Transformative Honeymoons

I didn't actually go out Halloween. Since it was a monday and
I'd gone out dressed up Friday, Saturday, and all day Sunday
I had guy stuff I had to take care of - so I returned the costume
and then picked up my dog and bought some guy clothes - I've
noticed that every thing I wear is way too big.  I think I'm actually
a size 16 in womans clothes and I started off a couple weeks ago
buying size 20 so you know what my body image is (I'm too fat!
I am, but it's not nearly as bad as I think it is-I'm trying to work
through this,because I am a little pretty actually when I'm all dressed
up - a little heavy but not too bad)
Anyways Tuesday I had to work late and so I got dressed up in some
slacks, a blouse, my boots, my new coat, the wig and just a little makeup
and took the dog to a dog park.  No one was there, and I was not
dissapointed -but I'm going to need to find time to dress up and time
to walk the dog, and so like it or not - a lot of my dressing up is going
to be for walking the dog (sigh, and I looked so pretty - what a waste)
I went home and Wednesday I worked late and expecting that I put
together a girly travel kit of the basic makeup (foundation, mascara,
lipstick) wig, boots, slacks, girdle, pantyhose, blouse, coat and put
it in my truck so that when I got off work I stopped in a mens bathroom,
washed my hands and face off as well as I could in the sink,
put on the girdle, pants and blouse went out into the parking lot put
on the boots wig and makeup and 25 minutes later Viola!
(actually I kind of looked like Hell, but the other girls said I looked
alright)
Then I drove to a Trans support group that I've been going to -they
know I'm not going for a sex change, but it's OK if I go to these
meetings -so the meeting was pretty frustrating because of somethings
a post-op trans woman was saying about the other people.
Ultimately she was asked to leave, and like I said it was frustrasting.
I'll go next week if I can make it, because I think listening to other
peoples experiences and what they're going through is valuable, but
it's kind of a pretty serious thing to other girls and so I'm trying to
"tread lightly" - and maybe these meetings might be a bit too intense
emotionally - I'll go a few more times and see how it goes.
I didn't want to go home (which usually happens when I get dressed up)
so I went over to the church, did my volunteer thing and talked to a guy
about music a bit, then I still didn't want to go home so I headed over
to the St Paul bar -it was pretty dead, so I had a couple beers and
ordered a fish and chips, it was still dead and no one was interested
in chatting especially, so I headed on out to the Gay90's. I got there
had a couple beers and continued my "vow of silence" - OK it was
dead, and the reason why guys don't put on a dress and go to gay bars
is that the gay guys really are not attracted to guys in a dress -but
obviously I'm going to keep wearing the dresses and just deal with
not being attractive to gay men - I'm just glad it's accepted enough
here, but soon I will be going to regular bars in a dress -it's a big step
and one has to be careful but it is fairly safe I think -I'm really not
ready yet.
So the drag show started and I watched it and since there weren't
a lot of people I finally summoned up the courage to introduce myself
to the performers which was exciting actually and after I introduced
myself when they were doing their acts I walked up and gave each
a dollar, it's silly but it's kind of fun being more of a participant than
a spectator, and next time I'll bring five's or something to show more
support.

So it's getting late (about 1am ) and I hear an announcement about
an amateur drag contest next wednesday - and the light bulb goes
off - I have zero interest in competing in a drag contest, but I do have
an interest in dressing up and playing my harmonica on stage, so
I ask and they'd give me a microphone, and let me get dressed up and
lip sync an Koko Taylor song or something and play my harp!
so I'm pretty excited about that - I have to pick a song and pick the
recording in and all but next Wed, 10pm, Gay 90's shouldn't be too
many people there, but hopefully I'll be up there playing my axe
for a song and wearing my black dress with the gold trim - it
should be fun.