Everything is on order - I went on-line and ordered a whole bunch of
stuff for my first time out in public as a woman.  I'm really very excited
about this now.  I'll be going to a cross-dressing/cross-gender club meeting
in a couple weeks, which is held in a gay bar, so the people are very welcoming
to people like me (I  mean basically they are people like me).  I went to
one meeting as a boy and felt the girls were nice, and that this was a very safe
space for me to go out in public en femme. 

Emotionally, there's a lot of issues and hidden stuff, and emotional baggage,
and vulnerabilities, and whatever tied up in this, so I really want to try
and make this as  positive an experience as possible, and probably can't
do too much about being terrified walking in the door and hating the way I
look, but I can still smile and try to have a good time anyways.

 I got my paycheck Friday, and I finally had enough surplus
that I have enough money to make it through two weeks with a little
to spare for the second time in a month,

so I've all ready recieved the makeup I'm going to wear,
and tried it on, and I actually liked the way it looked.
I went on Taaz.com with a picture of myself and spent
many,many hours trying out makeup on my face to get
the best result I could, then went ahead and ordered
the products through the Taaz link.  I received it in a few
days, you can limit the products by price, which I did
(to under $10 per item) and like I said I was pretty
pleased that I could order all the makeup at one time
with a specific result in mind and get everything at once.

The downside is that I did need to make so changes
and I forgot some stuff. So I ordered some more
makeup last night too-
The lipstick was too light pink, and I ordered a slightly
redder shade, I forgot the eye liner, I totally forgot nail polish
(oops!) , the mascara was difficult to use so I ordered a
little more expensive, highly rated brand (I really love
mascara - I have very long lashes, but they're reddish-blond
so they're not obvious) eyebrow pencils, a brush for the foundation
(I used a paint brush the first time -which does work, but not
very girly) so now I should be set for make up.

I've allready recieved the undergarments (girdle, bra, pantyhose)
so yesterday I ordered a black leather pencil skirt, which is
very cute. Because I'm size 18 below, size 20 above right now,
I'm very limited in what is available that is fashionable, but this
skirt is very cute and I hope it looks good on me.
I ordered a grey, white, and black blouse with a strong
slimming pattern, but the pattern is interesting and grey is a
very good color for me, it's pretty, and I think it should look good
as long as the sleeves for the forearms aren't too small.
I ordered black 4" heels, very simple but nice - size 12W
(kind of funny I wear size 12 guy shoes, but I wanted to see
how small a shoe I could wear - so I put on size 10 and it
fit -I've been wearing shoes that are 2 sizes too big (back when
I was 270# my feet were very swollen, but I never thought
my shoe size had changed) anyways a guys size 10 shoe
is a womans size12 and wide is better -they'll probably
be snug, but they should fit, I won't be walking that far.
I ordered a nice purse, I like purses, they seem very
feminine and I really dont want to carry my wallet in
my hand so a purse is pretty important.
Oh yeh the wig - well I'll save that for the photo but
again I went with the large cap size, which really restricts
your options, but I may be able to wear an average cap
(my head is only a 1/2" too big).  Not being sure I
only spent $70 on the wig, it's nice, but I really want a
superb wig, but I have to know more before I shell out
$500+ for one.

So other than a necklace, and maybe a couple slips and
maybe some clip on earings, I should be set.

I have a therapist who is supportive of this stuff,
 (and is probably a bit confused why I can't find some guy who
wants to, well you know, do what guys do to girls, but I'm a bit
confused about why I can't meet guys too)
so I'm going to tell her that I'm planning on going out en femme
in a couple weeks, but I'm sure she'll encourage it the way
I'm going about it.  It'll be nice to get a second opinion
that I'm not completely nuts,

but right now, it looks like I'm actually going to do this.
finally, yeah!!!!!


The top captions are ones I did before, I haven't really been
doing captions or reading captions, but I realize most people
want this to be a caption blog, and I'm trying to be obliging
to your desires.

Update - so like I said for the first time in about a year really, I actually
have enough money coming in to make it through to the next payday
with something left over (yeah!) so in addition to spending it on
girly stuff, I went to my "radically inclusive" church, and put
a check in for $50.00, which is a once-in-a-lifetime thing, but then
so is having the chance to present myself as myself in public, and
I wanted to acknowledge thanks for that in a personal and spiritual way.


Below is some D+X stuff
a sequence where my character wore 5 balloons which were
popped, each balloon containing a task:

some of the steps to get to the final logo for the new D+X dating agency

some other random stuff I felt like throwing in
I won't be posting until I go out en femme, and I've been very busy with work and all,
so it may be several weeks here when I post next.
Hopefully there's something here you find interesting, until then

So this better be progress, huh..

