Re-coming out at an absurd pace

 A couple months ago I did a caption for Jennifer,that I thought was a little too dirty to post

on this site, but I've reconsidered - so warning this one's a little dirty, but it's funny:

in return for which was this caption by Jennifer, in response to my

"Andogyny is cool, too" post - I like this caption, and I'm

pretty sure Jennifer won't mind me using it here (Hi Jennifer!)

here's the link to her site:

http://jenniferstgcaps.blogspot.com/?zx=7a02f1b6b291c1ac

So let's see, my re-coming out as a Gay man continues at it's absurd pace -sigh.

There's this site called meetup ( http://www.meetup.com/ ) that you can join,
and in some areas like Minneapolis, there are some active groups, so I joined
a group of GLBT people who have an interest in theater - and went out to
one of the events - a play in St Paul called "Lesbian Vampiresof Sodom" or
something like that, and yeh, it was different - I didn't get off work until 9:30
and the play was at 11pm, so the other people got together and socialized before
the play, but I just went straight from work to the theater. I did talk to one
of the event organizers for about 2 minutes after the play, but honestly by
12pm on Friday, I'm beat - so I sat there alone, and watched a play for an hour,
then drove home - I know, but I'm trying OK, give me a break, I was tired.

(I have to plug my second play, you know that - so here's the link:
http://catfishbones.blogspot.com/ it's not Gay or anything, sorry, it is a musical, sort of,
but my next play is going to be about a 1930's cross dressing circus star, based on a
true story:  http://bertabeeson.blogspot.com/ of course that one is not Gay either, it's
about a cross dresser, the two are typically not the same -sorry. Yeh, I kind of suck
at being Gay, but you've probably figured that out.)

 I saw the HD Live at the MET OPERA  broadcast at noon today, and that was good.
"Iphingenie en Tauride" by Gluck.  Susan Graham, who's kind of really sexy, with a
powerful low mezzo-voice was the star, and Placido Domingo played Oreste.
Oreste is seriously Gay and madly in love with Pylade and they want to be together,
and all that - I mean honestly I'm watching this thinking this is Gayer than "Lesbian
Vampires of Sodom" .  Musically it is really good, the pacing is pretty slow though,
but the relationship between Oreste and Pylade is clearly a homosexual relation,
so I thought that was cool.

I didn't go out tonight because funds are pretty tight right now,
but I plan on going to a church tomorrow morning that is pretty supportive
of the GLBT community.  I've been thinking church might be helpful, but
I don't want to hear about how evil I am and all that, so I'll see what this
hippy church is like.  Then I'll  go out  and play one of the local
jams and that's my weekend - sigh.

I decided there's no way I can post the before picture of how I looked before
I started my diet -it's just too depressing, but I went on-line to a site that lets
you apply makeup online to your picture - which I did - so this is what I'd
look like in makeup right now ( http://www.taaz.com/ )

I know I need to lose weight, but I'm working on it.
I'll lose another 20 or 30 pounds and repost this and the difference should
be pretty noticable.  If you do feel compelled to comment on how I look,
like Elvis said "Don't be Cruel", OK, please.  Thanks, I'm working on it,
but let me know what you think in the poll - I'm interested what you
think of this look (the poll is right below here)

General Status

Hey,

If there's some artwork or something you like, or would like to see, or whatever,
free to post a comment - anyways....

So I got the DVD/CD on "Finding your Female Voice"
http://www.genderlife.com/top-videos/finding-your-female-voice-dvd-audio-cd-pdf-workbook/
just took a couple days to get here, it's about a hour and a half DVD, and a companion CD
with all the exercises plus theres a PDF booklet you download from there site, so it's pretty
comprehensive, and it looks well done - I'll post some results in couple months because this is
something you work at an hour a day for several months to get results - but Yeah! it's here!
(I went with the extra money for quicker delivery so it was like $31 including delivery)
I felt so stupid using my male voice in therapy, trying to talk about how I felt inside and using
this stupid male voice -it was absurd.-I'm not  clown, and I'm not gonna let anyone turn
me into a f**king joke, so I'll work on how to talk in a way that sounds right for what I'm
trying to say - it makes sense actually. 

