Transformative Honeymoons

Going out of Business -again

Well like I said I'd give it a try and see what happened - it didn't work out.

I decided to leave the blog up - but I'm not going to be posting in April-
that's definite, and I don't know if there will be any posts after that.

UPDATE:
I  should probably elaborate a little - back in the fall, I left a pretty lucrative position where
I had steady employment and benefits and health care and all that, but I felt so trapped,
and everybody feels trapped I know that, but not like that.  I needed to make some
significant changes, so I put together a plan to try and change things to make my life
more livable.  One of the points I have been talking about obviously is how I feel that
I really need to integrate my femminity into my life - I continue to work at that - it is
very difficult for me - I do genuinely believe though that my happiness and surviveability
reguires that I figure out how to make this reality - I don't think I am really talking about
SRS or HRT or anything like that, I am talking about being more effeminate than most
guys, and finding some friends who wouldn't mind if, in my free time, I wanted to spend
my time being pretty girly, and dressing up and all that silly stuff, but it's a free country
(or so I'm told by people who are trying to correct that) and when I put put on a dress,
I really honestly do not want to hurt you, or destroy the Constitution or wreck the moral
and social code, or burn down your house or anything, trust me - I just want to look
like I feel inside, which is exactly the way 50% of all Americans feel (i.e. most women).

Believe it or not, I really do not want to make you uncomfortable. I know it does,
and I'm sorry, but it's not all about you, any more than every thing is about me - and
that's not where I am at on this. 

That is also not where most cross-dressers are coming from, and believe it or not most
cross-dressers are not Gay, they just are really, really attracted to woman, and would
like to be like them - well I'd go along with that, but , honestly I'd like to meet a guy on a
date, kiss, hold hands, walk in the moonlight, maybe do a little bit more in private room,
that'd be really nice, try and build a life together with someone I care about..... I have
become convinced that when Jesus looks in my soul and sees this, and He sees what I have
been thru to keep this dream in my heart, He'll probably figure out some way to forgive me,
on this one. 

Anyways, I am finishing up with school in early May, and I really desperateley need to find
a good job - in a way this is a turning point for me - I can talk about how I took control
of my career, got more current technical training and picked an area that I find more
interesting and have more specific knowledge in, got more active and lost 50 pounds
working out, have been working on my socializiation skills some  (I still need
help here, but I'm working on it) - seriously there is a lot I offer an employer -
engineering degree and project experience, current (albeit only 1 year) technical
training, CAD skills, budgeting, estimating, and even in my free time on this blogs
things like Photoshop, and general writing skills, I mean if they can get past that I'm
kind of effeminate,  I've actually made some of past employers a lot of money.
I guess that's a matter of what's important, because, really I'd be a lousy hunting
buddy or golf partner -- but if you want to go the theater or the opera or down
town to the drag show ( probably not, huh).   I like making money for people,
I just wish they didn't feel so compelled to take advantage of me when they
start to figure out how really effeminate I am inside- that's not right, but I'm
trying to change that - and with a new career, hopefully it  will - but I really
need a position and not just for the money, or for what it offers me in terms of
new dresses, and heels and wigs and stuff (which is all very tantalizing -I'm not
going to even try to deny that) but I really do need to feel like my life is
useful to society - and I've made huge personel sacrifices in the past to some really
crappy people in order to be employed in engineering jobs -and plain
and simple, employed engineers and technical people create jobs and keep people
employed, say what you will about me personally. 

So, I need to focus on looking for work - I need to focus on presenting myself
effectively and honestly in the professional world (and that does not mean acting
like a sissy, or advertizing these things that are after all private matters, but it does
mean not hiding who I really am today) and that is going to make finding a position harder
- but it also makes that position that much more valuable, more worthwhile - working
for someone who is on the right side of this important issue (regardlesss of their
personal orientation -which I could care less about).

so, that's where I'm at,
It's a matter of priorities, of focus, of trying to transform my life really
I need to put my energies else where right now.

Take Care

PS - Thanks Jennifer, I'll still read your blog of course, but I asked for the Stacy
folder to be deleted - I'm kind of thinking of taking any future caption I do in the
direction of "art posters" with poetry and abstract images and of course a pretty
girl some where in the picture.  But right now I'm trying to arrange interviews
and finish up school.