I am so totally frustrated right now, 12 hours of work monday
10 hours today but with a 2 hour window so it took 12 hours,
I'm wiped out and other than walking the dog in the morning
I've been in boy mode the whole time (well I sleep in a slip
now, but that doesn't count) My feet hurt so bad from all the
walking in heels I've done lately that I had to wear tennis
shoes when I went out ( I don't have any womans flats,
I should probaly pick up a few pairs)
Anyways like I say I'm feeling really frustrated so last night,
 I needed a little "relaxing" and so I was and the stupid vibrator
cap breaks and I wind up playing the Maytag repair man,
and thinking that being a vibrator repair man has got to be
the grossest job in the world when you consider where it's been,
(sorry if that's in bad taste)
I have some girdles and corsets on order and someday they may arrive
but in the meantime I wait....
I was going to go shopping in boy mode but then I just wasn't in the mood
for dealing with all that, but I have noticed that if I go and buy some girly
stuff in guy mode, if I walk around in guy mode with nail polish on  or
if I go and come back in full drag people seem to respond to me about
the same which is odd because someone buying articles of womans clothing,
someone wearing nail polish and someone dressing fully are three
highly different sittuations.
So I got to do some stuff in boy mode then go to sleep
but Tommorow should be fun - the drag contest is
Wednesday night and I have two pretty black gowns
to wear - I am really tired right now, so later

when I did this caption, everything I did this weekend would have been impossible,
almost unimagineable.  Now it's tiring, fun, but really tiring -it takes a lot out of you,
but it's still very, very nice doing this for real

So I went out in public to the Holidazzle parade. I got there a little early so I decided
to walk along the street to the other end of the parade route (the beggining end).
I was wearing my size 16 slacks and size 12 boots, a grey and black blouse,
a very cute and festive red coat (which is not very warm) and my blond wig.
The wig really works well with my face and a number of people have commented
on how nice the wig looks when I'm wearing it then a white cap and matching
scarf (which are really cute) and black gloves. The parade starts at 6:30 I'd walked
to end of the route then turned around and went into a Chipolte resteraunt and
got a burrito.  Waiting in line in drag is a drag, but no one said anythin g or seemed
to care or anything.  The people on the line making the burrito where extremely
professional (what would you like ma'am? -they were being nice to me I know that,
but I genuinelly apprectiated the courtesy they extended to me by using female
gender  and gender neutral terms).  Chipolte Burrito's are huge, so I ate about half
before walking back and finding a good spot in the muddle of the route.  There were
a lot of people all ready hanging around and more came so by the parade time
there were people all around me, and from what I can tell no one really noticed
that there was anything unusual about me, I was just another woman in the crowd
(which is a very nice thing to be!).   The parade was a lot of fun but it was cold
and windy.  After the parade I stopped into the Gay90's for a beer, bumped into
a girl I know a bit, we chatted a little, then it was back to the ramp and on to St Paul.
I changed into a really lovely black full length evening gown - because I was planning
on sitting in for a song in the piano lounge, and I thought the gown would be really
lovely and a lot of fun to wear - it was of course, but there were a lot of (gay) guys in the
piano lounge that night, and when none of them really paid any attention to me , I kind
of felt a bit overdressed - it's such a pretty gown, but I looked pretty, they just were'nt
into it (it was a group of gay small business owners and business owners are highly
conformists and  trannys are by neccessity non-conformists, so I probqably scared
them as funny as that sounds) anyways I did get up after a while and sat in on asong
and another girl I've met before got to see me play (it wasn't just me, she was sitting there
to see me play and they weren't interested in her either, so eh, anyways after the swhow
I went into the main bar and caught some of the drag show and talked to a couple of
girls like me about stuff, and that was fun but it got to be pretty late so I headed
home and wound up being so tired I pulled off the road and took a nap, still in my gown!
the next morning I wore a black pleated skirt which is really nice a grey blouse and the
purple coat with the new white cap and scarf (they really are very cute)..  I walked
the dog, took a shower, then put the skirt back on and went to church.
The service was good and after the service I talked to a couple people including
a nice long talk with a guy ( I dunno, maybe)  and a pre-op giirl I know who gave
me the name and number of her gender therapist.  I''ve got a couple names now,
(I'm a little uneasy about leaving my therapist out of this, but ..well she's busy
and I'm busy and I'm not sure waiting helps anything and well , I'll tell her
but I want to be moving in the right direction... anyways...)
After church I drove to the Art Institute and saw the Edo Pop exhibit,
it was pretty crowded and while everyone was nice to me it was crowded
I enjoyed the exhibit and afterwards I went to the third floor for the period
rooms and all the while in my skiirt and just walking around looking at the
art and having a wonderful time.  There is a resteraunt on the second floor
so I ate there -it was a good meal - then I headed home,
So I'm officially goiing out in public, walking around dressed up and just
trying to be accepted as a girl, or a guy who'd like to be treated as a girl,or whatever,
but I can do it and I'm sure I'll be doing it again.