I'm pretty close to posting some pictures of my man-self, kind of the standard
before and after pictures - I've lost 45 pounds now, so it has a huge effect on the way
I look and the way people treat me. The problem with being a cross-dresser will be
pretty obvious, because, I'm really not fat right now, but I have a lot of muscle, some
fat, and a broader skelatal frame - so I look like a guy  (yuck).

I've been exercising and dieting for 7 months, and losing 7 pounds per month, and getting
in condition (I work out aerobically 2 hours per day/ 7 days per week -( yeh some
days it sucks)). The machines say I burn 1800 calories per workout.
I'll just keep at it until I start looking good in a dress - I'll get there, trust me.

I'm still in school full-time, looking to graduate in May, I may go back for more next
August, I may not - I'd like to, but I don't think I could afford it.  I'm going to apply
for a loan, just to see if I can get one - but let's be honest our government wants
people like me to die silently -they sure as Hell aren't there to help.

Still working part-time nights during the week, so I get done with school, work out
2 hours, take the dog for a walk, then go to work, do that 5 days per week, and
time goes by pretty quick - not that I ever have any time for anything, but I'd rather
be busy than thinking about things - thinking is a little dangerous right now - so I'm
keeping busy - I'll get through this patch -it's tough, but I'm gettng through and there's
no time to think about it, and nothing you could do about it anyways, so screw it -
it is what it is.

My re-coming out as a Gay man continues at it's absurd pace. I was out when I

was in college, but it was all so casual that it was really repulsive - I want a relationship,
somebody I care about.  It's frustrating, because there's so much I'd like to do and
and feel and give, and it would be with a man, so it's like I'm stuck with the gay-route
but the Gay scene is totally repulsive - I'm looking around thinking "how can you
do stuff like that?" - so I'm being pretty cautious, but I am out there, available, and
talking and trying to make friends and meet someone special, it's all a little awkward
and scary.  On the plus side, a do get a tingle when a guy touches me, so it's
not completely hopeless, it's just going to take time, sigh.

Anyways I'm just getting back into the blogging after my hiatus, so cut me a little slack,
the next post won't suck so bad - I promise.

PS - here's the link to my last play -there are 8 songs, the first 4 songs are professionally
recorded - I think they're worth listening to if you have the time and inclination:
http://catfishbones.blogspot.com/

We'll just see what happens, OK

Hey,

So once again there's a blizzard coming - I went out to the Gay 90's last night to

catch the show, but I really wasn't into it, I just wanted to get out one night

before the blizzard comes - they're predicting 12" Sunday.  I was going to

my first PFLAG meeting in the afternoon, but it's probably going to be

cancelled due to the storm (I didn't go -it's snowing pretty good right now) 

So I've been going to Gay bars, but really nothings happened, and it doesn't

look like anythings going to happen anytime soon (I haven't even kissed a

guy yet -sigh) so I dunno, it's all kind of like that.  [I don't mean it like that -

get serious - but I did pull back from all that casual stuff a long time ago, hoping

to meet someone special, and it never happened, and there's been no one

for a very long time, and I just can't be alone like this, so if hanging out in

bars is what it's going to take, well.... I hate it, but what choice is there?]

 I decided to cancel therapy sessions after going to four sessions.  It really

did not go well - I wound up getting anxiety attacks after the last couple sessions,

but I was so happy for a couple weeks after the first session, that at least I know

I can feel that happy, it's not that I always have to be down, it's this stupid situation

I'm stuck in that's the problem. So, I e-mailed my therapist and said that I was

just going to go with her preliminary diagnosis of me being a cross-dresser.  Which is fine -

I'm estactic about it - I'm a cross-dresser!! Well that's OK, it could be worse.

So now that it's official, I have to actually get some dresses, and girly stuff like that (yeh,

that does sound kind of odd - doesn't it? -shh- don't say anything)

Money's really tight right now, but I'm making a wish list.  It is kind of exciting actually.

I went ahead and ordered a DVD on finding your feminine voice for about $30, now,

I'm all excited about getting that in mail but it'll be a couple weeks -sigh.

So I got this new hobby - working on presenting myself as a good looking cross dresser,

and I'll be a little busy with that and school and part-time work and everything so I really

don't know how often I will be posting here, but we'll just see what happens, OK?

On the dieting - sometime this week I will have officially lost 50 pounds - which is a lot

honestly.  I'm  thinking it will take 65 to 80 pounds before I will be presentable, but

of course, money is still a problem, even when I ditch the weight.

