I was a little nervous when I got the bar. Sitting in my truck thinking
it was time to get out and walk from the parking lot to the entrance
I definately felt some fear, but my 4" pumps are so tight, that really
I was thinking more about my feet as I walked to the entrance.
There were several people sitting outside, and I knew I was being
reviewed, but what I saw was guys looking and smiling, one
guy saying hi, and stuff, and I walk in the door.
So inside there's a guy at a table and a short line, so I thought there
was a cover, but it was some kind of drink deal - I didn't quite
get what the deal was, partly because I was nervous, and
he was giving a brief explanation sprinkled with dear's and darling's
and lady's and things like that and I felt a little silly, but honestly he was
just being nice and acknowledgeing that I'd obviously put in a lot
of time and effort tonight to get all dolled up and be able to present
myself as a woman. Nobody's ever called me a lady and things
like that before, but he was being nice, and I really should have
expected it, going into a Gay bar. I'm really sure I can get used to this,
if it ever happens again, but this time I felt a little silly, but I'm thinking
I'm in a skirt and wig and heels and makeup and everything, going
into a Gay bar and a guy is calling me a lady, well what else should he
be calling me? Seriously. I was a little dazed actually, and still nervous
and getting my bearings -next time it happens I'll smile at him and thank
him for the compliment. Anyways so I opened my purse and took out
some money and got a couple cups for drinks, then walked over to the
bar and got a Pepsi (no Coke, Pepsi at this bar), and took my drink and
walked into the piano lounge room. There were enough people in the bar
that I could tell I ws being noticed. But from what I saw, it was just a casual
glance over at me, a bit of a smile - I just got my heels a few days ago, and
while I have practiced, I'm not really walking like a girl yet -and I think the
hint of amusement I was noticing was about the 4" heels. Certainly I was
very aware of my heels as I walked through the bar and into the piano lounge
where the meeting was being held. There were about 7 or 8 girls there and
I sat down with them, which is really, really nice. Here I am my first time
out in public and I'm sitting down with other girls like me, and just listening
and talking a bit (I decided not to try my girly voice yet, but I think I want
to use my female voice next time go out, which hopefully I can show enough
restraint to last a couple days until I need to go out again - it's funny, but
when I got home I really didn't want to take my skirt off, so I took the dog
and drove over to a park, and walked around and cars passed by and a
bike rider rode by, and a couple walked passed me, and nobody said anything
or really seemed to notice or care, and you have no idea how nice that is
That's all I want, really I don't care that I'm not thin and beautiful and all that,
but if people can just walk by and accept that this is who I want to be -
how wonderul! - I'm sorry back to my narrative,
so after I'd been there a few minutes, I asked one of the girls to take my
picture, so Yeah!!!! That is me first time out in public - you have no idea
what a milestone in my life this is - I 'm still getting a grasp of it, because
at the time it was all so natural, and it seemed like no big deal, no earth shaking,
monumental, life changing event -but it was, and I'm totally off topic on my
narrative now, so anyways we talked, actually I listened mostly, it was a lovely
evening, of course I'll do it again, and they're arranging a Haloween event at
a local resteraunt, and so I have to figure out my Halloween costume!
I am totally open for suggestions, leave a comment if you have a good idea
for a costume, because I garauntee you, I really had not been planning on
being invinted to a Halloween party where I could dress up as a girl and
wear a costume, and hang around and chat with people like me and
everything - Oh my, it just sounds fantastic, and I haven't worn a costume
on Haloween since I was 10 years old.
Anyways some pictures of me one at the bar the others afterwards when
I got home, sorry about the throne, but obviously I'm just using it as a chair.
I'll throw in a couple rerun captions too, for the people who just want to
read the captions and move on
So I did it! And I am so very glad that I did, and now it's no big deal and
one moves on to the next hurdle. I'll go to church as a boy in a couple hours,
but my church still welcomes me regardless of what I would wear - I wouldn't
go to a church that didn't feel that away about trans people and cross dressers.
Then I'll go out jamming dressed as a guy (note how now I have to say this because
dressing as a guy sand going out and dressing as a girl and going out are both
realistic options for me now - and that is so very, very, amazing), and then
I'll go to work dressed as a boy, and that is not a choice, I dress as a boy
for work. But I think of myself as blessed for having this job, and having
a job made going out tonight possible so things are good.
Take Care,
Stacy
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