It really was a real struggle to get to this point, but it's nice knowing that I really
can put on a dress and go out and do OK.

I had a nice lunch with a friend I've made recently. I was
a little nervous before calling her but the lunch went really
well.  It was a pretty important because she was one
of the friends who'd gone out to see me Wednesday, so
anyways having lunch was a really good idea so when she
suggested it I agreed and picked her up and took her to a
Denny's (it's not a romantic lunch OK, we're friends)
I was in guy mode, and she did manage to get me to blush talking
about the black gown I was wearing the night before -it really is
very pretty - and just by watching her example and seeing how
one needs to present onseself in public and how people respond,
is giving me the courage to do it myself today
going out in public, alone, in the middle of the day, to a denny's
or perkins or something and just ordering a lunch - that's my goal
for today everything else is old hat  but this is new and it's a little
scary, but it should be fun - but it's scary, I'll admit
After I dropped her off I went to electrolysis - and ouch, ouch ouch
ouch -it's not bad but after 55 minutes of this it suddenly went from
not too bad to "oh that hurts!" and she recognized it and called it a day,
so next friday is session #3 its a long process but it'll be worth it.
Otherwise I went on line and ordered a couple corsets and got
some pet food and an oil change  in boy mode- glamorous, huh?

I'm going to gloss over a bunch of stuff about last night,
because it's too new, and well it's just too recent.

So I got finished with work early so I had a chance to
buy some breast forms at a fantasy house (which of course
I wore when I went out later) and a new human hair wig at
a wig shop (which I decided not to wear last night).
Then I went home, got dolled up and went out. 

I started out at a trans support group I've been going to, and
even thouhg I don't really need "support" right now, I think that
this is really valuable to have this type of connection to people
that I can talk to openly, if I ever get to the point that I do need
to really talk about stuff - in the past there's never been anyone
I could talk to about anything that matters - so it's important, and
it's fun too, one of the girls was commenting on how nice I looked,
and I've really improved my ability to present myself in a pretty
significant way if a fairly short time and it's nice that people are
noticing this effort.

After the meeting I went over to the church and they were having
a potluck dinner -I didn't know about that, but I was hungry, and
so I had a really good turkey dinner and apple pie and coffee -
and I got to chat a little with a couple people so that was fun.

The big event of the night was the amateur drag contest I was entering
(for the third week in a row).   I'd picked Muddy Water's "Mannish Boy"
as my song for the first round and was playing my harmonica along with
it (the song is in A, so I play in cross harp using a D harmonica) - afterwards
some of the other performers were commenting on how they really liked
my music but that some of the audience didn't like it because it wasn't the
drag show experience they were expecting ( lip syncing and dancing to
a pop song in an elaborate costume) -of course the girl who told me this
also plays the sax and started her drag career doing martial arts things because
that's what she knew and now has expanded to some more theatrical shows,
all of which is to me is interesting.  I'll get better at the lip syncing and dancing
part but really my intrest is having fun getting up to play my harmonica and
put on something pretty. So I'm not really a drag queen and never will be,
but I really do want to improve my performance - and I would like to win
one of these once I'm entered, but we'll see.
Before the show a couple friends showed up and one of them helped me
with my makeup (well actually he put on some makeup, and I just sat there
feeling pampered -it's pretty cool letting someone else put make up on you,
especially when he really knows what he's doing)
So the performance in the first round went well - I played my harmonica
and moved around a bit and generally had a lot of fun playing
in the next round the DJ picks a song and you have to perform a routine
to it (The Fishbowl round) -I got some song I've never heard and tried
to dance along to it - it wasn't a very good performance.
Anyways I didn't win, but I was dancing with a friend while wearing a very
pretty full length gown and we talked a bit after that.

