I don't know why I whine about this, but I did - I feel stupid about it
now) and then headed hopme and walked around outside our house
in full dress -taking the mail, taking the garbage out to the curb - and then
walking in to my room using the downstairs door - and my mother was in the
next room with the door open, so - I came out to her a few days ago, and
now she's seen me in drag - from a distance and I didn't approach her -
I took the dog out for a bit and when I came back in she'd gone back
upstairs so I udressed and ungirlied before going upstairs - I don't know,
I'm taking things slow -but there's a difference between being out and
being obnoxious about it I think, or maybe it's just going to seem too
weird standing around in a skirt talking to my mom.
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