PS, I went ahead and posted my last play here:

http://catfishbones.blogspot.com/

this is the full play with recordings of all the songs - it takes an enormous amount of time

and effort to write a play, so if anyone does take the time to read it and comment on it,

that'd mean a lot to me, I mean even if you think it sucks, just that you took the time would

be encouraging.

PPS - Hey Jennifer, you still read this?

Final Edition - Hail and Farewell

Well how about one more song from my last play - I wrote it, and hired someone
to record it. I thought it came out pretty good

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kCG8CjC_qJc


This is the Final Edition of Transformative Honeymoons.
The lack of comments has been a disappointment, and
I've moved on to a new course of action that does not leave
me with time for this blog. 

But, it was fun for awhile, and I prize the on-line connection
I made with Jennifer who runs Jennifers TG Caps of Defiance:
 http://jenniferstgcaps.blogspot.com/?zx=6e63229c547ce702
She is actually a very nice person, and her comments were
always fun and supportive.  She also has the unique honor of
being the only person to comment on my work.  There were
38,278 page views to this blog, and exactly one person was
there to offer me encouragement in her comments.  So
Jennifer is like 1 in 38,278, like winning the lottery.
Thank you.

So here's my top (5) favorite caps from this site:

This is my favorite caption -
I'm starting a blog about plays and the circus:
http://bertabeeson.blogspot.com/
but I'll warn you, it is not a trans site

This cap was a trade in Rachels Haven to Jennifer

I just love the boots



I've lost 35 pounds officially, there's a way to go

 Based of traffic, the top five posts were:

Wedding Pictures
http://transformative-honeymoons.blogspot.com/2010/12/wedding-pictures.html

Androgenous is Cool Too          (which I misspelled)
http://transformative-honeymoons.blogspot.com/2011/01/androgenous-is-cool-too.html

A Cabin North of Duluth
http://transformative-honeymoons.blogspot.com/2010/12/cabin-north-of-duluth.html

A Girl Could Get Hurt This Way
http://transformative-honeymoons.blogspot.com/2010/12/girl-could-get-hurt-this-way.html


A Rare Behind the Scenes Look at Transformative Honeymoons
http://transformative-honeymoons.blogspot.com/2010/12/rare-behind-scenes-look-at.html

My own personal favorite top 5 are different, Here's my list:

#1 - How to Survive a Blizzard
http://transformative-honeymoons.blogspot.com/2010/12/how-to-survive-blizzard.html

#2 - A Little Thing, Like a Kiss
http://transformative-honeymoons.blogspot.com/2010/12/little-thing-like-kiss.html

#3 - The Princess of Punch
http://transformative-honeymoons.blogspot.com/2010/12/princess-of-punch.html

#4 - Bailley's on Ice
http://transformative-honeymoons.blogspot.com/2010/12/baileys-on-ice.html

#5 - A Hat Trick!
http://transformative-honeymoons.blogspot.com/2010/12/hat-trick.html

The site had over 1000 page views on 9 days, with a peak one day of 1,806.
typically it averaged around 600-800 per day, but when I tried to switch to
once per week, traffic collapsed, so yeh, you, me, we're all tired of this blog.

I'm going to leave you then with a poem by Robert Lax.from Circus Days
and Nights, pg 105

Then we talked about talking.
It was good, Mogador said,
to talk thus
"Whatever is withheld is lost.
Whatever we give away,
whatever we throw away,
what we disburden ourselves of
is profit to us.
We keep giving things away,
throwing them out
like old chairs out of a house;
keep destroying
until
we can destroy
no more."

"Because what is left
is indestructable"
I said

PS- typically a caption takes me an hour or two, and posters take me
two or three hours. If you really were looking for a "clean" caption or some artwork
by Samantha1, I could do it at a pretty reasonable rate, say $20/hr and I'd be
very sympathetic to LGBT themes.  Send an email to samanthastevens1@live.com
same thing if you have an interest in my last or my next play which I'll develop
on my new blog: http://bertabeeson.blogspot.com/  This will not be a trans blog,
it's a blog about playwriting and Circus stuff with occasional trans stuff
thrown in.

PPS - Adios Amigos!

Special Musical Edition

thanks Rachel

Transformative Honeymoons new MTF/FTM Language Converter - Beta Version
female word:   OOPS!                  male word:  D'OH!
Note: sometimes this Beta version doesn't allow you to enter new words (OOPS!)