Then Thursday I got thru Thanksgiving with the family and my brother
and his family and all that. 

my second electrolysis session is tonight, and since she knows I am
a cross dresser or a drag queen or what ever I am I'm going to
go ahead and show up in drag but without foundation on and not
shaving my upper lip and no caffeine, then I'll put on the rest of
my makeup and go out to the bars.

PS - I had to give up captioning because it too much time
 and no one ever commented on any of the work or anything,
but I did go online to a site
http://fineartamerica.com/profiles/glenn-bones.html
where I have some of my artwork on sale.

I wound up kissisng a guy I'd met before a little bit. I was at a bar
hanging out for a bit.  We'd met briefly before the amateur contest last
Wednesday, so we'd kind of met before. He saw me at the bar
and sat down next to me and put his hand on my knee. That felt kind of nice
so I let him, but I stopped him when he tried to move his hand too far
up my skirt.  We talked a bit. He said I looked nice which
obviously I liked, so when he asked about kissing that seemed all right
but I said no tongue, then when he kissed me he was trying to use
his tongue and I was stopping it and that's just not romantic, I want
to close my eyes and relax in a guys arms not be pulling back trying
to keep his tongue out of my mouth and thinking too much,
so it wasn't nearly as much fun as it could have been, and it really
was his own fault.  After a bit, we walked into another room where
they were projecting music videos on a screen, and we talked and
danced a bit. It was a slow dance and I'm just learning to dance,
but it was really nice when he started kissing my neck, I mean it
was really very pleasant and I couldn't believe it when after just
a brief moment of this pleasure he stopped.  Anyways after a little
more kissing (with the same result - trannies are some of the most
stubborn people you'll ever meet) and sone gentle hugging he decided
to call it a night and left. I guess hugging me is boring.
Then I called it a night too. 
I'm kind of a little frusrated about the whole thing right now.
If he'd kissed me on the lips and been more romantic about the whole
thing it could have been a fun night for both of us, but I was telling him
that, and he just didn't listen. 

This was probably my favorite day as a girl.
Nothing major it was just a really nice day.
I started off by going to church - I wore my
slacks, a black blouse, a little grey sequined top
and my new red jacket,.  The service was good
and I know a lot of the people sitting around me
so we exchange hellos and hugs and smiles and it
fun, after the service you go downstairs and talk
to people for a while then I went into the maintenance
area and did some work and got to meet the
other more senior guy, so we talked a bit
and it was interesting and pretty informative,
Then on a whim, I decided to go over to the
Walker Art Museum, still dressed up.
so I did, and I walked thru the museum for
a couple hours and some girls smiled at me,
and the art work is interesting, and the meal
at the cafe was OK, and the sculpture garden
in the snow is always fun
so that was my day - just out there being a girl
and it's nice - I was going to go to the day
of remembrance ceremony, but honestly
I'm not sure I've been doing this long enough
to really count as a trans person - I mean one
month is nothing compared to the years a typical
girl has been facing this, so I just wasn't sure
I'd belong - I'll go next year,
So instead I got out of my girl clothes and went
in drab to the mall.  I bought 3 pairs of pump
and a pretty cute pair of black boots,
Then I headed home, and I'm just going to
relax a bit.

I started Saturday in,  boy mode and went and bought a couple gowns
for about $60 each. They're gorgeous.  I tried on about 5 gowns
all told and bought two, but I'll use them on Wednesday in the amateur
drag contest. That'll be a big step up.  It was OK taking the gowns to
the dressing room because everyone helping me was very professional
and pleasant to me.

I played a little bit of harp in the morning, then got dressed up and went
to a trans/cross dressing pot luck which was fun, then went over to my
church for a screening of Genderf*kation and a panel discussion afterwards.
I enjoyed the movie, and got to meet some of the girls who were in it
afterwards so that was a lot of fun.  I also got to arrange with a gay guy 
who's a friend (he's a very nice guy) to shave my back so that I can actually
wear my new gowns on Wednesday (I am not a hairy guy, but any hair
on a girls back is gross, and I want to look nice in my full length gowns)
Then I changed out of my slacks and blouse into my black dress with
the gold trim and went back to the townhouse bar and listened to
Lori and sat in with her on a couple Blues songs on my harmonica, which
is a lot of fun, I hung out then in the main bar and talked to a couple girls
about wigs and going out in public and stuff for a while, it was fun
it got to be fairly late, I'd been dressed up and doing stuff for about 10 hours
so I was ready to call it a night, so I did. 
It was a fun night.