Sunday, February 20, 2011

We'll just see what happens, OK



Hey,

So once again there's a blizzard coming - I went out to the Gay 90's last night to
catch the show, but I really wasn't into it, I just wanted to get out one night
before the blizzard comes - they're predicting 12" Sunday.  I was going to
my first PFLAG meeting in the afternoon, but it's probably going to be
cancelled due to the storm (I didn't go -it's snowing pretty good right now) 

So I've been going to Gay bars, but really nothings happened, and it doesn't
look like anythings going to happen anytime soon (I haven't even kissed a
guy yet -sigh) so I dunno, it's all kind of like that.  [I don't mean it like that -
get serious - but I did pull back from all that casual stuff a long time ago, hoping
to meet someone special, and it never happened, and there's been no one
for a very long time, and I just can't be alone like this, so if hanging out in
bars is what it's going to take, well.... I hate it, but what choice is there?]

 I decided to cancel therapy sessions after going to four sessions.  It really
did not go well - I wound up getting anxiety attacks after the last couple sessions,
but I was so happy for a couple weeks after the first session, that at least I know
I can feel that happy, it's not that I always have to be down, it's this stupid situation
I'm stuck in that's the problem. So, I e-mailed my therapist and said that I was
just going to go with her preliminary diagnosis of me being a cross-dresser.  Which is fine -
I'm estactic about it - I'm a cross-dresser!! Well that's OK, it could be worse.

So now that it's official, I have to actually get some dresses, and girly stuff like that (yeh,
that does sound kind of odd - doesn't it? -shh- don't say anything)
Money's really tight right now, but I'm making a wish list.  It is kind of exciting actually.
I went ahead and ordered a DVD on finding your feminine voice for about $30, now,
I'm all excited about getting that in mail but it'll be a couple weeks -sigh.

So I got this new hobby - working on presenting myself as a good looking cross dresser,
and I'll be a little busy with that and school and part-time work and everything so I really
don't know how often I will be posting here, but we'll just see what happens, OK?

On the dieting - sometime this week I will have officially lost 50 pounds - which is a lot
honestly.  I'm  thinking it will take 65 to 80 pounds before I will be presentable, but
of course, money is still a problem, even when I ditch the weight.
PS, I went ahead and posted my last play here:
this is the full play with recordings of all the songs - it takes an enormous amount of time
and effort to write a play, so if anyone does take the time to read it and comment on it,
that'd mean a lot to me, I mean even if you think it sucks, just that you took the time would
be encouraging.

PPS - Hey Jennifer, you still read this?

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