So this is the Special Musical Edition - be sure to scroll down to the link for the
song "Becky on the Road"

1.)Rachel of Rachels Haven did the top cap -and it is really nice, so it gets top billing,
'cuz it's way cool

2.) I did the Second on for Jennifer (Jennifer's TG Caps of Defiance)  so you might have
all ready seen it, if not, it may make more sense if you view the cap Jennifer did for
Trisha (Dec 31st) [I wanted my copy autographed, so that's been added]

3., 4, and 5) Are just general silliness, the girl I did the drag race cap for said she liked it,
so that's nice

6.) and this one I redid, just because I think this badge is really fun

Stacy Wilderness will be on Vacation this week - there's just not enough space - sorry

So like I've said several times in this Blog, I have written two full length musicals, and am
considering writing a full length play (not  a musical this time) about Herbert Beeson
a famous High Wire Artist who performed "En Femme".  Here is a poster of
Mr. Beeson, who performed as Berta Beeson, a Center Ring Star:
(refer to the November post Herbert Beeson, the story, the play for more information
about Herbert Beeson)

                    "Life is on the wire,
                                                           the rest is just waiting"  

                                                  Karl Wallenda (the Flying Wallendas)

It was several years ago, but I have performed in amateur circuses in front of crowds of
approx 1000 people - which is a thrill.  I have studied tight wire and a variety
of other circus arts, and consider myself "Circus",

OK, so obviously we're going to have to modernize Bertas' outfit. That will be my next
weeks post if I get that far (I know, I know so I'm writing a play, what's the first priority:
 "oh that dress honey", it's like I'm the stereotype, but seriously the dress is important to
a writer, because it effects how I picture the artist)

My last play was about my experiences as a failing Blues musician, and some of those
frustrations as I realized that Music will not be my life.  Music, and especially the Blues
have always been the one ray of hope, I mean I was stuck being a man, and I'd sort of
made peace with that, and I could find a job, but I was stuck in these total dead-end jobs,
and I'm just not very aggressive or outgoing,  but I took it as far as I could.

I was in a couple bands, and on a couple recordings, and played bars and stuff like that.
I gave it a shot, but it's over, and I really felt I needed to write about it - not 100%
acccurate, but accurate to some of the feelings of the Blues, and the feeling of being a
struggling musician.   I needed to document this part of me. That is what my last play is
 really about.

I actually made enough money from a Fellowship, for the first Musical, that I was able to
experience the thrill of living as a playwright full-time for several months. Which was fun.
When I wrote my Second Musical, I formed a business (an LLC technically) to promote it. 
I also entered in the Fringe Festival Lottery (wrong ping-pong ball), hired a talented
musician to record a few of the songs, purchased the software I thought I'd need ( including
Photoshop). I was pretty serious about this. 

I have sent out enough scripts to know there is not  interest in this play.
So, it's time to move on (sigh). Friday, I went to the bank and closed my business
account, and found out I had an extra $100.00 I didn't know about. I bought some guy
clothes that fit, and put $20.00 of gas in the truck with the money, and yeh - I'm sitting
pretty, at least until tommorow.

The musician I hired is a really talented and a very sweet, straight guy, who would not
know about any of this weird stuff I'm into.  He's just some musician I hired. He was
paid for his work, I own the copyrights to the play and the songs - but the performer
on this track is not me.

SO OK, ENOUGH BS!
Let's hear the song all ready

                                                      here's the artwork I did for this song:

The song starts of with a brief spoken introduction. This is the start of the play.
A Blues Musician is performing in a coffee shop, so he is singing this song
to introduce himself to the audience.  I think Becky is actually how I picture
my life if I'd been a woman (still fucked up, but in a more understandable way)

There are two versions of the play, a full length version, and a one-hour excerpt
(which would be easier (less costly) to produce).  In the full play this song
comes right after the intermission and serves to recap what happened in the
first and second act.  In the one hour play, this song serves to introduce
the audience to the main character, and this is the very start
of the play - he is playing his music in a coffee shop. Becky doesn't appear in the
one-hour play, but has an important role in the full play (that is one of the
weakness of the one hour play so I learned: man + woman=audience interest
no man+woman dynamic =no interest, well duh, Samantha).