I was really nervous about going to the Minnesota trans health and wellness conference,
but I did register using my real name, and on Saturday I walked in, picked up my
name tag, thought about hanging around for the keynote speaker, walked around the
block a couple times still had 15 minutes to kill, so I hopped in my truck and went
home - OK you're right, I'm a wimp

but I did pick up a schedule and looked at the Sunday schedule and decided I
was actually going back and attending some of these workshops, so on sunday
I went to learn about Electrolysis. which I am considering on the face - it is permanent,
but I have no desire for facial hair -it's totally gross and my hair has no melanin in it,
so laser is not an option from what I've read.  Anyways I was impressed by the lady,
we talked a bit after.  It'd cost about $100/month and take over a year, but when I shave
close,my skin is very soft for a man, and I don't like that afternoon stubble feel, but
shaving twice a day is absurd - so I think I'll probably do this.
So the next conference I attended was a doctor doing non-genital surgery (breast
augmentations, rhinoplasty, forehead contours, etc all sorts of stuff for trans people)
he does offer a free consultation and I'd like to see what would be on my wish list
for plastic surgery, but honestly financially it'll never happen, except for a nose job
(rhinoplasty, I've read I need to budget around $3000 to $6000) I'm going to try
and save for this in 2012 -that would be exciting and would really improve my
facial feminization and overall attractiveness a lot. I'll probably pick a doctor
based on budget and skill but I wouldn't want an extremely feminine nose, just
one a lot smaller and more symmetric, so I would want any good plastic
surgeon who has a good track record with noses. 
Finally I went to a pharmacists presentation -Estrogen 101, which talked
about the drugs, the doses, the costs, the side effects, a lot of really good
information on soemthing that is for 2012 largely academic, but it is good
to know, and you can learn a lot listening to people who have undergone
SRS or are transitioning.  all together it was absolutely fascinating, even
though I didn't see the keynote speaker on Sunday either (I went home
and played with my dog, because I was playing my harp later that night)
So I learned a lot, and I'm going to follow up on the electrolysis.

Anyways I went on-line today and ordered some female undergarments,
from a couple places and hit my self-imposed daily girly limit of $100.00
so that's the end of my fun for today.  I'm still too much of a wimp to
walk into a Wall-Mart and just buy what I need, but I need to get
everything together and see how I look.  Even if I'm a train wreck,
I'm still going to the cross-gender club meeting (either in Oct or Nov)
just to say I did it, and so that they can see my progess over this
upcoming year (remember I did lose 45 pounds and kept it off compared to
September of last year, went through a year of tech school and found
a job in the field I went to school for, came out as Gay (even if I haven't
met a guy yet, which sucks) - the point being I can achieve
a goal when I make it a priority, so I can lose another 45 pounds, even
if right now I'm struggling, I'll figure out how to do it) )
tommorow I think I'll order the make-up based on an on-line Taaz.com
makeover (see last post) -which should give me pretty good results
in real life (I hope)

So I'm counting that as progress,

Take Care,

Stacy Wilderness

hey,

Things have been tough, but I'm working full time now,
and I've finally summoned the courage to start going
out in public. It'd be nice if I was more petite, and
looked more feminine, but I kind of have to work
with what I was born with. Of course just because I have
the courage to do it, doesn't mean I've actually done it,
but I've been so very very poor that there was no way
I could spend money on anything but getting by.
That's going to change starting with the paycheck
I just cashed.

Of course I have to buy all the stuff,
so it won't be until the October or November meeting
of the local cross dressing club when I do this, but it's time,
and I really personally feel that this is who I am, and if
I present myself as a man all day that's fine, but not all the
time. That's just not healthy. I can't do that all the time
any more. So I'm not going to be posting here very often,
but occasionally, if I have something new to write about,
which won't be that often, but when something actually
happens, I'll post it.

Mostly I'm over at D+X. stop by and say hi.

I took the photo at the Arboreteum in Chanhassesen, MN and photoshopped it

to make it look like a watercolor.  I think it came out really nice

I'm using these two in current D+X threads

 goofing off in photoshop

kind of a silly caption -I really didn't think he deserved the treatment he got,
but generically every Congressman should be publically humiliated, and he's
on that list, so he deserved it not for Twittering though.

those are some some more photoshop artsy stuff I've been doing for fun

and here trying to capture a couple artists style using photoshop without any photo

a couple more D+X images I've worked on

This blog is supposed to be fun and interesting and it's really cool if you left a comment
so I know what you liked, or didn't like or would like to see (except for pictures of
naked guys or stuff like that:)

this would be me in makeup. I did the makeover using the Taaz.com free makeover,
and I'm going to be buying the makeup and trying it out in real life when it arrives,
so hopefully I won't look like a clown when I go out in public.

Take Care,

Stacy Wilderness