I'm just going once a month because that's all I can
afford, and she's very open to LGBT - many of her
clients are. I'm kind of shying away from the gender
issues, but I did mention that I'd recently seen a gender
therapist but it didn't go very well and I wanted to
avoid that for now, and mentioned how I used to
cross dress and planned to resume it -and she seemed
kind of dissappointed that I'm not doing it now -so
for the sake of my own well being and sound mental
health, I got home after work and put on some mascara,
and a bra and panties, and a black silky shirt (it's all I
have right now OK). So I'm lying in bed like that, and
writing this blog, and what the Hell, it's nice actually.
I found the mascara in my truck yesterday - it's my
sisters she must have dropped it a couple weeks ago
when she was visiting. I dropped a snack I was feeding
to my dog, and while looking for it I found the mascara-
and of course I had to try it on - I really like what it
does to my eyes - very nice ( I have really long lashes,
but I'm a strawberry blond so you can't see how long
they are, but the mascara really shows the lashes well).
Of course I'm drunk (hic) I'm celebrating. I think things
are going to be OK, I hope they will, I pray they will,
God I want to get laid (hic) blush, sorry, but my therapist
is right I really, really want and need a relationship - I have
to make this work, anyways I hope this isn't too rambling
I should probably mention the captions - so I'm trying to
build a portfolio of photoshop artwork, and if you've
seen my artwork of captions, I mean I couldn't show that
to anyone - they'd think I was the biggest faggot in the world,
I means seriously you couldn't show this stuff to someone
and expect to be taken seriously (this is funny - I applied
for membership in a meetup group of poetry writers and
got rejected - seriously - I couldn't make that up), so I'm
building a portfolio of artistic work - OK art sucks
(well 90% of it does, but there is some really good
stuff out there, so if you just say art sucks or music
sucks you're right but you're missing the rare exceptional
works that people who appreciate keep looking for - it's
like saying there's no gold in California - for the most
part it's true, but if the other guy finds the mother lode
you look pretty effing stupid saying it). I'm totally off topic
now - so let's see - yeh I joined this group of
digital photographers and the contest this month is May
flowers (yeh I thought about doing a picture of the boat,
and plymouth rock and all too) so I posted the before
picture (I took it last fall -very pretty isn't it) and manipulated
a couple hours ago (back when I was sober) -it's very
dramatic -Caravaggio was the artist who was first known
for these dramatic lighting effects - then I'm throwing in
a recycled caption and putting an end to this trainwreck
of a blog - next time I'll come up with something better, OK?
Take Care
Samantha
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