Hope you enjoy this.










THIS WEEK IN THE NEWS:
Bert Blyleven, Hall of Fame! As if there was any doubt - very cool.

As a refugee from the totalitarian regime of Chicago, and proud emigree to America,
it is unfortunate that the son of the Pharoah, the brother of the Pharoah, should gain
the ear of our leader.  As one who has fled Egypt for the land of milk and honey that
is America, I can only pray that this Pharoah son is not another Pharoah,  that this
Daley is not another Daley.    Very Scary.

EDITORIAL BY SAMANTHA

I've been doing some thinking lately about what is embarrassing, and I've reached some
conclusions.  In my last several jobs, I let my employers push me around, and ignore me
and my needs as a human being ( a person -someone who wants and needs to interact
with other people as a person).  Conclusion #1 -That was profoundly embarrassing,
and I can't let that happen again to that extent. Embarassing?  That was embarassing.

I really do think about being a woman, or becoming a woman or passing as a woman
a lot, and would like to make some significant effort to see how far I could take that,
without causing any harm or irreverisible damage to myself - surgergy means a nose
job or electrolyis - drugs means a glass of Bailey's or a Guiness, a pretty dress
means a pretty dress.  I love pretty dresses and want to talk to a Gender Therapist
about this.  Is that embarrassing, yes, but conclusion #2 - a GT is a good idea, and
I need to get over this embarassment and make the call. Today I made that contact.

Is it embarrassing that I want to be healthy and attractive, and want someone to be
interested in me, and that I have sexual and emotional desires, and that I want to please
someone, or make them laugh, or enjoy my company?  Honestly, a little, but I'm playing
the cards God dealt me. The main reason I'm not out is because I'm not comfortable
with my weight (I've lost 40 pounds now).  I'm through being a person impersonator
(like Michelle Bachman or similar oddities).  If someone finds out this about me, they
should support me, and it will be awkward for them. I'm cool with that. I understand.
If someone is on my side, that is important. That is what life is about - real people,
including myself, trying to make genuine connections, being as honest as possible,
and making mistakes, and that's conclusion #3. I'm probably facing some
embarassing and ultimately unavoidable things, that I'm just going to have to accept.



PS- Somebody Googled "Duluth Honeymoons" and got directed to this site - once I've
finished laughing, I will change the description at the end of future Stacy Wilderness reports,
to avoid the Duluth reference, as much as possible.  I'm sorry, but it is very funny.

PPS - It looks like I may have found a part-time job.  Which is cool, it keeps the wolves
away from the door -  the wolves that are after what's in my purse, not the
wolves that are after.... well you know what you guys are after

Next post -next Sunday, let me get settled in to my new schedule with classes and the
part-time job

Androgenous is Cool too

I posted the 3 caps for Pink Panther back when my traffic was  a couple views a week,
so I wanted to let more people look at it - I think it is fun.

Round 1

Day 13 of the Honeymoon, continued, part 4

By field reporter Stacy Wilderness

So Sam’s all calmed down, we talked, everything’s cool, I’ve

got to mind my p’ and q’s, but I’m still on the job. Call me later, girl, we’ll talk

Meanwhile, day 13, and where was I?  Oh yes, I remember…

So we kiss, very nice. Very brief, but nice, I still feel

how his lips pressed against mine, feel his firm grip on my

shoulder, to steady me? No, this little peck won’t cause me swoon, silly boy. But nice, I feel warm, I open my eyes and

look into those large blue eyes of his, so earnest, So caring,

so vulnerable.  I can’t match his gaze, so open, he doesn’t understand.  I drop my gaze, then look up again into his

eyes, like a childs’, staring at a comet, I am like a

surgeon behind the mask, or a writer in a café, or a poet. 

I look into his eyes, and blush, He is in love, his love pure, unbounded. I see that, I know that, I understand, but he loves me, and I am a woman. He does not know why I blush, he does

not understand.

 

I remember the glasses. Two glasses of Bailey’s, one in each hand. I raise the right for my husband to take from my hand.

