General Status

Hey,

If there's some artwork or something you like, or would like to see, or whatever,
free to post a comment - anyways....

So I got the DVD/CD on "Finding your Female Voice"
http://www.genderlife.com/top-videos/finding-your-female-voice-dvd-audio-cd-pdf-workbook/
just took a couple days to get here, it's about a hour and a half DVD, and a companion CD
with all the exercises plus theres a PDF booklet you download from there site, so it's pretty
comprehensive, and it looks well done - I'll post some results in couple months because this is
something you work at an hour a day for several months to get results - but Yeah! it's here!
(I went with the extra money for quicker delivery so it was like $31 including delivery)
I felt so stupid using my male voice in therapy, trying to talk about how I felt inside and using
this stupid male voice -it was absurd.-I'm not  clown, and I'm not gonna let anyone turn
me into a f**king joke, so I'll work on how to talk in a way that sounds right for what I'm
trying to say - it makes sense actually. 

I'm pretty close to posting some pictures of my man-self, kind of the standard
before and after pictures - I've lost 45 pounds now, so it has a huge effect on the way
I look and the way people treat me. The problem with being a cross-dresser will be
pretty obvious, because, I'm really not fat right now, but I have a lot of muscle, some
fat, and a broader skelatal frame - so I look like a guy  (yuck).

I've been exercising and dieting for 7 months, and losing 7 pounds per month, and getting
in condition (I work out aerobically 2 hours per day/ 7 days per week -( yeh some
days it sucks)). The machines say I burn 1800 calories per workout.
I'll just keep at it until I start looking good in a dress - I'll get there, trust me.

I'm still in school full-time, looking to graduate in May, I may go back for more next
August, I may not - I'd like to, but I don't think I could afford it.  I'm going to apply
for a loan, just to see if I can get one - but let's be honest our government wants
people like me to die silently -they sure as Hell aren't there to help.

Still working part-time nights during the week, so I get done with school, work out
2 hours, take the dog for a walk, then go to work, do that 5 days per week, and
time goes by pretty quick - not that I ever have any time for anything, but I'd rather
be busy than thinking about things - thinking is a little dangerous right now - so I'm
keeping busy - I'll get through this patch -it's tough, but I'm gettng through and there's
no time to think about it, and nothing you could do about it anyways, so screw it -
it is what it is.

My re-coming out as a Gay man continues at it's absurd pace. I was out when I

was in college, but it was all so casual that it was really repulsive - I want a relationship,
somebody I care about.  It's frustrating, because there's so much I'd like to do and
and feel and give, and it would be with a man, so it's like I'm stuck with the gay-route
but the Gay scene is totally repulsive - I'm looking around thinking "how can you
do stuff like that?" - so I'm being pretty cautious, but I am out there, available, and
talking and trying to make friends and meet someone special, it's all a little awkward
and scary.  On the plus side, a do get a tingle when a guy touches me, so it's
not completely hopeless, it's just going to take time, sigh.

Anyways I'm just getting back into the blogging after my hiatus, so cut me a little slack,
the next post won't suck so bad - I promise.

PS - here's the link to my last play -there are 8 songs, the first 4 songs are professionally
recorded - I think they're worth listening to if you have the time and inclination:
http://catfishbones.blogspot.com/