Of course I serve him.  A Lady serves her husband. She lets

him  drink,she watches, she waits.  and so I raise his glass,

And coyly smile when he takes his drink. His hand brushes

Mine when he takes the glass. Deliberate? Accidental? I’m not sure.Interesting, is he playing games?  I wonder this and

watch him raise the glass to his lips and take a sip of Bailey’s.  He smiles, and sets it down on the table beside

him. Surprisingly, He then reaches for my glass too. He’s

caught me off guard.  I hadn’t expected that. It’s my glass,

I was looking forward to drinking it. 

Ah! I see know, preparation, he’s laying the groundwork,

making plans, playing Games. He plans to kiss me! Well of

course, dear boy, but let’s not make this too easy. His

hand reaches toward my glass. I turn away objecting,

“no! mine”.  His hand wraps over my wrist and pulls

my arm to him, I resist, but lightly (to not spill my

drink, of course), I let him overpower me, let him reach

over with his free hand and take my glass.  He releases

me brusquely,  from his grip,and sets my glass beside his.

I stand there looking mad, oh, I am having fun, in my

pretty little skirt and blouse, all pouty, my face all

flushed, tingling, waiting. This time, I do not have long

to wait. This time he is in control. Dan reaches his arm

behind the small of my back and pulls me to him.  I am

pressed up against him, feeling the strength

of his grasp, feeling the stirrings of his manhood against

my hips, the compression of my breasts against his chest. 

Our lips meet.  A hand reaches under my hair and presses

my skull to him.  I struggle in this grasp, but briefly

and soon yield completely. I can feel his pulse, the

warmth of his flesh, his sweat. I know he feels my pulse

too, it is much quicker than his, I am much warmer, I moan,

I didn’t mean to, it slipped out, this is how I like it,

Dan knows that. Again I moan, and gasp “Dan!” Some Angel.

We kiss, I run my hands through his hair, trace his broad shoulders, and gasp.  His tongue enters me, and I accept it,

let my lips conform to it, let my tongue meet his,

probing it, teasing it, gasping, he pulls me tighter, I try

to match his strength, pull myself into him, harder, and he releases me. and I stand there unsteady, frazzled, my skirt

and blouse all askew, I run my hands down my hips to smooth

the wrinkles, it is hopeless.  Dan stands there, chuckling,

he picks up his glass of Bailey’s and takes a sip. 

Deliberately, he then hands the glass to me.  I accept it

and take a sip.  Tonight, Round One Goes to Dan.

As a Special Feature, Transformative-Honeymoons recently hired

field reporter Stacy Wilderness to provide live action reporting

of her honeymoon, which took place Wednesday, December 15th, at

the Coppertop Church  (First United Methodist) overlooking

the lake in Duluth, MN.

So  I'm making some progress I think. This will sound completely silly, but I've decided
there is absolutely no reason for me not to sleep in a panties and  bra, if I want to,
so, that's what I've been doing, and I don't know, it's kind of nice actually.
I suppose someone could find out, but it's really hard to take that too seriously,
It's high on the list of so what, as I see it.

As I've been working of a girly voice, and just by trying different voices, I've realized
that I've been pulling down my natural voice by at least a half step, maybe a whole
step to sound more "manly".  Which causes a strain on my voice.
So I'm raising the pitch of my natural voice, to remove some strain on my
vocal cords, and allowing my voice to project better.  The result is a voice
that is more androgenous, which I am really comfortable with, it's more natural.

I also found a link on the Trannsgender Daze site for a male vs female
walking simulator (be sure to click the "lines" radio button)
http://www.biomotionlab.ca/Demos/BMLwalker.html
and again, I practiced the girly walk a bit, but what was really striking was the
androgenous 50/50 walk.  Again it seems like a good all purpose
comfortable walk, So I've been adopting that, and it's something you do
in public, I mean what the hell it's how people walk.
So that's my latest  kick- studying androgeny, and practicing androgenous
walking and talking in public and having absolutely no embarassment doing
this, it's like completely normal and acceptable, as I see it.

So, I'll planning in my next post to start including a playwriting section,
that will include plays and music I've written or am working on.  I think
every play I write has a significant gender issue, so it is not really off subject
to a website about Transformation, as I see it.  There will still be captions
at the top of the blog, followed by a Stacy Wilderness report, then a brief
update of how I'm doing, then an exerpt from a play, with a you-tube link
to include a recording, if there is a song involved (I write plays and musicals).
Skip it if your not into it, but I'd hope you'll see this as significantly
improving my blog -that's how I see it

This will be additional, but because it will take more time, I will be

posting on a once per week basis (Sundays only). 

PS -well the Vikes season is over, that's about all you can say about that.

PPS-the play I'll be posting has some professional recordings, that I paid
my own money for, and I really put a lot of work into this.  It's interesting.

A Little Thing Like a Kiss

So, if you read this blog and don't just look at the pictures, you
won'tbe suprised to find out I have a little cold today.  Why? I can't
imagine. I did work out, but it wasn't fun.
I've been thinking of ditching the Stacy Wilderness stuff,
but it's good writing practice,so here's one last gasp for 2010.
Enjoy.



A Little Thing, Like a Kiss
Day 13 of the Honeymoon, continued, part 3
By field reporter Stacy Wilderness


So apparently, the editor of Transformative-Honeymoons is not
too happy with sweet little Stacy Wilderness. Even on my
Honeymoon, I still check my e-mails, especially from my boss,
and yeh, she’s not a happy camper.

(Of course we have email at the cabin up north of Duluth, what,
you think I wave down a passing moose and duct tape these
articles to his antlers? We have email, everyone has email).

It can really be annoying checking your emails on your
Honeymoon, especially if it’s from Samantha, but as a field
reporter, it’s part of my job. I check my emails, and this one
is a doozy. Samantha says she’s tired of being girly-girl, so
now I have to pick up the slack and be more passionate about my
descriptions, especially about when Dan kisses me. Dan and I
are still chuckling about Samantha not being girly-girl, but
she’s a smart girl, give her time, she’ll figure it out.

But in the meantime I have to put up with her being a, well it
rhymes with stitch. So let’s hit the rewind button and go back
to me bringing Dan his drink, after I’ve finished the dishes.

So the skirts a little flouncy, and I’m swaying my hips and
The hem is kind of swaying nicely with my steps, it makes a very,
very soft swish, the heels click on the wood floor, swish,
click, swish, click…very tiny steps, with my feet almost inline,
almost heel to toe, not quite, but this is not an efficient way
to walk, nobody walks this way, unless they’ve practiced, and
nobody’s practiced, unless they want to excite a man. Well
let’s be honest, right now, I want to excite a man.

I’m kind of watching my heels as I walk. Watching the skirt sway,
And so my eyes are not on Dan. I know he’s watching me, admiring
me, undressing me in his mind, and I blush, but I do not look up.
His eyes are so intense, I’d lose track of everything.
No I look down, at me heels, at my skirt. Holding his drink and
my drink, one in each hand, my hands down at my sides, as if for
balance. But I know when I’m close enough, I see his feet.
He looks at me, silently, I feel his gaze, like a fire. I look
at his feet, and blush. I close my eyes and lean forward, it is
awkward leaning forward with your eyes closed, wearing heels.
It would not be gallant of Dan if I fell flat on my face and
broke my pretty nose. He’s there, he won’t let that happen,
I know that. But it is awkward, and posed like that, tipping
forward, my eyes closed, my lips pursed, waiting, waiting for
what seems like a very long time before Dan puts one hand on my
shoulder, giving me support. The other hand brushes my cheek,
and I can feel the discharge of static electricity (funny, I
didn’t know wood floors built up static charges, but they must).
He leans forward, I feel the breath from his nostrils on my cheeks
I smell his scent, he is very, very close to me. Even with my
eyes closed I can tell, he is not an inch from me. His lips a
mere fraction from me, the warmth of his face, I can feel. His
breath wafts across my nose my cheeks, my lips. I breath his
breaths, share his air, we are so close. My lips pursed, my
pulse quickens, my eyes closed, I wait. And finally his lips press
against mine. I yield to him, sighing, drawing air in from his
lungs, warm, moist air through pursed lips. My mind studies the
exquisite curves and contours of his lips, they are warm, full
lips. Full and soft, like mine, but different somehow. It is
hard not to study these differences, when you are kissing your man.
You should try it sometime Samantha! Oh Heavens, I think my
Cell phone battery is dea…


As a Special Feature, Transformative-Honeymoons recently hired
field reporter Stacy Wilderness to provide live action reporting
of her honeymoon, which took place Wednesday, December 15th, at
the Coppertop Church (First United Methodist) overlooking
the lake in Duluth, MN.

PS - she is so fired!

PPS-I'll going to just blog once a week from now on, probably on Saturdays.